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Waiting For Potatoes


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VALKYR: Well isn't this such a warm welcome back party...

 

OBERON: No need to be sarcastic, we just have to wait patiently for them to arrive.

 

VALKYR: Fine, but I still blame this new incompetent writer for not advertising us well enough, where's Nekros?
 
OBERON: Off farming for Neurodes again I presume, or at least that's what he tells me.
 
VALKYR: ...
 
OBERON: You have a question?
 
VALKYR: Why the #$% is our text colors all the same?!

OBERON: Must be the work of Lok-
 
LOKI: You called?
 

VALKYR: WHAT KIND OF JUVENILE STUNT HAVE YOU PULLED THIS TIME?!

Do you have any idea how long it took me to change into my casuals?

 

LOKI: Longer than it takes to craft Prime gear I guess.

 

VALKYR: Are you implying something?

 

OBERON: If it helps, I think you look absolutely stunning.

 

VALKYR: That's sweet of you Eron, but now's not the time. They could be here any moment! Now that this brat has sabotaged the transmission display components, how are the readers going to distinguish us from one another?!

 

LOKI: I'm pretty sure the readers are smart enough to read simple text.

 

OBERON: I think what she was trying to say was that it would be a bit easier for the readers if they can associate each of us with a specific color.

 

LOKI: Sure thing new guy. Anyways, I should get going, gotta go increase the difficulty in the Training Room again.

 

OBERON: THAT WAS YOU?!

 

LOKI: Ta-ta~

 

VALKYR: Lotus so help me if that little sh#t doesn't stop messing around.

 

OBERON: *sigh* What about Zephyr? Wasn't she with you a moment ago?

 

VALKYR: She didn't feel well, told us to go on ahead.

 

 
*clears throat* You guys finished?
 
 
VALKYR: Finally.
 
OBERON: Indee- *switch teleported*
 
LOKI: *switch teleports* Aye captain.
 
 

A long time ago, there were Tenno that lived seemingly ordinary, absolutely non-alcoholic, reference-packed lives like you and I. But their jobs were nothing of that sort; they were space-merc-ninjas. With the ability to parkour on almost any surface, had only 4 superpowers, no fatigue whatsoever, knowledge of utilizing any given weapon they lay their hands on and the ability to solve 3rd grade puzzles within 18 seconds.

 
But even with all that, they still had limits, limits to the amount of modifications that strengthened their Warframes and weapons. They needed...potatoes. Ancient starch-filled tuberous Orokin Technology that supercharged each individual asset. This is the record of their adventures, of them waiting for potatoes...and some other stuff as well.
Why you ask?
Because they spent all their starting platinum on useless Forest Camo weapon skins.
 

 

Hmm, I think that went pretty well. Let's review the holotape...

 

 

**BEGIN**
I was only 9 years old.

I loved Lotus so much.

I recorded all the conversations we had with each other.

 

 

What the f#$%?!

 

 

I pray to Lotus every night before going back to cryosleep, thanking her for the alerts I've been given.

Lotus is love, I say, Lotus is life.

My OP hears me, and calls me a tenno skoom.

I knew she was just jealous of my devo-

**DELETED**

 


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Back at the Tenno's home base, Valkyr is giving Oberon a tour of it's facilities to get him accustomed to life in the current time period, after narrowly saving him from a cryopod Defense mission The Lotus had assigned to her.
 

 

VALKYR: This is our personal quarters, you can pick whichever one you want, there aren't any members to fill them all up.

 

 

OBERON: I see, I'll select this one in that case.

 

 

VALKYR: Save me the formalities boy scout, this isn't a drill. If you need me, I'm residing in Section 44, Quarter 5, just down the hall and make a right.

 

 

OBERON: I'll make sure to note that down. I take it that this is the intercom?

 

 

VALKYR: Yes. You can find more of them connected throughout the base and in each personal quarter. Just enter the Section and Quarter code in the respective columns to buzz me and the other Tenno, simple as that. There are currently only 5 of us living here, including you, so not too many numbers to jot down. We clear?

 

 

OBERON: Understood. Who are the other Tenno by the way? It would be polite if I were to introduce myself to my teammates.

 

 

VALKYR: Find them yourself, I feel like sh#t right now and the last thing I need is more of your stupid questions.

 

 

OBERON: I'm...sorry for troubling you, have a good rest.

 

 

Valkyr stormed off to her quarter, struggling to change out of her Warframe to have quick bath, when...

 

 

ZEPHYR: That was a little harsh don'tcha think?

 

 

VALKYR: I would prefer if next time you knocked, like a normal person would. You gave a fright there.

 

 

ZEPHYR: Aww, but that wouldn't be any fun! Besides, I know that's not true hon', you never let yourself get scared.

 

 

VALKYR: ...

 

 

ZEPHYR: Well? Don't just stand there! Get in the tub, we're having a girl-chat.

 

 

VALKYR: Zeph I really don't have the time for this, my entire upper-body is aching from all the Hyster-

 

 

ZEPHYR: Nonsense! There's always  time for a good heart-to-heart chat, regardless of how tired you are. I know just the peeerfect massage to make you feel better.

 

VALKYR: But I rea-

 

 

ZEPHYR: I'll bake your favorite Lemon Blueberry cheesecake if you say yes~

 

 

VALKYR: ...Fine. I take the left side, and we're using MY shampoo this time, not that weird herbal mix of yours.

 

 

ZEPHYR: Sweet. Now could you strip a little faster and get in the tub already? It's freezing in here.

 

 

VALKYR: 'Frames like this aren't exactly easy to slip on and off okay? It's skin-tight!

 

 

ZEPHYR: Fine fine, I'll help you get the chassis off, speaking of which, I was looking through your wardrobe while you were tongue-lashing our newest member, he was such a dear about it too.

 

 

VALKYR: YOU WERE LOOKING THROUGH MY STUFF AGAIN? I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT'S OFF LIMI-

 

 

ZEPHYR: That's some pretty audacious lingerie you have there. Who're you gonna show it to? Nekros? Although I really doubt he's someone of your taste, what with the whole 'Infested' get-up. I like the one with the strings-only the most, mind if I keep that one?

 

 

VALKYR: I-I can explain! They were just inside some salvage I found on the abandoned settlements on Earth while I was exploring, I swear! It's not because I thought  they were c-cute or anything I just wanted to keep them as antiqu-

 

 

ZEPHYR: It's alright hon', I won't tell a soul. That is...if you are willing to give up one of those undergarments you so desperately tried to keep me from finding.

 

 

VALKYR: Okay! Just...not the pink ones...

 


ZEPHYR: Sure thing. Now let's get the rest of that 'Frame off of you.

 

 

VALKYR: I almost forgot, where's Loki and Nekros? I thought they were with you in the Void Defense?

 

 

ZEPHYR: I left after the 65th wave, needed the Forma to put on my baby Soma. Anyways, they told me to go on ahead, said that they had some other things to take care of once they were done.

 

 

VALKYR: Did they mention where?

 

 

ZEPHYR: I'm not the type to pry hon', men need their own privy time too, just like us now.

 

 

VALKYR: But you are the type to break into your best friend's room and start snooping.

 

 

ZEPHYR: Blame your bed for smelling like herbal citrus. I could sleep there for HOURS.

 

 

VALKYR: You've been...sleeping in my room?! Without my permission?!

 

 

ZEPHYR: At least I make the bed afterwards.

 

 

VALKYR: Well...as long as you stop looking through my stuff...I guess it's alrig-

 

 

ZEPHYR: No need, already finished doing my full sweep about an hour ago. I'm surprised you're into fantasy-romance novels. 

 

 

VALKYR: W-WHA-

 

 

ZEPHYR:  Hiding them under your mattress is waaay too predictable hon'. Oh yeah, here. I borrowed them for a quick read the other night, real raunchy stuff in my opinion. 

 

 

VALKYR: GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

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lol great job so far but your writing style isn't really... normal speech? It's too formal sometimes. I mean who the heck uses 'whilst' in normal everyday conversation XD You've made me all nostalgic with this so keep up the good work! 

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lol great job so far but your writing style isn't really... normal speech? It's too formal sometimes. I mean who the heck uses 'whilst' in normal everyday conversation XD You've made me all nostalgic with this so keep up the good work! 

 

ZEPHYR: All in good time hon'.

 

I don't recall giving you the ability to break through the fourth-wall.

 

ZEPHYR: Perhaps you don't recall that I AM an air-based Warframe? I can simply fly over this 'wall' of yours.

 

That doesn't necessarily mean that you can do it as you like, we have limits.

 

ZEPHYR: Who gave you the right to be my Dad?

 

May I remind you who was the one that decided to give you and your comrades a chance to be heard when not in combat?

 

ZEPHYR: We never asked for it @#&$%, as far as I'm concerned you're just a REALLY NICE SUPER AWESOME PERSON.

 

That's better.

 

ZEPHYR: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST MAKE ME SAY?!

 

Admin powers dear, ever played a match of Rust? We always abuse them.

 

ZEPHYR: You're a damned hypocrite!

 

I am the law. And whatever rule I put into place only applies for Tenno.

 

ZEPHYR: If I knew where you lived, I would cast a Corrosive-proc'ed Tornado right up your @#$%!!!

 

I'm a generous god, you're lucky that you will still appear in the next chapter despite your insolence towards me.

 

ZEPHYR: Lucky? More like a curse...

 

SILENCE! This has gone far enough. Your actions may just rupture the very boundary between fiction and reality, and I cannot allow that.

 

ZEPHYR: Ooooh scary. What're you going to do? Mute me? You don't have the guts to do that, and you know that. Don't you?

 

You're right, I can't risk removing a valuable asset to my plans.

 

ZEPHYR: I knew it, you spineless p#ssy.

 

And that is exactly why, I must erase your memory. This conversation never happened, you will never know why.

 

ZEPHYR: Urghh...my head...

 

VALKYR: Zeph? What are you doing out here? We're supposed to be getting ready for our premiere!

 

ZEPHYR: I...I don't know...Val I don't feel so good...just go on without me...

 

VALKYR: Are you sure? I'll go hail a cab then. You get home straight away, understand?

 

ZEPHYR: Thanks sweetheart...watch your temper when you're over there.

 

VALKYR: If it's my temper you're worried about, then you'd better get back right now.

 

ZEPHYR: See you in a few.

 

Excellent...

 

ZEPHYR: Did you hear something?

 

VALKYR: I don't think so, must be the wind.

 

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN SPACE LIMBO...

 

RHINO: YO, WHEN WE GON' GET OUTTA DIS FLOATY CHAMBER? THE RHINO IS THIRSTY.

 

FROST: Probably never.

 

MAG: Could be worse.

 

ASH: How so?

 

MAG: Loki could've been here.

 

SARYN: Good point.

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At Nekros' secret hideout, the loner duo are planning something.

 

 

NEKROS: You're late.

 

LOKI: Spare me the lecture, what did you find?

 

NEKROS: My dead claim they are entangled in the boundary death and reality, suspended, in a place in which I am not familiar with.

 

LOKI: I thought you were a master at this necromancy thing.

 

NEKROS: Please, my form of egremauncye involves pulling the spirit out of the corpse and manifesting it into the exact replica made of my energy, much more complex.

 

LOKI: Well excuse me for not noticing Professor.

 

NEKROS: I would appreciate it if you gave me more respect for my line of work. The re-animation of dead bodies using your intrinsic energy isn't an easy skill to learn.

 

LOKI: +rep for 1337 skills

 

NEKROS: *sigh*

 

LOKI: Now back to the topic, are you able to locate their current position?

 

NEKROS: With time. I'm dabbling into an unexplored region of quantum physics here, my dead can only accomplish so much in a short matter of time.

 

LOKI: Anything I can do to speed up the progress?

 

NEKROS: Leaving me to immerse in solitude would be most beneficial, conversations are tiring.

 

LOKI: Sure thing Mr Introvert.

 

NEKROS: Why am I even acquainted with you?

 

LOKI: Because I'm just that awesome.

 

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After the girls had finished sharing a meal together in the cafeteria, things decide to take an...unexpected turn?

 

"Mm, that was great. You never told me you were that great at making lasagnes."

"You didn't ask, want a drink?"

"A glass of juice right now sounds perfect."
"Apple or Peach?"
"Peach."

"Here ya go hon'."

"Thanks, you sure you don't need a drink?"
"Watching you is more than enough for me."
"Again with that kind of talk, I question your sexuality sometimes you know?"
"What's there to question? I like girls more than guys, but that doesn't mean I disregard the other gender completely."

"So...you're bi?"
"Well, the boot fits."

"I...see..."

"Does it surprise you?"
"That's not what I meant, it's just...you...l-like me?"

"I don't think 'like' is enough to justify that."

"I...don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything dear, just close your eyes."
"Z-Zeph? W-what're you doi-mmmf."

"Mmn, just this once, I promise."

"..."

"Val?"
"Not...not here..."

 

 

One night to day transition later...

 

 

VALKYR: Ohmigodohmigodno.

 

ZEPHYR: Morning sweetie.

 

VALKYR: I-I just...I just...with a girl...b-best friend...

 

ZEPHYR: I hope this doesn't change anything between us.

 

VALKYR: H-how could it not?! I...I-

 

ZEPHYR: Just think of it as...harmless skinship between friends.

 

VALKYR: Right...h-harmless skinship...

 

ZEPHYR: If it makes you feel better, you can always just take it out on me. I did urge you.

 

VALKYR: It's not that...I just...it just...all seems so surreal right now.

 

ZEPHYR: You'll get over it sooner or later.

 

VALKYR: I don't know if...I ever could.

 

ZEPHYR: You can, you're strong that way. And whatever happens , I'll be right beside you.

 

VALKYR: Urgh.

 

ZEPHYR: What's wrong?

 

VALKYR: It's so...corny.

 

ZEPHYR: See? You're getting better already.

 

VALKYR: I hope so...

 

ZEPHYR: I'll go make breakfast, you should probably wash up and get ready.

 

VALKYR: D-do you...think the others heard it?

 

ZEPHYR: I doubt it, these walls are soundproof dear. You could fire a grenade from a Penta into one of these rooms and not even feel the ground shake.

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ZEPHYR: https://forums.warframe.com/index.php?/topic/102730-out-of-frame-the-everyday-lives-of-the-tenno/

 

ZEPHYR: Better make yourself comfortable, it's gonna be a long read.

 

ZEPHYR: Here's some low-fat milk and grilled parmigiano regianno cheese sandwiches, buzz me if you need more 'kay?

 

VALKYR: What're you doing?

 

ZEPHYR: Being cap'n to his query.

 

VALKYR: That's awfully nice of you, especially to a stranger.

 

ZEPHYR: Anything for a fan.

 

VALKYR: Oh really?

 

ZEPHYR: Are you...jealous sweetie?

 

VALKYR: N-no! How ludicrous!

 

LOKI: She's jelly.

 

VALKYR: STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS.

 

ZEPHYR: Forgive me hon', I swear I can make it up to you.

 

VALKYR: How could you possibly make me forgi-

 

ZEPHYR: I'll make your favorite cheesecake again.

 

VALKYR: You're not going to bribe me with some silly cak-

 

ZEPHYR: Extra lemon zest.

 

VALKYR: Well...maybe just this one more time.

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The day before, Oberon and Zephyr had just finished sparring in a friendly match of Conclave.

 

 

ZEPHYR: You're pretty good with the Magistar, for a new guy.

 

OBERON: As with you and the Orthos Prime, I don't become Tenno just by brandishing a Warframe into battle.

 

ZEPHYR: Said like a true knight. Also, you can drop the formality when you're with me hon', wouldn't want Val to think I'm bullying her sweetheart.

 

OBERON: I assure you we are nothing of the sort. Besides, I don't think she would want to see me as of now.

 

ZEPHYR: I heard about it. Don't worry dear, she used to be like this to me too.

 

OBERON: How did you make her befriend you?

 

ZEPHYR: It's a long story, but let's just say that I have my methods.

 

OBERON: That sounds rather suspicious.

 

ZEPHYR: Don't worry about it, no one got hurt...much.

 

OBERON: I'll be sure to make a mental note of that.

 

ZEPHYR: Now that's a good Obi, I'm starting to like you already.

 

OBERON: I'd prefer it if you didn't refer to me in that sort of manner.

 

ZEPHYR: You're right, I already have a pet name for Val, it would make her jealous if I were to give you one too.

 

OBERON: I'm surprised she hasn't killed you in anger yet.

 

ZEPHYR: She's too much of a dear to do that to her B.F.F.L.

 

OBERON: I beg your pardon?

 

ZEPHYR: Best friend for life. Oh and I have the peeeerfect nick for you, 'Eron', what'cha think?

 

OBERON: It's less degrading than the previous one, I like it.

 

ZEPHYR: You're welcome. I'll talk to Val about the whole hostility thing later during dinner, so no need to worry about it.

 

OBERON: You have my utmost gratitude for that.

 

ZEPHYR: I'm the glue that binds and feeds everyone in base, it's my job.

 

OBERON: We're not issued rations?

 

ZEPHYR: Of course not, I'm the chef around here. Speaking of which, care to join us later?

 

OBERON: I would love to, but I'm in need of resources and credits, so I'll be out for the night.

 

ZEPHYR: Suit yourself, thirsty?

 

OBERON: I don't suppose you have Baileys lying around anywhere do you?

 

ZEPHYR: I didn't know you were an alcoholic, but yeah we do, I'll go grab a bottle.

 

OBERON: Just a glass is fine.

 

ZEPHYR: Quite the conservator aren't you?

 

OBERON: It helps ease the muscles after I finish exercising in my opinion, plus the taste is rather refreshing.

 

ZEPHYR: So now you're a dietitian and a food critique, how exotic.

 

OBERON: It was a slip of the tongue mind you, I should probably get going.

 

ZEPHYR: True, now shoo. The Lotus doesn't like being made to wait.

 

OBERON: Indeed, thank you for your time. And the drink of course.

 

ZEPHYR: You're thanking the wrong person for the second one. I merely cook the food, Loki brings in the ingredients whenever he returns.

 

OBERON: He sounds like a good fellow, I should meet him sometime.

 

ZEPHYR: You're going to have to wait for a while. He usually comes back once a week with the haul, and his last visit was 2 days before you arrived.

 

OBERON: I see, then wait I shall.

 

ZEPHYR: Don't we all?

 

 

PRESENT DAY.

 

 

VALKYR: What's with the get-up? Going somewhere?

 

ZEPHYR: I'm off to find work elsewhere dear.

 

VALKYR: An alternative to killing I'm guessing.

 

ZEPHYR: You know I can't do it hon', it pains my heart. Unless it doesn't breathe or bleed, then I hack and slash away.

 

VALKYR: Well I'm happy for you, but where will you find a job? Being Tenno complicates these kinds of things.

 

ZEPHYR: I'll find a way, hopefully.

 

VALKYR: How long are you going to be out?

 

ZEPHYR: A few hours tops.Make sure you watch the place while I'm away alright?

 

VALKYR: I can handle myself Zeph, I'm not a child.

 

ZEPHYR: That's my girl.

 

VALKYR: Okay okay, get out of here already you lazy bird.

 

ZEPHYR: Just wanted to look at you a little bit longer, if I don't get to see it again.

 

VALKYR: You know I don't like it when you talk about stuff like that.

 

ZEPHYR: I kid, see you soon! Oh, talk to Eron will ya? He's a real sweetheart once you get to know him.

 

VALKYR: 'Eron'? Since when did you two get so close to each other?

 

ZEPHYR: We sparred a bit, talked afterwards, simple stuff. Got a couple of scratches but nothing major.

 

VALKYR: I guess it is kind of my fault for lashing out on him.

 

ZEPHYR: You don't say hon'.

 

VALKYR: Shouldn't you get going already?

 

ZEPHYR: Relax, just getting my things ready.

 

VALKYR: Watch yourself out there.

 

ZEPHYR: Ditto.

 

 

 

 

SOMEWHERE IN SPACE LIMBO (again)...

 

 

 

EMBER: You've got to be sh*tting me.

 

ASH: What's wrong?

 

EMBER: Even the new girls got to have an erotic scene! Life is unfair.

 

ASH: You're seriously still worked up over that? That doesn't even COUNT as an erotic scene. And besides, I can't just float over there, take off my helmet and start eating you out.

 

EMBER: At least try to do SOMETHING. My batteries can't last forever.

 

ASH: Pfft, like you could use it out here without suffocating to death.

 

EMBER: *removes helmet*

 

ASH: WOAH WOAH OKAY YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT. SERIOUSLY, PUT IT BACK ON.

 

EMBER: *inhales deeply* Oh dear, I'm gonna die, too bad there's no one here that's capable of saving me.

 

ASH: What the hell? We can breathe here without our helmets?! Why didn't you tell me before?!

 

EMBER: Right, and I suppose next time I'll have to hold your hand and guide you to the restroom. While we're at it, why not I help you eat too? I'll go get a bib.

 

ASH: Urgh, here we go again...

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