Out Of Frame: The Everyday Lives Of The Tenno

[Doozy84]

ASH: Ha! People like me! Most powerful frame? Not by a long shot. Most fun to play frame? You got it, baby.

get your &#! back in xini and rank up my melee weapons. We need 5 more levels on this garbage orthos and then we have to move up to the adult weapon, Gram.

[Doozy84]

    It had taken months of careful planning, but he had finally found them, and they could not escape. Even now, they were ignorant of his presence, unaware of his purpose and of his agenda.

    He had waited patiently on the roof of the building opposite, had waited patiently for so long, another hour or so wouldn’t mean anything to him now. Their features were unmistakable, even without the frames, he knew who they were- Mag and Excalibur, two of the hunted ones. Two of the sinners, the quarry, the judged. They had always escaped sentence, always defeated him, humiliated him, stolen his blessed weapons. Them and all their ilk.

    But tonight would be his. Tonight he would taste justice, the sweet vengeance that was his due would be his for the taking, in only just a few moments, the tenno would be destroyed.

    He had tracked them to the restaurant. He could have killed them in the car, or in the apartment, but that was below him. It was unclean, risky. He would not allow himself to destroy them without honor, they would know as they died, bleeding out on the cold asphalt, that the Stalker had chosen them. It would have been so easy to wreck a car, to bomb an apartment, to involve innocents, but that was dirty. That was crude.

    When they died, they needed to die knowing that it was him that did it, that he was the reaper and he had extended his pale hand, and had chosen them out of the pack for the culling.

    The moment approached. He saw his targets leaving the building, walking around the corner to the valet stand to retrieve their vehicle.

    Now was his moment to strike. The moment he had waited years for. Without their frames, among the civilian populace, they were finally vulnerable. He watched him kiss her as they waited in the cool night air for the attendant to bring the car around, he held her so close. He would kill her first, so that she would die in his arms, and then he would know the depth of bereavement of the Stalker. The range was not an issue. The wind was dead, the air was moist and clear, the light of a hundred twinkling stars bore witness to his deed, and he pulled the string of his bow to his ear, aiming for Mag’s heart.

    And then the string went slack, and he nearly dropped the arrow. He looked behind him and saw the tenno. The one with the hammerhead prow. It was standing their in full war panoply, its guns on its hips, its weapons on its back, a pair of scissors in its hands, gesturing innocently at his cut bowstring.

    “You!” The Stalker hissed. Without even a breath or a heartbeat, he kicked the tenno in the face, but his foot flew right through the warframe’s jugular and tickled empty air.

    A hologram! The Stalker realized.

    “Naughty! Naughty!” He heard a disembodied voice on the wind, and looked up at the billboard on top of the roof to see the silhouette of the hammerhead warframe making a scolding gesture at him.

    Quicker than lightning, the Stalker reached for the blades at his hip, and with a flicking motion of his wrist, sent three objects scything through the air at the tenno, which bounced right off of his rubbery synthetic skin. Too late the Stalker realized that what he had thrown were nerf foam darts.

    “Looking for these?” The tenno tapped him on the shoulder, holding up a bandolier of Despair throwing daggers. “You should be more careful you know, you’ll put your eye out, kid!”

    The Stalker loosened his scythe from his back and cleaved the tenno in half, but again, it was merely a holographic doppleganger.

    “And the wiki says you’re supposed to be able to ignore those!” He heard the hammerhead warframe mocking him.

    “Come out and fight me under the light of the stars, with honor, you jackal!” The Stalker hissed.

    “Sure, why not? It’s a full moon tonight!” The tenno replied, back on his perch on the billboard, bending over and exposing his buttocks at the Stalker. “Get it? Full moon?”

    With a growl of furious rage, the Stalker threw his scythe up at the foe, but again, the weapon slid harmlessly through the hologram, and embedded itself in the thick board of the advertisement.

    “You’re gonna have to do better than that, cochise. I’ve got a fully leveled energy syphon and streamline installed, we might be here for a while.”

    The Stalker hissed in fury, leapt up onto the billboard to free his weapon, and barely dodged the glinting steel moving past him as he saw it out of the corner of its eye. The Kestrel sheared through the supports of the billboard, and the Stalker leapt away just in time as the giant advertisement tumbled into a heap on the roof.

    “You can’t hide from me forever!” The Stalker growled, snatching up his scythe and brandishing it wickedly.

    “You don’t understand, sweetheart. You can’t hide from me.”

    The Stalker saw the crackling fire of the snipetron vandal’s shot, but he did not hear its silenced barrel. He felt the jacketed bullet tear through his shoulder and punch through his body, spinning off into the night air through his ragged exit wound. The atmosphere was suddenly thicker, the night suddenly warmer. Blood pooled in his warframe’s exoskin, squeaking through his bodysuit. His nerveless fingers dropped his scythe.

    “I’ll get you!” The Stalker hissed, reaching for a smoke bomb to escape with his good hand, “I’ll get all of you!” He swore, throwing it on the ground to envelop his form in a pall of chemical smoke.

    “Just remember one thing next time, crybaby.” The hammerhead tenno said,

    “LOKI. DOESN’T. SLEEP.”

    The hammerhead tenno hopped down from his perch, shouldered his rifle, and rummaged through the wreckage to find the Stalker’s scythe and his bow where they had dropped. “Completed my collection.” He smiled.

    He stood on the ledge of the roof and looked over across the street, Mag and Cal were getting into their car, and then drove off.

    “Friends watch their friend’s backs.” He whispered, remembering something from a long time ago.

---

    “Hey Logan, you’re dead you piece of S#&$!” The bully cried, slamming the skinny boy into the locker, his head bouncing violently off of the latching mechanism and his glasses falling on the ground.

    “I didn’t rat on you, John! I swear!” The skinny boy cried, but it didn’t stop the bully from punching him in the stomach, his fist felt like a cinder block.

    “YO JOHNNY, LEAVE THAT PIPSQUEAK ALONE.” A voice boomed down the hall. It was Ronnie “Rhinoceros” Vincenzo, the captain of the varsity football team and one of the biggest guys on campus.

    “This ain’t your business, Rhino.” The bully spat.

    “YO, MY LOCKER HALL, MY BUSINESS. YOU GOT A PROBLEM, JOHNNY?” Ronnie threatened. “BECAUSE ME AND MY BOY CALVIN HERE CAN SORT IT OUT.”

    The bully took one last cheap shot at Logan, then released him and walked away.

    Ronnie “Rhinoceros” Vincenzo and his best friend and teammate on the football team, running back Calvin “slash’n’dash” Burton picked Logan up and put him back on his feet.

    “YO SKINNY, THAT GOOMBA BOTHERIN YOU?” Ronnie asked.

    “No, I’m fine.” Logan gasped, “Why did you do that for me?”

    “HEY CAL WILL YOU GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY? COME ON! WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?” Ronnie laughed.

    “Don’t you remember Logan? You were lab partners with us in Bio last semester.” Calvin added.

    “YEA BUDDY, YOU SAVED OUR BACON. IF WE DIDN’T PASS THAT CLASS, WE’D BE ON ACADEMIC PROBATION, AND COACH WOULDN’T LET US PLAY FOOTBALL. YOU’RE ALRIGHT IN MY BOOK, KID. FRIENDS WATCH THEIR FRIEND’S BACKS. IF THAT CHUMP EVER BOTHERS YOU AGAIN, DON’T HESITATE TO TELL HIM THAT HE’LL BE DEALIN WITH THE RHINO.” Ronnie slapped him fraternally on the back.

[Doozy84]

I hope you guys all feel really bad about the mean things you said about Saryn. And now I want tacos too.

SARYN: Alright hun, I’m going out with PDG. I’ll see you later tonight.

FROST: Wait, really? Where you guys going?

SARYN: A... social function.

FROST: You know I was thinking Saryn, we don’t do a lot of couples stuff.

SARYN: We have plenty of sex!

FROST: Not that. I mean real couples stuff. Going out, enjoying each other’s company. Talking.

SARYN: I thought we both liked having our personal space?

FROST: Well, yes that’s true, but we never really talked about that. I mean, you don’t even pick up your phone until around 8pm.

SARYN: I like to sleep in... During the day. Because I’m up all night.

PDG: Is this a bad time?

SARYN: Of course not dear, I wouldn’t do that to you. We’re still going.

FROST: But I’m going with you.

SARYN: I don’t know if that’s a good idea...

PDG: It might be a little cramped in your stingray.

FROST: We’ll take my car.

SARYN: That’s probably a better idea. In case you decide you want to leave, immediately.

FROST: Why would I want to do that?

SARYN: Just promise to keep an open mind, okay?

FROST: Anything for you, dear.

SARYN: Don’t ever say that. You don’t know what it means. Yet.

THREE KINKY HOURS LATER

SARYN: Well, did you enjoy it?

PDG: I can’t believe how much fun that actually was! And they’ll pay me to do it?

SARYN: That’s how I got through college, dear. And how I paid for my car, and my health insurance...

PDG: Wow, really?

SARYN: Oh its a wonderful life, really. As long as you can keep work and play separate. You don’t want it affecting your relationships. Right dear?

FROST: (indecipherable paranoid mumbling)

SARYN: Honey?

FROST: I don’t know what to think.

SARYN: Well that’s good, if you did it might get weird.

FROST: I can’t believe you were so mean to that poor girl, Carol.

SARYN: Honey, Carol is a bottom. And you behaved very brutishly towards her!

FROST: I was the only one in the room who wasn’t slapping her and spitting on her!

SARYN: And she’s into that! The poor thing has very fragile self esteem, if you don’t kick her and ignore her, she’ll think you don’t like her!

FROST: Why would anyone think that?

SARYN: I don’t know dear, ask Nyx. But in there we’re all like one big dysfunctional family, and if someone offers you the crop, you’re supposed to slap them around a bit with it, its just good manners!

FROST: Good manners? You shoulder-threw that girl onto a mattress and then stepped on her with six inch heels because she made eye contact with you!

SARYN: Well, she knows she’s not supposed to do that, she was baiting me. Besides, I wouldn’t have done it if there wasn’t a mattress there. What’s the rule again PDG?

PDG: Hurt, not harm!

SARYN: Very good.

FROST: I think we need to talk about our relationship.

SARYN: Oh honey, I don’t really do this anymore, I get all of those wicked thoughts out of me by chopping up the Grineer- OH SORRY PDG.

PDG: Don’t worry about it.

FROST: Do you ever think about me... Like that?

SARYN: Well, I thought your naivete about the scene was actually very charming. There’s not really any gentlemen in the community, they’re all either pushy doms or spineless subs. You’re really a breath of fresh air.

FROST: I think I need a breath of fresh air.

SARYN: Oh, please don’t do this...

FROST: How long have you been doing stuff like that?

SARYN: I told you, I don’t do it anymore! Besides, that’s how you met me. It paid for my college. Do you think I’d be tenno today if I didn’t have that molecular biology degree to operate my warframe? It’s not really as bad as it looks, I never hurt anyone that didn’t want it. Or didn’t deserve it.

PDG: Deserve it?

SARYN: Everyone deserves what they get, dear. Not the other way around.

FROST: I just don’t know if I’m comfortable with it.

SARYN: Well it wasn’t the ideal introduction to the lifestyle...

PDG: For him.

SARYN: For him, yes. Honestly, you never suspected it? Given the way I dress and the stuff in my nightstand drawer?

FROST: I thought that was just your look... And I never met a girl that didn’t have a pair of handcuffs in her drawer, for just something different every once in a while.

SARYN: Maybe those wussy sex shop handcuffs with the fur on the manacle...

FROST: That doesn’t help.

SARYN: Well, some people just like something different all the time!

FROST: You let PDG crack a whip at naked people! That’s not even sex!

SARYN: For you it isn’t.

PDG: I didn’t even really hit them with it either, you snap it just above their skin to scare the bejeezus out of them. It’s not like I was doing my scorpion thing on a tenno or something. No offense.

SARYN: Don’t worry about it.

FROST: We’re here.

SARYN: Are you coming in with us?

FROST: Nah... I think I need to call the boys. Maybe go get some tacos at the drive thru. I really need to think about this.

SARYN: Dammit.

PDG: Well bye! Nice hanging out with you!

SARYN: I was afraid this would happen. Now I won’t get laid tonight.

PDG: He’ll come around, can’t you just like, command him too? Get all black lace and leather on him? Lady Hemlocke demands it?

SARYN: No dear, he isn’t like that... That’s why I like him.

PDG: Oh. Sorry.

SARYN: Although I am hungry for tacos now.

PDG: I’ll buy if you fly.

SARYN: You can’t afford it dear, you’re just a pizza delivery girl.

PDG: Well, I was until tonight. Soon I’ll be making more money than you.

SARYN: Well, that’s true. Get in the car, we’ll go to the taco bell down the street.

PDG: But the Jack in the Box is just around the corner!

SARYN: I know, and that’s where he’s going. He needs his space.

PDG: Are you gonna be alright?

SARYN: Stupid men into kinky looking girls, then they’re surprised when they’re actually kinky...

PDG: I command you to start the car.

SARYN: It doesn’t work like that dear, you can’t top another domme. Especially one meaner and more experienced than you... A****** fans thinking I’m a Mary Sue. Do Mary Sues ever have relationship problems?

[Doozy84]

MAG: Saryn honey, are you up in there?

SARYN: ...

MAG: Saryn?

SARYN: What time is it?

MAG: 3 in the afternoon.

SARYN: Die in a fire.

MAG: I’m going to ignore that. Come on honey, get up. We’re going to the gym.

SARYN: mrrrrrgggglllrrrnnng.

MAG: Did your boyfriend keep you up all night?

SARYN: No, he kept me up all night worrying about whether or not I still have one.

EMBER: Hey Mag, what gives? Grab Snow White and lets get out of here.

MAG: I think she’s having trouble in paradise, Ember.

EMBER: Morticia Addams lost her Gomez?

SARYN: I will cut you, Ember.

EMBER: Well that settles it. We have to do a girl’s day for the Bride of Frankenstein in there. Get up Saryn, its time for some girl talk!

SARYN: I dun’t wanna.

MAG: Honey, we’re doing endless defense tomorrow.

SARYN: So what?

MAG: So its not xini. We’re doing Grineer defenses. Your boyfriend is going to be there Snow Globing the pod, so you better get all your crying and comfort food eating out of the way now.

SARYN: Fine.

EMBER: Holy crap! You look like someone put a black crayon in a microwave.

SARYN: I wear a lot of eyeshadow. And I’ve been crying.

MAG: Come on honey, let’s go get you a cheeseburger or something.

SARYN: Tacos. Tacos are my comfort food.

2 HOURS LATER, BACK AT MAG AND EMBER’S APARTMENT.

EMBER: Boardwalk *@##$es! Pay up! You owe me a mint!

SARYN: I don’t understand how you cheating at monopoly is supposed to make me feel better.

MAG: Ember, you’re cheating?

EMBER: I’m being creative with the bank.

MAG: What? I thought you were just bad at math?

EMBER: Well I am, but I insisted on being banker anyways so I could cook the books. If I was better at math it would probably be less obvious.

SARYN: What kind of A****** cheats at boardgames?

EMBER: What, you don’t cheat at boardgames?

MAG: No.

EMBER: Well you obviously don’t want to win that bad then. Always cheat, always win.

MAG: At monopoly?

EMBER: At everything? The only fair race is the one you lost. If you don’t cheat, someone else will.

SARYN: But nobody else here cheated! It was literally just you!

EMBER: More fool you for not trying, sucker! Now you owe me $1200!

SARYN: I don’t have that much!

EMBER: Then give me those cute black 3 inch heels you have and we’ll call it even.

SARYN: I’m not paying you real objects for a boardgame debt that you fabricated by cheating!

EMBER: Whatever, monopoly sucks anyways.

MAG: Maybe we should stop playing monopoly...

EMBER: It was your stupid idea anyways. I dunno how that dumb game is supposed to help anyone feel better.

MAG: Well I’m not playing Axis and Allies, it takes too long to set up and you cheat at that too.

EMBER: You’re just jealous your crappy soviet infantry can’t stop my Nazi super science.

MAG: Your “Nazi super science” Is just palming more tanks into the Ukraine when I’m not looking.

EMBER: Well, the Fuhrer demands we take Stalingrad before winter, so naturally Field Marshall Ember Rommel had to take some shortcuts.

SARYN: God, is there anything you don’t cheat at?

EMBER: Not if I can avoid it.

MAG: This is not how I envisioned this afternoon playing out.

EMBER: We can take her to Chippendales, get her a cute new boyfriend with those little cuffs on his wrists.

MAG: I don’t think she’s all the way broken up yet, dear.

SARYN: All those guys are gay anyways.

EMBER: How do you know?

SARYN: Hello, retired dominatrix? I used to know all the weirdos in the adult entertainment business. We used to catch the male strippers in the Denny’s getting coffee after their shift every saturday night.

EMBER: Denny’s is full of gay male strippers and weird perverts at 4am every saturday night? That sounds awesome!

MAG: Another time. Saryn, have you tried calling him?

SARYN: Oh come on, I’m not that pathetic.

EMBER: Ha.

SARYN: 3 times.

EMBER: 4 times.

SARYN: what?

EMBER: I cheated and looked at your call history in your phone.

MAG: You are so horrible!

EMBER: At losing. Because I always win. Because “cheaters never prosper” is just some bullS#&$ line they teach you in grade school to keep you from succeeding.

MAG: Well if you’re so smart dear, what about your boyfriend? Do you cheat on him?

EMBER: Of course not.

MAG: So there is something you won’t cheat on.

EMBER: Well none of the other guys we hang out with are my type. But if there was like an Ash number 2, I’d have them both on speed dial and call the other whenever one of them was hanging out with the guys playing Madden.

MAG: We’ve assassinated corrupt Grineer politicians that aren’t as horrible as you.

SARYN: Can we get tacos again?

MAG: Of course, dear. But if you had to guess, where do you think your boo is right now?

EMBER: Honey, they’re men. He’s at Cal’s place drinking beers and playing xbox.

SARYN: He’s not really that into videogames though...

EMBER: Take it from the cheater dear, they’re all alike. He’s at Cal’s place, drinking beers and playing xbox.

MEANWHILE, AT ASH AND CAL’S APARTMENT

FROST: The New Olympus Patriots? Really? Just screw you dude. Seriously. You put the Pats up against my Raiders?

ASH: Dude, there’s nothing wrong with the Raiders.

FROST: Yea, 4 thousand years ago when the Raiders were on Earth and Bo Jackson was alive.

CAL: Well he could have picked the Chargers.

FROST: That’s just low. Give me another beer.

ASH: You’re going down no matter who I pick Frosty, I’m the man at this game.

FROST: Did you just look at my controller to see which play I selected?

ASH: Of course not, that would be cheating.

CAL: You’re such a piece of S#&$, Ash.

FROST: You did! There’s no way you could have known I was going to blitz!

ASH: Okay so I may have committed some playbook espionage, its part of the game.

FROST: Yea, so is this.

ASH: Dude you unplugged me!

FROST: And the quarterback is toast! How’d you like that, cheater?

ASH: What are you, the only guy in the galaxy who doesn’t cheat at videogames? Come on.

CAL: Yea right.

ASH: Seriously? Like you guys didn’t stockpile morphics like they were going out of style on that one weekend when the drop tables were wacky? That wasn’t cheating?

FROST: Well, that wasn’t cheating.

ASH: Oh you are so splitting hairs! As if every grineer marine on mercury is supposed to drop that S#&$ every time you shoot him in the face. Come on man, you had to know you were banking on it that day.

FROST: Well that’s a different thing.

ASH: Right, like turning invisible so people don’t see me when I kill them, right? That’s not cheating either? Or is it just not cheating when we do it against non-tenno.

CAL: Okay, well...

ASH: Always cheat, always win. Get the morphics, get paid, go home.

FROST: And what about your girlfriend?

ASH: Well if I wasn’t already dating the hottest chick on the team...

CAL: That’s so perfect. You just know she’d say the exact same thing.

ASH: Speaking of hot girlfriends, don’t you usually see Saryn today? Why aren’t you all up in Wednesday Addam’s guts?

FROST: Wednesday Addams?

ASH: Sorry, that’s Ember rubbing off on me. You know those 2 are always catty to each other.

FROST: I kind of told her I needed a little time off to think about some stuff.

ASH: Think about what, like how you’re not putting your hands on the second hottest girl on the team right now?

CAL: Well, that’s subjective to taste, dude.

ASH: Hey, Mag is cute, I’m not saying she’s not a catch. But after Ember? Come on. We all know Saryn has the second most dangerous curves. Don’t act like you never did a lineup in your head.

FROST: It’s just that she’s kind of into some stuff I’m not really comfortable with.

ASH: You mean your hot girlfriend that’s totally your type and a little freaky looking is actually a freak? Why is this suddenly a bad thing?

FROST: Dude you should have seen some of the stuff that was going down in that dungeon.

ASH: Dungeon?

FROST: Yes, like literally a dungeon.

CAL: Like what?

FROST: Well she shoulder threw another girl onto a mattress for looking at her funny, and then she taught PDG how to whip people...

ASH: Your girlfriend was in a catfight with another chick? Isn’t that your fantasy or something? I mean you pretty much only watch rollerderby to see those chicks lay into each other.

FROST: Well yea, but this was a little deeper than that. And that catfight was really one-sided.

ASH: You’re a fuckin idiot, dude.

CAL: Ash, come on man.

ASH: No for real. You’re gonna give up your hot &#! girlfriend that you were totally into and got along really well with because she took your weird fetish a lot more seriously than you did? I would totally let her throw me around if I wasn’t dating Ember.

FROST: Well come on man, it was some weird stuff.

ASH: Oh yea, and you perving out to rollerderby isn’t weird? Come on man, she didn’t learn to walk in 6 inch stiletto heels by not wearing them.

CAL: Well its not like she went out of her way to involve you in that or anything, I mean you’re the one who insisted on going to that freakshow, right?

FROST: Yea... Am I an A******?

CAL: She did respect you enough to try to keep you out of that S#&$ because she thought it might hurt you. I mean she did do that much for you.

ASH: You might not be an A******, but you’re probably the dumbest son of a *@##$ alive if you lose a girl that looks like Jessica Rabbit dressed like Joan Jett over this crap. I mean its not like there isn’t going to be a hundred guys willing to put up with her whole Edward Scissorhands act if you can’t. She’s pretty freakin hot, dude.

FROST: I should give her a call.

ASH: Right after you get intercepted! Oh! What’s up!

FROST: You were still playing the whole time we were having this bro moment? You piece of S#&$!

ASH: And the Raiders still suck! No one is surprised!

[Doozy84]

In honor of Double Affinity Weekend, I have decided to do 2 things.

First, because DE is mocking me by holding Double Affinity weekend, Ced23Ric and all the other mods who I know are creeping this thread are on DOUBLE SECRET OFF THE ISLAND PROBATION for having double affinity weekend the exact week my laptop melted and died due to water damage. So, not only have I lost my tier 3 login reward streak, but now I don’t get to level my ash and my banshee over the weekend. THANKS FOR RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUNDS, JERKS. I will of course accept apologies in the form of orokin catalysts credited to my account. 3 or 4 should be enough to get you out of the dog house, but I am open to hostage negotiations.

Second, We will be having our first ever ASK A TENNO! That’s where you jerks ask questions, and one of the tenno will hop through the 4th wall to answer them. Except Rhino. Rhino doesn’t need any help getting through the 4th wall, he already terrorizes the Fan Zone.

RHINO: YO ITS THE RHINO FAN ZONE NOW, GOOMBAS.

Case in point. So our ‘ask a warframe’ tenno this weekend will be... Who’s getting a lot of attention lately...

SARYN: Don’t say Saryn.

SARYN!

SARYN: Dammit.

Ask Saryn any question, and she will have to answer, no matter how crude, tasteless, or offensive your question is.

SARYN: That is so not happening.

With no reprisal!

SARYN: I will come to your house and turn you into a puddle of soylent green.

Ask away! Anything!

SARYN: No questions about my relationship, that’s in enough trouble already.

Anything!

SARYN: Why the hell couldn’t it be Ember? She’s the damn sycophant-loving narcissist.

[Doozy84]

ok question for Saryn :D

 

Is Frosty good in bed?

How much does it cost to hire you for a night?

Why doesn't PDG have a real name?

 

Is Frosty good in bed?

And the bar is set incredibly high with the first question. When this thread gets locked for breaking the PG13 EULA, you’ll know why. Also, you’re a dead man. Not a threat, statement of fact.

How much does it cost to hire you for a night?

Currenty? Nothing. Because I’ve retired from that business. Back when I was working in the scene? None of your damn business. Besides, I was a dominatrix, not an escort. I don’t think you understand what that means, but it certainly doesn’t involve you putting anything of yours into something of mine. But it might involve putting something of mine into something of yours.

Why doesn't PDG have a real name?

She does, but with questions like this, don’t think I’d tell a creeper like you.

[Doozy84]

How did you first get introduced to your current job?

 

Do you prefer fighting any particular faction? (Grineer, Corpus, Infested)

 

What got you into your roller derby hobby/side-job?

 

How did you first get introduced to your current job?

Much better question. You have pleased your mistress. I was doing Krav Maga classes for “work” and a recruiter got a hold of me because my educational background was uniquely suited for piloting a biological warfare warframe. The money was decent, it was good exercise, and I got to use my education and vent some of my more violent urges, so it seemed like a good fit. Health benefits were good too... It got really old writing in “dominatrix” as my profession on health insurance applications. Money’s great, but benefits and retirement are better.

Do you prefer fighting any particular faction? (Grineer, Corpus, Infested)

Infested, because they group up for glaive throws and miasma bombing. Not very satisfying to kill though, they just sort of run at you and die. Grineer at least appreciate pain and terror... Oh god don’t let PDG see that.

What got you into your roller derby hobby/side-job?

It’s good exercise and it satisfies certain sadistic urges that were going neglected when I stopped hanging out in the scene. Being tenno is decent money, but we don’t actually work as much as you’d think. Its a typical military-contractor schedule, like 6 months on, 6 months off. That and being a certified martial arts expert space ninja skating with a bunch of normal white-collar girls is pretty much cheating. I smear those little princesses all over the rink, its priceless.

[Doozy84]

What music do you generally prefer to listen to?

 

How nervous were you when you started the "Tasteful stuff?"

 

What animal do you like the most?

 

What music do you generally prefer to listen to?

A lot of jazz actually. But I have a weak spot for 80s hair metal. Alice Cooper, Dio, Megadeth, AC/DC. DON’T EVER TELL THAT TO EMBER, I’LL KILL YOU. I actually really can’t stand most of that goth rock crap, no Nine Inch Nails, no Cradle of Filth. I’m kind of going through a thing lately where I just listen to Joan Jett and the Blackhearts “Hate myself for loving you” nonstop because of... personal reasons.

How nervous were you when you started the "Tasteful stuff?"

Really nervous. But everyone in the scene is really nice. Nobody actually just walks up to you and starts kicking your &#! or expects you to step on them or spit on them or something. Everyone has boundaries and most people are really sweet, a lot of times when you see people just going at it in public like they’re just abusive perverts, its because they already know each other really well and that boundary has already been established. People who come into the scene and just expect to be in charge or get stepped on constantly don’t actually last in the scene, you actually have to have a surprising amount of empathy to ‘play’ constructively. If you act like a jerk you won’t get called back and nobody will play with you. That’s actually pretty much a universal rule in the lifestyle everywhere you go, if you can’t handle a happy place, you certainly aren’t invited to a kinky place. Consent isn’t inferred.

What animal do you like the most?

I like a lot of marine reef predators. I had an octopus tatted on my back when I was in college, and I also really like moray eels because they have those cool second jaws like the xenomorph in Alien.

[Doozy84]

Can you buy me ice cream and a napkin Volt used so i can sniff it

I used to beat the hell out of perverts like you just to fill my gas tank. Keep it up sweetheart, I might not be in the biz anymore, but I’m certainly not rusty. You better hope the mods throw you out before I find you.

 

Is frost really worth it? 

And can you kill Loki? or in the very least give him cancer.

next.

 

You still did not answer whether you will get me a napkin that Volt used.

I’ll get to you after that weirdo Lord Midnight honey, he signed up for a much deserved attitude adjustment first. In the meantime, put the lotion in the basket.

[Doozy84]

Questions for Saryn:

 

What is your favorite primary weapon?

 

Do you ever try to use stealth? (I know it doesn't work well, key word is 'try')

 

What would you consider to be the most useful skill for a warframe operator?

 

 

((Comment for Saryn, good luck. Relationships are hard work but worth it.))

 

What is your favorite primary weapon?

I started out really liking firearms, but the traditional stuff grew on me. Its a little more sophisticated, little more sexy. Either critting or exploding, the bow is lovely.

Do you ever try to use stealth? (I know it doesn't work well, key word is 'try')

Fear works better.

What would you consider to be the most useful skill for a warframe operator?

its a mix between patience and greed. Tenno that rush lose money and power. Its a live fast, die young spec ops kind of job, but one of the nice parts of war is getting to mercilessly steal everything. Stop and loot once in awhile, the grineer won’t get any deader and the lockdown won’t release itself. Kill people, take their stuff, make sure you’ve taken all of it. One of the better parts of turning people into puddles of protean filth is that their wallets just sit in the middle of the puddle. My bills don’t pay themselves.

 

((Comment for Saryn, good luck. Relationships are hard work but worth it.))

aw, that’s sweet. I guess not everyone in this thread is a scumbag after all.

[Doozy84]

I'll bite.

 

What makes Ursula your favorite Disney villain? Is it anything in particular, or are we just talking general feelings?

 

I'll bite.

don’t tease.

What makes Ursula your favorite Disney villain? Is it anything in particular, or are we just talking general feelings?

Well, she’s an octopus, a necromancer, and she coerces Ariel into giving up her greatest talent by convincing her with a misogynistic argument. Its classic Disney sexism. I think if we go strictly Disney, then Dr. Facilier is in second place, but if we allow the indy animated movies, Rasputin and Ratigan were both better, they were just so wonderfully evil, and that’s kind of my thing.

[Doozy84]

Questions!

What do you think about your new helmet? I personally think the earrings are odd.

 

Have you ever tried using nothing but poison weapons? Yknow, a loadout consisting of just Torid, Acrid and Mire? I'd love to see how that'd work.

 

Besides you and Frost (I hope that works out, by the way), who has the coolest armor? Personally, I think Volt's got the best looking armor.

 

(Thing for Doozy: Good lord, this is amazing. Just amazing.)

 

Also, have you seen Vauban anywhere?

 

 

Questions!

What do you think about your new helmet? I personally think the earrings are odd.

 

Have you ever tried using nothing but poison weapons? Yknow, a loadout consisting of just Torid, Acrid and Mire? I'd love to see how that'd work.

 

Besides you and Frost (I hope that works out, by the way), who has the coolest armor? Personally, I think Volt's got the best looking armor.

 

(Thing for Doozy: Good lord, this is amazing. Just amazing.)

 

Also, have you seen Vauban anywhere?

 

What do you think about your new helmet? I personally think the earrings are odd.

It’s interesting. I do have a certain attachment to my standard helmet, on account of it makes me look like the queen in Aliens. Every time I suit up I just feel like I could kick Sigourney Weaver’s &#!. If you’re gonna kick another woman’s &#!, Sigourney is a pretty good one to aim for.

Have you ever tried using nothing but poison weapons? Yknow, a loadout consisting of just Torid, Acrid and Mire? I'd love to see how that'd work.

Is there anyone who has actually ever used the Mire, ever? Is it a myth? Well, naturally acrid works. No surprise there. I am a fan of Torid, it comes with me on defense a lot if I’m not ranking something else.

Besides you and Frost (I hope that works out, by the way), who has the coolest armor? Personally, I think Volt's got the best looking armor.

Volt is easily the most stylish tenno, its not even really up for opinion. But seeing how Ember dresses out of frame, its no surprise that he’s the only one with fashion sense.

(Thing for Doozy: Good lord, this is amazing. Just amazing.)

 

Also, have you seen Vauban anywhere?

I actually ran into him in a record store the other day, but I didn’t know it was him, and he wasn’t exactly in the section that I would expect a gentleman of his ethnicity to be in. God I hope that doesn’t sound racist. Didn’t figure out it was him until I saw him in the briefing room later suiting up for a mission.

[Doozy84]

Questiooooooons:

 

Questiooooooons:

What are your thoughts on tacos?

I like tacos.

I like dem very much.

 

What are your thoughts on tacos?

I like tacos.

I like dem very much.

Never, ever, ever ask a woman about her preferred comfort food. Nothing good will ever come of it. I’m not exactly in a position to give relationship advice lately, but comfort food is a boobytrap topic for women. Its like when we say nothing is bothering us or we ask you if we look fat. No good will ever come of it.

[Doozy84]

So Saryn, because you're such a classy lady:

What's Vauban like, in your opinion?

Opinions on Loki?

Opinions on Rhino?

Opinions on Ember?

Mag?

Cal?

Trinity?

Nova?

...Frost?

 

So Saryn, because you're such a classy lady:

What's Vauban like, in your opinion?

very professional.

Opinions on Loki?

If I ever see him out of frame I will hurt him in ways that are indescribable for what he did to my entire wardrobe.

Opinions on Rhino?

surprisingly tolerable.

Opinions on Ember?

vapid, selfish, pyromaniacal egotist. But at least she’s good at her job.

Mag?

probably the biggest closeted sex freak I’ve ever seen. Educated guess.

Cal?

Has no idea what he’s about to get into with that girl.

Trinity?

total sweetheart

Nova?

really professional, but my might actually be as boring as Mag is pretending to be.

...Frost?

no comment. But we can talk about your deathwish...

[Doozy84]

Alrighty then. Why did you decide to study biolodgy in college?

What was it like on your first outing in a warframe?

Was it difficult acclimating to the warframe?

Why does your frame have heels?

 

Alrighty then. Why did you decide to study biolodgy in college?

Well, I was kind of into marine biology, on account of my favorite animals, but I didn’t think that typical jobs in the scholastic sector were really worth the education, so I went for broke in molecular biology because I figured I could at least get a really wicked high paying job in stuff like pharmaceuticals or one of the other questionably ethical fields that was blowing up at the time. Go to school and everyone is like “I don’t know about cloning!” Get cryofrozen, wake up a bajillion years later, find out half the galaxy is run by clones and that jackass Tyl Regor is wiping his degenerate DNA &#! with my thesis. It figures.

What was it like on your first outing in a warframe?

Like my old job, but with more sharp implements and no safe words. I was scared S#&$less, of course.

Was it difficult acclimating to the warframe?

Not until I put the heels on it. Most girls complain about walking in heels, but when you pay your way through college walking on people’s backs with 9” stripper platforms, you learn a thing or to about it, and then you can do pretty much anything in heels, from hooking a stripper pole to jabbing the point between someone’s ribs.

Why does your frame have heels?

Call it a personal touch.

[Doozy84]

would you vote to get a gun scythe? 

 

 

 

would you vote to get a gun scythe?

No, I’m hardcore wear black everyday even if its 110 outside goth. Edward Scissorhands and Tim Burton’s Batman goth. I don’t go in for that new school hot topic bullS#&$.

Gun scythes sound stupid. Like japanese rpg stupid.

 

[Doozy84]

Woo! saryn time!

I've got a lovely little fan art piece in the workings of you, however I have no freaking idea what colors to make it.

 

What's your preferred color scheme?

 

Woo! saryn time!

I've got a lovely little fan art piece in the workings of you, however I have no freaking idea what colors to make it.

 

What's your preferred color scheme?

well, black naturally.

[Doozy84]

Hey Saryn, got a few questions if you feel like you want to deal with another sap poking you. wont touch on the frost bit, I know that's a tad on the "bad for your health" side. 

 

#1: What would you say is the strangest thing you've ever found your roommates (past or present) doing?

 

#2: If you were to design a weapon, be it melee or ranged, what would it be? how would you make the perfect weapon in your own opinion?

 

#3: Thank you for looking out for PDG, many of us here in the Design council appreciate it. if they say they dont, There's always the Loki option till they do. Though the question is what is your favorite planet to visit? I'm not talking for missions or that kinda thing, but more in your off time. Bit of a fan of Saturn myself, Nice to see old titan tech floating around in the sky. bit stormy but nice.

 

#4: Is there anything you'd like to request of the design council? anything we could try and work on for you that you believe would be helpful?

 

#5: Have you ever met Lotus in person?

 

 

Also tip, take it or leave it. from one snow loving guy to someone who has issues with a snow loving guy... try snow cones or ben and jerries ice cream (on him not you).

 

 

Hey Saryn, got a few questions if you feel like you want to deal with another sap poking you. wont touch on the frost bit, I know that's a tad on the "bad for your health" side. 

 

#1: What would you say is the strangest thing you've ever found your roommates (past or present) doing?

 

#2: If you were to design a weapon, be it melee or ranged, what would it be? how would you make the perfect weapon in your own opinion?

 

#3: Thank you for looking out for PDG, many of us here in the Design council appreciate it. if they say they dont, There's always the Loki option till they do. Though the question is what is your favorite planet to visit? I'm not talking for missions or that kinda thing, but more in your off time. Bit of a fan of Saturn myself, Nice to see old titan tech floating around in the sky. bit stormy but nice.

 

#4: Is there anything you'd like to request of the design council? anything we could try and work on for you that you believe would be helpful?

 

#5: Have you ever met Lotus in person?

 

 

Also tip, take it or leave it. from one snow loving guy to someone who has issues with a snow loving guy... try snow cones or ben and jerries ice cream (on him not you).

 

Hey Saryn, got a few questions if you feel like you want to deal with another sap poking you. wont touch on the frost bit, I know that's a tad on the "bad for your health" side.

 

#1: What would you say is the strangest thing you've ever found your roommates (past or present) doing?

Back in college I hung out with a lot of girls in the adult industry because of my job, and we all got along really great, except they did a lot of stuff I would never be caught dead doing. They always used to tell me how jealous they were that my look that I had as part of my job didn’t take a lot of effort, and I always used to tell them that they were full of crap and that wearing black all day, especially on hot days, is a huge commitment and I put just as much time into makeup and preening myself as they did.

Well, I was wrong. They were right. I don’t do any work on my image compared to some of those girls. Not after I heard about the bleaching of a certain orifice.

#2: If you were to design a weapon, be it melee or ranged, what would it be? how would you make the perfect weapon in your own opinion?

They really just need to completely revamp all the longswords in general, and not enough weapons have any utility value. People say that the glaive and the kestrel are joke weapons, but you have to ask yourself, “is anyone realistically going toe-to-toe with a level 80 infested ancient with a sword?” The answer is no. I suppose if we stole the whip from the Grineer scorpions, that could be fun...But PDG would never forgive me... And I kind of already made her life more difficult.

#3: Thank you for looking out for PDG, many of us here in the Design council appreciate it. if they say they dont, There's always the Loki option till they do. Though the question is what is your favorite planet to visit? I'm not talking for missions or that kinda thing, but more in your off time. Bit of a fan of Saturn myself, Nice to see old titan tech floating around in the sky. bit stormy but nice.

Sedna. Rusalka has pretty much the only good goth bar in the galaxy.

#4: Is there anything you'd like to request of the design council? anything we could try and work on for you that you believe would be helpful?

The targeting programing on my number 1 still sucks, and the guy who designed the parkour rooms in the grineer galleon tileset needs to be beaten with rubber hoses.

 

#5: Have you ever met Lotus in person?

No, that’s actually a hard and fast rule. None of us have ever met Lotus. Or Lotuses. There might be more than one, of course. We never know our handlers during missions, its a double-blind system to discourage enemy infiltration in our data network.

 

Also tip, take it or leave it. from one snow loving guy to someone who has issues with a snow loving guy... try snow cones or ben and jerries ice cream (on him not you).

[Doozy84]

So snappy...such a VENEMOUS attitude. Honey, being mean is futile. Kinda like a snake without POISON. You should find a word to like. I'll give a suggestion. SARYNdepity. Please don't hurt me I swear I'll be good..... What if I buy you the complete Ed Hardy Perfume collection? Is that Goth enough to appease you? And can you at least tell Volt that Solaurus says he loves him in a semi-#$$ way?

The deal is I answer questions, not tolerate a smartass.

[Doozy84]

Gentleman Zeus here.. don't wish to whistle too many balls again, but I have MOAR Questions! XD

 

What was the hardest should you say "client" you had to deal with? Knowing the PG13 EULA, you can make it brief or you can skip this question entirely. Your call.

 

If the Warframe regime disbanded, would you consider going back to your "tasteful stuff?" Or would you consider career opportunities?

 

Did you play any video games?

 

Do you watch TV? If so what do you watch?

 

And lastly about your suit... Are the shoulder pauldrons solid/rigid, or is that fur? If it's fur, then I say you're a classy lady. (And that was a complement, not a flirt... maybe... <.<)

 

 

Gentleman Zeus here.. don't wish to whistle too many balls again, but I have MOAR Questions! XD

 

What was the hardest should you say "client" you had to deal with? Knowing the PG13 EULA, you can make it brief or you can skip this question entirely. Your call.

 

If the Warframe regime disbanded, would you consider going back to your "tasteful stuff?" Or would you consider career opportunities?

 

Did you play any video games?

 

Do you watch TV? If so what do you watch?

 

And lastly about your suit... Are the shoulder pauldrons solid/rigid, or is that fur? If it's fur, then I say you're a classy lady. (And that was a complement, not a flirt... maybe... <.<)

 

Gentleman Zeus here.. don't wish to whistle too many balls again, but I have MOAR Questions! XD

 

What was the hardest should you say "client" you had to deal with? Knowing the PG13 EULA, you can make it brief or you can skip this question entirely. Your call.

I had a politician for awhile that didn’t want anything particularly meaner than my usual routine, but was the biggest pain was the level of security. He’d have his limo pick me up, drop me off at a hotel room to shake the paparazzi, and I’d wait about a half hour in the hotel room, then his secretary would pick me up in her daily driver and take me to an apartment uptown that I’m sure his wife didn’t know about... But his marital problems were none of my business.

If the Warframe regime disbanded, would you consider going back to your "tasteful stuff?" Or would you consider career opportunities?

I might teach it, but given my education I could probably make way better money in pharma or clandestine bio weapon research. I haven’t really stayed abreast of the scientific journals lately though so I have no idea how much of my expertise is still relevant. All of my concoctions still work on all the grineer and corpus though, so the business has either lost its touch since I got frozen, or I’m either just that far out in front.

Did you play any video games?

traditional RPGs. The ones based on pen and paper roleplaying games. I kind of got into some geek stuff while I was in the scene because the scene crosses over a lot with geek culture. I liked Fallout, Fallout 2, and Planescape: Torment.

Do you watch TV? If so what do you watch?

Mostly just that strange sex show. And documentaries about marine biology. I read a lot. All the books about vampires naturally, but real vampires. Twilight doesn’t count, that’s kiddy stuff.

 

And lastly about your suit... Are the shoulder pauldrons solid/rigid, or is that fur? If it's fur, then I say you're a classy lady. (And that was a complement, not a flirt... maybe... <.<)

It’s actually a gene-modified hyper-dense chitin that protects my neck from incoming projectiles. And helps me look like the xenomorph from Alien. HR Giger is my favorite artist.

[Doozy84]

Hm... what do you think of Doozy, Saryn?

Well he put me up to this so he’s not exactly on my In list lately.

[Doozy84]

Mmm....I suppose I could ask one question.

 

 

If you wanted a pet what kind of pet would you own?

 

If you don't want a pet then why not? (I could actually understand not wanting one. I imagine being a space ninja would make one hard to take care of.)

 

I wanted an octopus, but the problem is that octopi are like cats, in that they can be dangerously smart and get into a lot of trouble. An 8 pound octopus can lift a 40 pound aquarium lid and escape from his own enclosure. Octopi need to be fed live prey because otherwise they get bored, and there are no freshwater species of them and operating a marine aquarium and monitoring the water chemistry is pretty much the most asinine thing ever.

So no, I don’t have pets, because the only one I would want is an 8 legged slimy sociopath that would die if left alone. Kind of like a more charming version of Ember, really.

[Doozy84]

I have questions too ahahah ! 

 

1: What is your greatest fear , if you have one ?

 

2: What do ou think of the stalker ? How do you think he looks out of his frame?

 

3: Have ever done some duels with other tenno, just to see who's the strongest ?

 

I have questions too ahahah !

good questions...

1: What is your greatest fear , if you have one ?

that’s easy. Poverty. There’s one reason why I’m a goth, a tenno, I advocate brazen looting, and I financed my education with whips and chains. One reason for all of it.

I was born venus terraforming colony trash. Which for you 21st century people, pretty much translates to white trailer trash. My family was poor as hell growing up, we lived in an aluminum hab tube with a chemical shower and a sink, our home was weather-sealed against the Venusian hurricane-force winds by lead-lined adhesive magnetic sheeting (which is really just giant space duct tape) and my 21st birthday was spent brewing moonshine instead of drinking it- Venus is a planet of moonshiners, whenever the supply ships were stormed in (often) by the heinous Venusian weather, we had to purify our water the only way we could- making it into alcohol. I haven’t had a drink since the day I left Venus. The taste of alcohol just reminds me of being poor.

That’s really why I took the tenno job, fetish shows are a gravy train, and big pharma is even more money, but tenno military benefits are pretty much the most ironclad healthcare and retirement plans in the galaxy. I’ll blow my own brains out before I die broke, you can quote me on that.

2: What do ou think of the stalker ? How do you think he looks out of his frame?

What do I think of the stalker? Miasma, a glaive throw, and 2 or 3 sleeves of throwing daggers right to the head. I grew up poor and he thinks he can judge me now that I’ve got my money where I want it? Yea right. he can get cut. What do I think he looks like out of his frame? Like every other poor dumb clod that tries to get between me and my bank account- A puddle melted flesh goop.

3: Have ever done some duels with other tenno, just to see who's the strongest ?

Dueling is really cute until Ember shows up. Overheat is 91% damage mitigation and the fire ticks from it ignore armor. That’s one of the great transparent benefits of being tenno though, all the worst A******s in the galaxy are on my team.

[Doozy84]

Saryn, what would happen to your opinion of Loki if you knew...

That he just saved Mag and Excalibur's life?

 

Saryn, what would happen to your opinion of Loki if you knew...

That he just saved Mag and Excalibur's life?

Well yea, we’re tenno. When we’re on a mission its literally 4 of us versus every other jerk on the space ship between point A and point B. Doesn’t mean he’s not an A******. I’ll still kick the S#&amp;&#036; out of him if I ever meet him in person.

[Doozy84]

Maybe getting hold of some cyanide? It would certainly save on her bills.

 

Maybe getting hold of some cyanide? It would certainly save on her bills.

Nah, we have a quartermaster and a lab and expense accounts. I don’t need his piddly little apology gift basket, but because I’ve been poor, I naturally won’t turn down free anything.

I’ll still ignore him though. He had his chance and he squandered it by being a jackass. I don’t have to be nice to him. I put myself through college by being paid to be mean to people, and made it all the way up to merciless space ninja. You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going back to nice now.