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Allies Of The Tenno (Putting This On Hold For Now) [Update 10/17]

HappyApathy

By HappyApathy,
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AlphaHorseman

AlphaHorseman

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Lyza

 

“You know, that kid must’ve been real nice back before she lost her home. We all were better off before all this happened.”

 

-Zhon

 

 

Lyza was a girl who grew up in Corpus society, and though she wasn’t an underprivileged girl, when her parents sent her brother off to be indoctrinated, and then he came back “better”, she didn’t agree.

 

Her and her brother Varan grew up thick as thieves, mischievous, naughty, and not quite like the high and mighty brats people expected them to be. Lyza and Varan spent most of their time outside playing, getting down and dirty with the children of the “less profitable” families. She was scolded for being too vocal on her ideals, too rough with her peers, and too forward with her policies on how to improve Corpus life. The discipline that her tutors tried to instill within her only served to fuel her animosity and call to improve how “the system” worked. Her brother Varan held the same beliefs, and was punished in the same manners as she.

 

Through their times playing with the other children, Varan and Lyza overheard the parents speaking about unrest in certain parts of Corpus space. Though at first thought to be the work of the Grineer, word was spreading of a group of Corpus who went rogue and were now vandalizing Corpus properties.

 

Though their parents did scold them on their behavior, they applauded their vigor, though they would hope to curb that perseverance to serve current standing Corpus policies. Lyza was no slacker in school, and did her work well, though her methods to solve her issues were “unorthodox” by Corpus standards, as she valued the resources and peoples involved more so than the profitability of a project. Her grades were penalized due to the “loss of produce” her methods would entail, even if they would save lives. Varan proved to be the more skilled in books, as his methods were just as humane as Lyzas’, but were seen as more “profitable” by their tutors.

 

Lyza and Varan argued that the true profitability of Corpus life were the people themselves, the Corpus civilians and their families. Her beliefs were not well looked upon by Corpus Board members, and her father as well, as he had hoped to become one of the Board himself. As a well-off family in Corpus Society, her father Vorin was just under the Board in terms of official status and wealth. Hoping to join their ranks, Vorin tried to groom his children into prodigies and prime compatriots of Corpus society.

 

There were reports coming in about vandals attacking Corpus compounds that found their way to Vorin’s desk. Varan and Lyza often snuck into their fathers study, and upon finding the reports, read of what the vigilantes were doing. The reports often detailed nothing more than a group of younger adults blotching out Corpus banners and putting in graffiti, “Death as a person, before life as a number”. One extreme case they found detailed some of the vigilantes attacking Corpus Crewmen on their return from an asteroid. The vigilantes accused the Crewmen of abandoning innocent families to the Infestation and assaulted the crewmen. Though no Crewmen died, the vigilantes were able to make off with some of their weapons and equipment. It was later found out that the vigilantes were supplying ‘rebel groups’ as the documents stated with ‘weapons for anarchy.’ The vigilantes were found and executed due to their actions. Lyza and Varan rarely went into their father’s office after that, and worried about their school and the coming of Varans indoctrination into the Corps more than anything else.

 

To help prep Varan for his induction to the Corpus Military Corps, their father recruited some of the best marksmen and military strategists in the Corpus Military Branch. Varan refused to be taught without Lyza, and through much arguments with their parents, Varan and Lyza were allowed to train together while Varan was still outside the Corps. In handiness with a gun, Lyza proved more adept than her brother, as she was able to hit targets throughout the obstacle courses provided to them by Krohn, one of their instructors. Besting Varan with shooting almost all the available Corpus weaponry, Lyza even specialized in the Supra LMG, being both accurate and quick with the gun, though it proved hard to control even in the best Tech hands.

 

Krohn applauded Varan for his efforts, and though he was detrimental to Lyza before other tutors and her parents, was supportive of her efforts when outside their view. Krohn believed that, with the Grineer becoming more reckless in the System, every Corpus hand would have to be called upon to protect their way of life, man or woman. Of course, Varan and Lyzas mother, Loira (gosh I can’t think of a name, haha), was very displeased that her daughter saw fit to take up arms and upstage her brother. She called it “fraudulent” for a woman to do so, “you’re a woman, Lyza, not a miscreant like those Vandals in the news”. Lyza argued that whatever Varan could do, she could, Varan supported his sisters side of the argument, much to the dismay of their mother.

 

Throughout their training together, Varan proved his abilities when presented with Tactical and Strategic decision-making, and in overall planning. His ability to see the overview of a conflict, evaluate the effectiveness of the troops he had at hand, and the troops set against him, along with the variables of the battlefield, was something very few were unimpressed with. Throughout the simulations and holographic conflicts presented to the siblings, Varan was able to overcome strategic dispositions and tactical disadvantages to win the day. Lyza, though not as good a tactician as her brother, was able to attain victory more often than she failed.

 

Finally, the day came that Varan was to be sent off to the Corpus Military Corps, and though the training was set to end with Varan’s departure, Krohn promised Lyza to continue her training. Krohn saw in Lyza a great student, and someone who could be a great asset to Corpus society. Lyza and Varan promised to keep in touch, no matter what.

 

And for a while, Lyza and Varan were able to communicate daily, on the happenings of Varan’s experiences to Lyza’s time during school. Varan’s spoke of the sometimes coldness of the policies in the temples, while Lyza gave Varan word on what was happening with the Vandal group and their escalating actions in Corpus space. Varans words centered on how he enjoyed the fellow boys he was getting to know, though their instructors were strict and adamant. Lyza spoke on how the Vandals were using guerilla tactics to attack certain Corpus compounds to steal supplies and weapons. Lyza also told Varan on how she continued to train with Krohn secretly away from her parents notice.

 

Yet, after a couple of months, Varans correspondences came less and less, and soon he rarely called. Lyza worried for her brother.

 

One day, Varan returned home without notice, and Lyza welcomed him with open arms. Varan looked strong, but his demeanor was cold, and Lyza noticed how he would not look her in the eye. Though their reunion was short lived, Varan was quick to embrace their mother and father. Venerating him on his return, Vorin prepped his family to head out to their private estate for a reunion worthy of his sons’ return.

 

Varan was silent during the packing and moving, no matter how hard Lyza tried to talk to him.

 

On their arrival to the estate, Vorin and Loira began to walk to the estate doors. Varan pulled out a gun and shot down their father. Lyza didn’t have time to react, but was quick enough to hit the gun away from Varan before he could turn on their mother. Varan and Lyza wrestled go get the gun while Loira stayed in shock. Varan spouted madness about their father “harboring Vandal scum and undermining the Board”, Lyza did her best to keep her brother under control. Loira was able to recover and go to her dying husband, Lyza screamed at her mother to grab the communicator from Vorin, and Loira recovered enough to do as she was asked.

 

Lyza told Loira to contact Krohn and tell him to come to the private estate, all while trying to wrestle her brother and keep him away from the gun. Eventually Varan knocked Lyza off and got hold of the gun. Just as he aimed his sights on Loira, his sister was able to knock Varan out with a blow to the back of the head. As Krohn arrived on the scene, he took the family away and asked Lyza to console her mother. Krohn took them to a remote base outside of regular Corpus areas, and there it was revealed that Krohn was an agent of the Vandals.

 

Lyza took this as a coupe by the Vandals to attack her family, but as her brother awoke and continued to spew madness, the Vandals were able to get him into intensive care for evaluation. After his distress was managed, the Vandals and Lyza found out that the Corpus Board had brainwashed Varan into attacking his family. Fhord Bek ingrained into Varan’s mind the importance of the Board, and why his father threatened the future of the Board, and therein the future of the Corpus. Throughout the entire ordeal, Loira did not recover from the shock of losing Vorin, nor the near insane state her son was now in, and remained catatonic.

 

Lyza vowed that she would not let this fade away into the Boards memory. They had taken her father from her, destroyed the mind of her mother, but most of all, taken away her brother and turned him into a psychopath. Lyza decided that day that Corpus society needed to change, just as she and her brother once envisioned, and for the memory of what her brother was, joined the ranks of the Vandals to change the System for the betterment of all.

 

 

And here are my comments:

 

 

Sorry, it’s really raw, I just drew it up as a first draft. Feel free to make comments on what I need to change and what I need to add/delete. This was all in one sitting, and the creative juices were somewhat flowing, but I wanna make sure it’s malleable and readable to any who read it. Oh, the beginning is really really raw, haha, I just threw that first paragraph in for me to build off of. Oh, and I think we gotta change Krohns name, haha, it’s a bit too close to Zhon. Or we could make it like Zhon in disguise or something, or not, might be too dramatic or cliché, but it’s up to you.

 

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HappyApathy

HappyApathy

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FEATURED ON PRIMETIME 41 (I THINK/HOPE)!

 

Concept of the Week! It's great to know that DE has looked at this thread and will hopefully consider some of the concepts here, thank you to everyone who has helped it get this far, lets keep at it and one day we may see it actually happen in game!

 

That said I have to be honest part of me does kinda feel cheated out of a good chance in the spotlight due to technical difficulties (pray there's a video for youtube), that said the greater victory is getting DE's attention rather then exposure to the community at large, so I'm pleased in a way, but I can't say I'm not disappointed.

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HappyApathy

HappyApathy

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THIS WOULD MOST LIKELY EXPLAIN THE LATRON WRAITH!

 

sry about the rant, but from what i understand, the Red Veil where a group of rouge Grineer/Corpus bent on the take down of the empire/cult Factions

 

and also.. by any chance is that a Vasto Wraith?

 

If your referring to ValhaHazred's picture I believe it's a Stug Wraith

 

Edit: No wait it's a Kraken

Edited by HappyApathy
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HappyApathy

HappyApathy

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Great! Missed it, hopefully I can see it later.

 

You didn't miss much, it was a bit of game play followed up by a whole lot of lost feed connections interjected with moments of Megan and Rebecca looking awkward with brief random snippets of conversation. I personally didn't watch the whole thing (however long it was) and stopped watching after the third time the feed cut out, don't think they actually ever got to the fan art or concept.

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HappyApathy

HappyApathy

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Still no video :/

 

Got past the 100 votes mark so that's good, but still the whole thing is turning what should have been a triumph into some nasty bitter-sweet.. tragedy, mess, turn of event, Pyrrhic victory, I'm really not sure how to describe it still.

 

Back to the concepts though.

 

@Alphahorseman

 

I've taken time to read through both Ren Huud (I think the thing you were thinking of was the Manic Grineer) and while I like the overall arc of it I think I'm going to have overhaul parts of it (I have to be honest some parts with the civilians make him sound incredibly naive about his own people). I actually like Lyza's story better and may just have to smooth out some parts of it that I think need to be (I also suggested giving her a last name, is there one you can think of?). I'll let you look over them both when I'm done.

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HappyApathy

HappyApathy

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Why pyrrhic victory, aside from OP being unreadable?

 

EDIT: Nvm shouldn't have said that (put up some pretty nasty language a moment ago), but seriously I'm not in a good mood here right now, but please comeback and tell me how you feel when the feed cuts out on something you put so much work and effort into.

 

Tired and frustrated right now, tried to be more positive about it earlier but it's getting worse the more I think about what happened.

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AlphaHorseman

AlphaHorseman

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Still no video :/

 

Got past the 100 votes mark so that's good, but still the whole thing is turning what should have been a triumph into some nasty bitter-sweet.. tragedy, mess, turn of event, Pyrrhic victory, I'm really not sure how to describe it still.

 

Back to the concepts though.

 

@Alphahorseman

 

I've taken time to read through both Ren Huud (I think the thing you were thinking of was the Manic Grineer) and while I like the overall arc of it I think I'm going to have overhaul parts of it (I have to be honest some parts with the civilians make him sound incredibly naive about his own people). I actually like Lyza's story better and may just have to smooth out some parts of it that I think need to be (I also suggested giving her a last name, is there one you can think of?). I'll let you look over them both when I'm done.

Overhaul as you wish! Haha, the improvements are much wanted! And yep yep, I was thinking of the Manic grineer, gosh I can't believe I kept getting the name wrong, thanks for correcting me! I'll be happy to see them once you're done making them better!

 

For her last name since we're apparently stuck with single syllabic names for last names, Hek, Bek, or even one letter with V, I was thinking either Tal, Zul, Tul, and Khey (Khey was my favourite, but it's entirely up to you, this OP has to flow nicely, and if the name changes have to go in, then the name changes gotta go in!).

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