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[Parody/humor] I Am... Please...

Gibblemung

By Gibblemung,
in Fan Zone

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Gibblemung

Gibblemung

Posted
Posted

Credit to SilverBones for the original idea. These are just a few muses I've come up with over the course of playing.

 

Warframes:

I am Ember. Please stop staring at my butt.

I am Frost. Please shoot this Infested that's chewing on my helmet.

I am Excalibur. Please protect me when I overextend.

I am Saryn. Please shoot the enemies that are flocking to my molt.

 

Enemies:

I am the Grineer engineer. Please stop breaking my stuff.

I am the Corpus accountant. Please stop stealing our stuff.

I am Infested. Please stop running so I can eat you.

I am the Seeker. Please don't roll, I just want to hug you for a few more seconds.

I am the security camera. Please smile. And run into that laser grate a few more times.

I am the Jackal. Please leave my sore leg alone. (I took a Boltor round to the articulation.)

I am the storage capsule. Please, for the love of Orokin, just open me this time.

 

Meta:

I am the newbie. Please tell me how to wall-climb.

I am your tank. Please don't leave me behind.

I am your damage dealer. Please don't let me get surrounded and murdered.

I am your healer. Please get this thing off of me. (ow, ow, ow...)

I am the Tenno in the Cryopod. PLEASE LET ME OUT AND GIVE ME A WEAPON.

I am the elevator door. Please stop shooting me.

I am your dropship. Please get over here.

I am the speedrunner. Please gogogogogogogo.

I am the locker off the beaten path, under a staircase, hidden around a corner. Please don't bother.

 

Bugs:

I am the last enemy in the round, stuck under a staircase. Please stop laughing and just shoot me.

I am Lotus. Please repair the hull breach in the sky. Look at the pretty clouds. This could get interesting. It's the Grineer. We've got Infested. Corpus walkers incoming. *BZZT* Defend the mainframe while I break in. I'm fine. You are a potato. Get to extraction.

I am the space behind your dropship. Please jump in.

 

I am the author. Please add your own and enjoy!

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Ced23Ric

Ced23Ric

Posted
Posted (edited)

Corpus

I am the Shockwave MOA. Please dance to my beat.

I am the Shield Osprey. Please wait for the flash and smile.

I am the Turret. Please wait while I change into something more comfortable.

I am the Prod Crewman. Please let me catch up.

 

Grineer

I am the Roller. LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME.

I am the Napalm Trooper. Please stay right there, it's warm and cozy.

I am the Ballista. Please listen to the song of my people.

 

Infested

I am the Charger. THROW THE STICK!

I am the Runner. Please recover halfway before I blow up.

I am the Disruptor. Please give me your energy.

_________________________
wfsig.png
[size=2]"A bowl with too much milk! A ball with too much yarn! MORE CATS!" - DERebecca[/size]

Edited by Ced23Ric
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Voidstalker

Voidstalker

Posted
Posted

Grineer

I am a Shield Grineer. Keep calm and stay down.

I am a Heavy Grineer. Please keep away; I don't like you.

I am a Grineer Commander. Say hello to shieldbro.

 

Corpus

I am a Shockwave Moa. Shock and Awe.

I am a Prod Crewman. I got this.

I am a Railgun Moa. Pew!

 

Infested

I am a Toxic Ancient. I just want to be loved!

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Insanityman

Insanityman

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am your waypoint. A pot 'o' gold at the end of the rainbow.

I am the pit beside the boss platform. Feed me that blueprint you covet. And your Neurodes.

I am the Infested Raid mission type. Surprise! Heavy Grineer for Everyone!

I am Twin Vipers. What do you mean you forgot pistol scavenger?!

I am the Cargo Box.  Please get off me. The Chargers keep "marking their territory" while you reload.

I am the Crawler. NOOOO! Come back!

I am the Robot Construction Apparatus. Bringing the Moa back from extinction.

I am the Reinforced Glass.  Explosive Barrel and I aren't on speaking terms right now.

I am Mine Osprey. Do you like candy?

Edited by Insanityman
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Athros

Athros

Posted
Posted

Warframes

 

I am Volt. Please don't ask about my high heels. It's called fashion.

I am Rhino. Please don't forget me back here, guys T-T

I am Loki. Please- *switchtele* SURPRISE! :V

I am Mag. No, the objects on my face is not closer than they appeared. -_-

I am Trinity. Please don't make fun of my butt. I called it "Lobsty".

I am Banshee. And no, my head is not a part of a satellite dish.

I am Excalibur Prime. Please adore and love the better-than-my-twin, luxury-me~

I am Nyx. Please stop staring at my front.

 

Grineer

 

I am Captain Vor. NO, I DON'T HAVE THE BLUEPRINT. PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN! PLEASE DON'T!

I am Councilor Vay Hek. PLEASE VISIT YOUR UNCLE MORE OFTEN~

I am Tyl Regor. TRICK OR TREAT!

 

Corpus

 

I am Sgt. Nef Anyo. I hate myself. Should've entered that health improving program more often...

I am The Hyena. Note to Devs: I need my friends that you promised me. WHAT PACKS? I AM ALL ALONE HERE T-T

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PureBeurre

PureBeurre

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am the warfarme. Please remeber to clean me especially after an infested mission.

 

I am the intercom. Would someone PLEASE listen to my advice for once.

 

I am the orikin reactor. Please stop shooting at me.

 

I am the flashlight. Please remeber to change my batteries.

 

I am your shoes. Please stop stepping in blood.

 

I am your shield. Please take cover and let me regenerate.

 

I am your sword. Please sharpen me I am having a hard time cutting through these level 50 enemies

 

I am your powers. Please stop trying to use me without energy.

 

I am your monitor. Please don't stare at me for too long.

 

I am time. Please pay attention to me I fly by fast while you play this game.

 

I am the enter key. Please stop using me so much PureBeurre.

 

Sorry enter key.

Edited by PureBeurre
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SorainRavenshaw

SorainRavenshaw

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am the Lato. Please remember me...

We are the Aklato: Please Ignore our whiny sister over there.

I am the Furis: Remember to aim please.

I am the Skana: Please help, Chronus took my job.

We are the Duel Skana: Please buy us, even on sale we get no work.

I am the Chronus: Please, you know I'm better then Skana is.

We are the Duel Heat Sword: Please use other attacks, all charge attacks makes us a dull pair.

I am the Bo: Please use me, I really do stagger people... other then anyone you care about staggering.

I am the Lex: Please use me, Snipetron doesn't like me, but one day it will notice me!

I am the Latron: Clicking faster then my fire rate annoys me, please get a stronger speed trigger.

I am the Grakata: Please try me again, I totally crit now, honest!

I am the Braton-mk 1: Braton? Please! Don't you wish my sister was accurate like me?

I am the Braton: Mk-1? Please! Don't you wish my sister fired fast like me?

I am the Bruston: Please remember, three is an important number to me.

I am the Boltor: Could someone please explain what armor is?

I am the Scarus: Please trust that you are a better shot then those shield guys.

Edited by SorainRavenshaw
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Quetzhal

Quetzhal

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am a potato. Please stop smearing me all over your Warframe; you want the other guy.

I am the terrain. Please stop getting stuck inside of me.

I am the map. Please stop falling into my holes.

Edited by Quetzhal
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PureBeurre

PureBeurre

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am the Braton Vandal: Please don't judge me by my pricetag.

 

I am the Lato Vandal: Please envy those who use me.

 

I am the Fusion core: please remeber how useful I used to be.

 

I am your warframe and weapon levels: Didn't I use to mean some thing more?

 

I am the game: Please remeber I still have bugs.

 

I am update 7: Please don't hate me for destryoing all your hard work.

 

I am Ced23Ric: Please read my older works they are getting lonely.

 

I am SilverBones: I am... I am.... I am....

 

I am the closed beta tester: Please understand my jokes.

Edited by PureBeurre
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PureBeurre

PureBeurre

Posted
Posted (edited)

Of course you should write again Ced23Ric. You were the inspiration for me posting on the forum to begin with your wonderful stories. They made me think "If he can share his creativity online what is stopping me?". In that way you partial influenced the making of my own little fan fiction on Volt. It was made in about an hour out of a pure creative burst. Therefore it is not very thought out (also poorly punctuated or so I've been told). So the answer to your question is yes please write again.

 

I am the forum reader. Please post some good stories for me to read.

 

P.s. My fan fiction is called A Spark Alone.

Edited by PureBeurre
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-Nerf-Herder-

-Nerf-Herder-

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am Gorgon, watch me reload.......almost done......you might want to switch weapons your taking a pounding.

 

I am the "F" key, watch how you press "G" instead and highlight to everyone your failure to switch weapons.

 

I am Charged Melee, watch how easily I'm thwarted by the slightest touch on an enemy.

 

I am the countdown timer, watch how you cuss trying to sprint to the end before I reach zero.

 

I am Paris, Watch me pin two grineers together.

 

I am the elevator, I wait for no one.

 

I am the doors, watch as I make these bodies dance.

Edited by bmason
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Mattyrogue

Mattyrogue

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am Stalker, watch as your entire team starts to freak out as I talk to you...

I am Amphis, Don't blame Bo, he's a good brother to me, but he don't have S#&$ on making Grineer bodies fly like I do.

I am Fragor, Lancer Tennis anyone?

I am Scindo, SCIIINDOOOOOOOO! 

I am that one spare Dark Sword Blueprint that you keep around for old time's sake, watch as you never build me for the entirety of this beta phase.

I am Mattyrogue, and I have too many damn contacts joining my Private Sessions.

Edited by Mattyrogue
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Gibblemung

Gibblemung

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I am the author. Please try to keep the format fun and funny.

(I chose the "I am... Please..." format because it's like a limerick. It can't help but be a bit imploring, and therefore, funny. I love the stuff going on in here. Come up with more!)

 

Warframes:

I am Nyx. Please go hit someone else. (Huh, it worked.)

I am Frost. Please hold still. (I love it when they freeze in midair.)

I am Excalibur Prime. Please don't be blinded.

 

Weapons:

I am the Lato Prime. Please watch me gleam.

I am the Skana Prime. Please consider a Founder's Package.

I am the Mire. Please feed me their flesh, Harbinger.

I am the Fragor. Please remember that I am a warhammer, not a baseball bat.

 

Enemies:

I am the Ancient Healer. Please stop laughing at me fighting the Moa. It won't ever end.

I am the Moa. Please stop laughing at me fighting the Ancient Healer. It won't ever end.

I am the last Corpus Crewman in the defense level. Please come find me, I won't come to you.

I am the Grineer Lancer. Please remember that once, I was a challenge to you.

 

Meta:

I am the clock. Please look at me once in a while. You have other things to do besides play Warframe.

I am the Fan Zone forums. Please participate!

I am the Warframe Wiki. Please send new players to me so that they can learn cool stuff.

I am Digital Extremes. Please enjoy our game. (Note, author is not affiliated with DE and makes no claim to that effect, parody reference only.)

 

Bugs:

I am the enemy pinned to a door. Please watch me dance.

I am the Moa your friend keeps gettng headshots on. Please don't question how he can get headshots on something without a head.

I am Lotus. Please... huh. You know what? I'm not going to tell you your bonus mission objective. You figure it out.

I am the Infested Charger. Please stop noticing that my stride has me with all four feet off the ground at several points.

I am the laggy host. Please enjoy your one... frame... per... second.

 

I am the author. Please come up with more, as these are fun!

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Athros

Athros

Posted
Posted (edited)

Weapons:

I am the Glaive. Please wait for my blueprint. PATIENTLY. NO, SERIOUSLY. BE PATIENT.
I am the Fang. Pleaseusemewithcautionbecauseitmayharmanythingthatmightcomeclosetoyouwithanattackspeedthatsomehowillogicalifyoucomparedittoanyotherweapon.

I am the Brokk. Please don't laugh at me.

I am the Dual Zoren. Please.. Ack! Ninja'd by Fang...

I am the Ankyros. Please don't hang me on the wall or doors for a good luck.

Edited by Athros
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