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A Quick And Dirty Fanfic


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While taking a few sick days from work, my literally diseased mind mixed a few things together and spat this out.




Nova pulled on Mag's shoulder and shook her awake. "Mag! Hey, Mag!"


"Ugghhh, it's too early..." Mag rolled over and tried to get her bedsheets back on.


Nova pulled Mag right out of bed. "Hey! Mag! This is really bad!"


Mag sat on the floor and rubbed her eyes. "What?"


"Nyx! She's going on a date!"


Mag reached out a hand and pulled her gear to herself. "So what?"


"Do you know who she's going a on a date with?"


"No, who?"


A shadow fell through the doorway as Nyx spoke, "Only the greatest man in the whole universe, you know."


Nova flailed her arms and jumped up and down. "Girl, he's old enough to be your great-grandaddy!"


Nyx stepped forward into the room with hands on her hips. "That means he's a true gentleman and he's mature."


Mag wondered who the hell they were talking about.


Nova was exasperated. She waved her arms up in the air. "Girl, he stole a void key!"


"That means he's a provider and has plenty of money."


"Girl, he's a Grineer captain! Grineer! Think about that!"


"So he has authority and enough wisdom to keep it."


It finally dawned on Mag who they were talking about. "Oh. Oh Kami-sama. Nyx, we need to talk. Now."


"Talk about how much I am in love? Certainly."


Nova interjected, "Girl, you crazy!"


"Well if you don't understand what true love is then you have no right to speak to me that way." And with that, she left.




The loudspeaker droned on, "We take worker safety seriously. If you believe there is a problem, please report it to your immediate manager as soon as possible."


Yeah, sure, and when people accidentally fell into the meatgrinder machine, it was all hushed up. The boy scout got demoted and sent to a deprivation job - counting the number of grains of sand in a kilogram of soil. If that task were to somehow ever be completed, then he would have to count how many such grains of sand would be required to construct a Fusion Moa. And it was Smith's job to collect reports from that poor whistleblower and his sorry work.


But at least Smith wasn't that guy. Smith only had to fill out a Tarded Production System report once a month. His coffee was at least 10% real plant matter. His cubicle was a massive 5 square meters. He went to the same business school as the higher-ups. He was somewhere within Alad V's part of the business unit. You could say that he was kinda a big deal on this side of the office.


And Smith also got to do some kind of real work. He looked at his screen, looked at a few dozen books on his desk, and punched in some numbers. DISCREPANCY DETECTED. Goody, he got to talk to someone out of the company. He picked up his big bulky phone and hit some more numbers.


After a few rings, a young woman's voice answered. "Hello?"


"This is Smith from Corpus Shipping & Fulfillment, calling about an order you placed on... uh... two days ago, an order for a bottle of wine."




"Uhhh, the shipment of alchohol to any location on Mercury requires a background check, so I ran one on you and..."


"Oh yeah, um, my name is Jane Doe. Yes. That is totally my name."


"Okay, Jane, well according to the records, you are officially dead."


"Hahahahaha, there must be a mistake in the system."


"Well, according to law, we're gonna have to put a hold on your account until we get this---"


"There is a mistake in your stupid system! What is wrong with you! Why are you always trying to get between me and true love!"


"Miss Jane, please understand that---"


"You are incompetent! You are reading my information wrong! I want to speak to your manager!"


"I am the manager, but if you want to enter a formal escalation---"


"You don't understand! Nobody understands! They all think I'm crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm in love! True love!"


A dead tone droned through the phone. Well, at least all calls were recorded for quality purposes, and Smith could share this one during the next round of golf.

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