MechaTails Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) Last week I asked Lotus for a Kestrel that didn't kill me when I tried to catch it, today she gave me a Machete instead. I'm not rabidly foaming at the mouth though (Banshees don't have mouths anyway), because now I see the Machete is the greatest weapon ever. EVER. Machete once sliced an entire Grineer Battalion in half without even needing to channel. Then it channeled, and the entire planet blew up. Machete has been known to fly off a Tenno's back on its own and slaughter everything in the area when it hasn't been used enough. A Tenno once tried to use Machete to chop wood, Machete chopped his arms off for trying to use it for such a mundane task. Machete thrusts and slashes the air so hard it's often confused for a jet fighter, or a Latin lover. Lotus once warned the Tenno a Corpus warship was approaching, but no, it was just Machete. Machete doesn't kill enemies, it annihilates their hit-boxes and removes them from existence. Edited July 9, 2014 by DarkTails Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishki88 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Still not a good enough sales pitch to keep it. *Sells* Well...........I'll give you this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyperius Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Molecular Prime is actually just microscopic machetes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlraistlx Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) [size=6]You called?[/size] Edited July 9, 2014 by xlraistlx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeepOnFlowing Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The machete holds it's place as a decent weapon (once modded right! CALM DOWN) but the Legend of the Machete pales in comparison to the Legend of the Kogake. Now THERE'S a story you should tell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sedant Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 You called? Yeah, cuz Machete don't text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlraistlx Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The machete holds it's place as a decent weapon (once modded right! CALM DOWN) but the Legend of the Machete pales in comparison to the Legend of the Kogake. Now THERE'S a story you should tell! Machete doesn't even break the 1k DPS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-Sama Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 (edited) Ninja'd FACTS Machete : The only Warframe weapon Accurately personified and portrayed by Danny Trejo in a movie. Edited July 9, 2014 by Nkomo-Sama Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaerion Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Casted away from General Discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlchemistMute Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 It has been said that Machete will not be sheathed unless it has drawn blood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Machete is so powerful, mods had to move the topic to the Weapon forum to kill the topic :[ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Kanade__ Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Machete and Machete Wraith were both mastery fodder for me. I'll craft the Machete, then re-sell once it's maxed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 The original blueprint for the Machete called for 10 barrels of Grineer Black Hole Beer, 5 boxes of Corpus Cigars, and the crushed skull of a space minotaur, but was toned down because it was causing Tenno who used it to spontaneously grow a beard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 All civilizations share a story of a great catclysm that at some point extinguished all life on their planet. An end of days, a great and furious vengeance that struck their world, but whatever they call it, we know its true name; MACHETE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nagisawa Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Only thing better than the Machete, is TWO Machete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Critics say buffing the Machete flys in the face of reason and balance, Machete flys in the face of critics and hacks their faces off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade343 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Critics say buffing the Machete flys in the face of reason and balance, Machete flys in the face of critics and hacks their faces off. Do we eat the faces, like Carl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 ...Wut? Whatever floats your space boat, Tenno! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 (edited) the game is called legend of machete, but you actually don't play anyone named machete you play a kid named cleaver and you have to scour the system to find the pieces of the potato of supercharge you can also find gear and whatever in between if you want but after getting the potato pieces you can defeat the corrupted orikin and save the princess machete Edited July 11, 2014 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
011100110110000101101101 Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Where does the Machete Wraith fall into play? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishworshipper Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 One could say that even the legend of Machete kills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 Yeah, one time a Crewman said Machete was nothing but a fairy tale to scare weak little babies and he spontaneously burst into bloody shrapnel, which also exploded everyone around him and ruined a lot of expensive Kubrow carpets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__Kanade__ Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Still don't know why this under the weapons feedback thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrahlTiger Posted July 11, 2014 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Where does the Machete Wraith fall into play? Now it's time for me to tell you about Machete Wraith: Arch rival and nemesis of Machete! With powers comparable to Machete! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MechaTails Posted July 11, 2014 Author Share Posted July 11, 2014 (edited) Now it's time for me to tell you about Machete Wraith: Arch rival and nemesis of Machete! With powers comparable to Machete! Machete Wraith is Machete's eviler twin brother with a goatee rofl Still don't know why this under the weapons feedback thread. I had it in General Discussion so more people could see it and join the fun, but there's no fun allowed here. (or the moderator had a hard time telling what kind of topic it is because some people don't understand joke threads) Edited July 11, 2014 by DarkTails Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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