Tenno-Files : A Report On Grineer Behavior

[Hauteclere]

After a funny experience in-game, something I can only assume was a glitch, a little boredom and inspiration allowed me to write this little short story about my in-game self witnessing a Grineer raid attempt on a Corpus vessel.

Hope anyone whom reads it enjoys it. I'm not sure I executed the intended humor as well as I wanted to.

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This is Hauteclere reporting a strange change in one of our many enemies' behavior. This...change appears to be one that causes me to question our decisions regarding the overall threat the Grineer pose. As requested by my superiors in House Chulainn, the clan of which I hail, I've supplied digital imagery and audio playback of the events I shall soon explain in detail.

I was deployed to a Corpus ship to retrieve a hostage while the crew's attention were firmly taken by what was supposed to be a Grineer raid attempt. Expecting a raging battle between the forces I entered into the fray with my best tactics in mind, and weaponry at my disposal...only to be presented an oddly tranquil scene. Confused, I decidedly took a stealthier approach so that I could better understand the situation...

What I found...baffled me.

The Corpus ship's crew, rather than preparing for or partaking in battle, simply went about their usual tasks despite the quite obvious, continuous bursts of gunfire occurring with-in various sectors of the vessel. They at the very least did not appear oblivious to their surroundings, some even appeared to display mild irritation---as if this situation was actually quite common, and yet little more than a small hindrance.

Intrigued I pressed on under the cover of my Shade's cloaking device so that I could hopefully overhear any sort of idle chatter that might shed light on this increasingly odd sight. For the sake of ease I have already decoded their auditory encryption so that they could easily be understood via their true tongue:

---Corpus Audio---

'Ah...They're at it again, huh?'

'Yeah...It was funny after a while, but now its just getting kind of pathetic.'

'You think they'll ever figure it out?'

'I doubt it, man. They've been at it for a few hours now. The zones they're in are sealed off so that they won't actually kill anything but themselves...but..'

'Don't you think we've had our fun already? The areas they're taking up...They're starting to become a real hindrance to our productivity.'

'Eh well...when they tire themselves out, and are fresh out of ammunition we'll just send the MOA units in to make sure they're all dead before we send in the cleaning droids. Then it'll be back to business as usual---frankly I'm happy for the short break.'

---Audio End.---

At first I was impressed and somewhat intimidated. We've always been aware of Corpus' amazing technological ingenuity and innovations...I was of the idea that perhaps they'd created yet another method to participate indirectly in conflicts. Memories of our very own Nyx warframes came to mind---a fear that perhaps they had finally produced a similar method of mind-control, through a fusion of Orokin technology and their own, arose within me.

Deciding my mission objective had become so much more complicated I took to the ship's ventilation systems. I felt it my duty to understand and quantify the Corpus induced plight our shared enemy, the Grineer, was currently suffering. After all it was only natural to assume that any such weapon would surely be used against us as well in the near future...

...Then I came to better understand the situation...

---Grineer Audio---

'Sir, they're overwhelming us! We need reinforcements! Its a slaughter house in here!'

'GAAAH! I've been hit! I've been hit!'

'What the hell?! Not even a scratch!? Some kind of new shield function?'

---Audio End.---

At first I was rather perplexed for an entirely different reason. I could hear the primitive Grineer firearms going off just as they would in any usual war conflict. Even further perusal they shouted their battle plans for all to hear, as if they assumed no one else spoke their language. It was no different from any conflict experienced directly or indirectly with the Grineer....except there was no visible foe. Naturally I took it upon myself to exit the ventilation and use Shade's cloaking abilities to weave about the 'battle field' so that I could better survey the obviously poor situation the enemy had found themselves in.

Prepared to be taken by some unusual occurrence that might alter my perceptions I produced a magnetic field about myself which would likely disagree with any kind of machinery that might attempt to take advantage of my mind. I had my Shade adjust its self so that it might perceive any foes I may be unable to see. After all we are ninja, who better would know about cloaking technology and the like than us?

As it turns out...The Grineer's foe was actually more present than I had earlier assumed. As a matter of fact it was impossible to miss, considering they were completely surrounded without hope for escape....perhaps in their minds at least.

Madam Lotus...I do pray to quickly receive your opinion on this matter:

Are we really going to be taking an enemy so unaware of the natural aspects of physics, that they come to assume their own bullets ricocheting off the wall are actually the walls returning fire at them, seriously?

I mean really...

Really?

---Grineer Audio---

'Holy crap, Captian! Even the doors are firing back at us! What is this madness?! Its like the whole room is alive!'

'Keep firing! Their sheilds have to run out eventually!! They can't keep it up forever!'

---Audio End.---

The Corpus ship's crew pretty much decided these guys were so $&*&*#(%& that they'd eventually kill themselves. I actually hung around a little to see how Corpus was handling all of this...The surveillance security? They were laughing their asses off! When they finally got bored of it all they unleashed a hord of MOA on them and obliterated the whole lot.

Now...I realize this might have just been a singular, contained incident. Their constant cloning has surely caused some serious detrimental mental affects to a small portion of their population for certain...but when I brought this up with my Clan they seemed a little more worried than I'd have cared for. Like they'd seen this before, and weren't sure how to deal with it.

I'd like to request a full investigation on just how $&*&*#(%& these guys actually are as a race. You have to admit...it was questionable to begin with to concern ourselves with a 'threat' that thought continuous cloning and self replication was a GOOD IDEA for the span of a millennia.

...

Hey wait...

Doesn't that technically make them 'inbred'?

I'll try to keep track of my findings on like situations as these, as I come across them. I can't say I'm entirely bothered to worry about anyone but the enemies that actually know a threat to their cause when they see one...

Oh...By the way. I did retrieve the hostage. She is safe and sound, though...we sort of had the unfortunate event of crossing through the aftermath of one of the contained Grineer battle zones. There were no signs of MOA present, and closer inspection confirms that the corpses were killed by...uh...'friendly fire'. Worryingly enough one of the corpses appeared to have his own melee weapon lodged in his forehead?

I really do want to point out that the hostage didn't look surprised...

--- Retrieved Hostage & Hauteclere Audio ---

'Poor bastards...I wonder what dark soul armed them in the first place. Someone has a seriously crude sense of humor...'

"...I see. Hey, uh...That aside. Did they let you keep that handgun on you when they took you in? I thought it was Corpus that took you hostage."

'Huh? Oh! They did! They just didn't know I had it. I kept it hidden.'

"...Where?"

--- Audio End.---

In the future...when I'm briefed about the Grineer attacking a vessel, how literally should I take it from now on?

[End]

Edited May 29, 2013 by Hauteclere

[Zero5412]

~All doors must die sir!~

[Ezard]

Brilliant haha

Hopefully I'll see this soon :D

[Hauteclere]

Brilliant haha

Hopefully I'll see this soon :D

 

Won't be hard, I figure. This was an actual in-game conflict between the two factions....with some exaggerations. (Everything except for the part where the Grineer were attacking the walls and door.)

 

So if you hear the Grineer fighting Corpus at any time you might run into this. Who knows?

 

[Amistyrja]

Combat formation Bravo

[GratuitousLurking]

Oh my god, my sides...

[Hauteclere]

Combat formation Bravo

Grineer Commander : "Try to get behind 'em and flush 'em out."

 

Grineer Private: "But, Sir...We tried that already the enemy is completely immovable!"

Grineer Commander : "Don't question me! If we shoot 'em enough he'll move!"

Grineer Private: "...Sir...you said that hours ago....Perhaps a tactical retreat?"

 

Corpus Crew Man: "....I sure hope they either die or run away soon, I really gotta use the bathroom...Friggen Grineer blocking off the crapper..."

[X3Evanescence]

HAHA i was laughing so hard i choked on my ice cream! What a brilliant scenario!