I AM FROST

[-BrokenBear-]

lol saw other peoples i am post and decided to try leave all fead back no matter how harsh, it will help me do better nxt time.

My brothers and sister say I am cold hearted; deceitful and manipulative but yet here are all true in and out of the war.

As I proclaim my place among the Tenno, nothing shall stop me in my tracks.

The greener all lined up to riddle my skull with bullets’, a heavy gunner stands out-front, but they haven’t seen me before, they don’t feel the ice cold blood that runs through my veins, and yet I press on.

Bullets fly past me in a dazzle of warm steal and the gunner takes position, with new tactics up my sleeve I dash across the wall leaving a trail of ice behind me and in an instant the gunner doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, doesn’t shoot as his frozen body shatters at the taste of my cold blades.

the others stand in watch then come to there sences and fire but there bullets bounce and ricochet hitting each other, bullets tear through there soft mangled flesh. As i watch and listen to there beautiful screems i slowly take out my aakbolto and finish of those who remain there now limb bodies now dangling on the wall, and i smile in pleasure.

Many have gone before me and failed; but I am everywhere the very air you breathe can be my weapon, my protection, my shield

I am Frost

[Koxu]

I like

[Hexagar]

Well written man,well written !!

[Innokeni]

Grineer*

[Ced23Ric]

Just a few pointers.

First of all, when you copy someone's idea - and this is exclusive to SilverBones - ask if they mind. A matter of courtesy. You can send him a PM if you haven't, which I somehow have a hunch you did not. The next thing is: Grammar and punctuation.

You have some decent ideas in your short, but you destroy sentences and flow with the lack of proper punctuation. Before posting a story, try proofreading it. After posting it, proof read it again. Watch for false friends like "steel/steal", and "their/there", etc. - there is more, and considering the brevity of the story, shouldn't be too hard to find.

Remember: A clean presentation compliments a clean execution. A sloppy presentation sullies even the best execution.

[SilverBones]

For referance, I don't mind :)

I actually put in an odd reply to one of the early threads that I wondered what it would be like to see others write "I am..." stories.

As Ced stated, punctuation is a hard thing to master. The content is good, but be sure to check the spellings and meanings of certain words before you use them. I had a similar problem with Breech and Breach.

Nice take on the Frost though! I have to do one myself :)