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A Ballad For The Release Of Update 13


Archwizard
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I had a sudden stroke of inspiration to write a glorious song about today’s Update when I woke up yesterday morning.

I immediately lost it when I got to my computer, so instead you get whatever this is. It was written over the course of about 16 hours of me sadistically grinning at the sheer panic I imagine occurs in the DE offices on an Update day. I’d make a comment about them pulling out their hair, but…

Well, Geoff’s is always immaculate.

 

Perhaps as a consolation prize for my failure, we might hear a rendition of this in Megan’s angelic voice on some unlikely future Prime Time? (Anna’s a redhead, Megan’s a redhead, clearly it’s a conspiracy leading up to this anyway.)

Plus, this happened, so it’s not like Reb is allowed out of a potential duet.

 

And now, Whatever This Is, to the tune of Frozen’s “For the First Time in Forever”:

 

Players

My forma is ready, ‘tatos too

A foundry full of gold and blue

Who knew I had eight MILLION Nano Spores?

For a year I’ve played as a ninja

Why fight without katanas?

Finally they’re starting up Clan Wars!

There’ll be aggressive, bat-faced llamas

It’ll be totally strange

But wow, am I so ready for this change!

 

‘Cuz for the first time in forever,

Zoren’ll be more than just for flight!

For the fight time in forever

I won’t be sleeping through the night…

Don’t know Hydroid’s “water” or “pirate”

But he’s somewhere in that zone!

And for the first time in forever…

I’ll wield the Sword Alone!

 

(spoken) Like I said, unless I’m using Zorens. Or Glaive. Or Hate, Bo, Nami Skyla…

Oh, hey, where can I find Vay Hek?

 

Tonight, imagine me blades and all

Gracefully running ‘cross the walls

The picture of a PSYCHOPATH FROM SPACE!

I suddenly see him standing there

A grotesque android, loud and scared

I really wanna shoot him in the face!

And then we loot and kill all evening

Which is totally… mundane

At least I won’t research ‘Frame parts for days!

 

For the first time in forever

There’ll be magic, there’ll be fun!

For the first time in forever

My kills won’t always be from guns!

And I know it’s totally crazy

To dream of Davy Jones

But for the first time in forever

My reward screen’s not a joke!

 

Devs

Don’t push it out, don’t let them see

Valkyr’s not done, the rest’ll have to be

Debug, don’t slug, pick up the pace…

If it’s not perfect, everyone will rage!

But today is the last day

Today is the last day

It’s agony to wait

It’s agony to wait!

Tell Red Text, “Start hyping up… the base!”

The base!

 

For the first time in forever

Don’t push it out, don’t let them see

I’m getting what I’ve wanted so

Valkyr’s not done, the rest’ll have to be

The long-awaited Water frame

Debug

A patch for Melee Two-Point-O!

Debug, don’t slug, don’t make it late!

 

The hype train crashes tomorrow

So it has to be today!

‘Cuz for the first time in forever…

For the first time in forever…

Today is update day!

 

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