How Do I Friendship?

[[DE]Momaw]

Angsty nonsense ahead.

 

Basically, I'm a weird lonely person. Even in my youth I was a weird lonely person and pretty much never learned how to function as a normal social animal. This leaves me rather starved for contact but lacking the experience to make and maintain relationships with people, and little skill in reading the signals that people send me.  When I rarely seem to make a connection with somebody I am eager to preserve and develop it. But I know of my limitations and inexperience so I am constantly paranoid that I am either pushing too hard for the level of familiarity they are willing to allow, or that other people's lack of desperate reciprocity is actually a rejection or a disconnection. So I am prone to asking people if I have done something wrong by them to feed my paranoia, which is in itself stressful and counter productive of friendships. That and I am prone to worrying that if people don't respond back to me as often as I reach to them, it's because I'm being a nuisance and that I should just leave them alone. There are plenty of rational, innocent alternatives to explain why a disproportionate effort is being spent on contact, but my imagination is amazingly powerful and persuasive.

 

Basically, the title: how do I friendship?  I want to know people and want people to like me, but I just seem to keep screwing it up.  I try to resign myself to solitude but then I get dangerously depressed. Maybe I'm just too intense and expect too much in a world where the majority are satisfied with acquaintance. :-/

[BrotherIcarus]

Be yourself, if they cant like you for that then they probably wont be good friends. 

[Utarious]

I would help.

 

But this is the story of my life. :L

[MagPrime]

 

I spent a decade doing the same thing, Momaw.  For some reason, living alone for 6 months helped me out a lot but, it was painful.  I was stuck inside my own head and just turning everything over and examining it and running with little scenarios trying to understand why I couldn't connect in the simplest way.  Depression and crying was involved, also a little whiskey. (I do not recommend using alcohol.)  

 

What it boiled down to, for me, was just taking a deep breath and being honest with myself.  I acknowledged I had issues and stopped trying to hide them, talked it out with my family a little, and talked the rest of it out with my cat.  Felines are great listeners, as long as you don't mind talking to their tail or potentially an empty room.

 

EDIT: I decided to be a bit of a creeper and checked some of your posts.  Dude, you're smart.  Talk to people about things you know and don't worry too much about it.  They'll rise to the conversation or skulk away.  

 

Edited July 31, 2014 by Noamuth

[LadyScootaloo]

All my advice is pretty harsh.

What do you call a friend though?

I've got this horrible jackass who I call a friend, he's rude and hates the things I'm into with so much disgust that he just doesn't bother with it.

I've also got this lovely girl who I've been with for years, I call my friend, too. She's kind and a bit naive.

I've got a bunch of people who never talk to me who I call my friends.

I've also got a bunch of people who talk to me(sort of) that I also call friends.

I expect most people have these conditions. What are you after?

I only care about my second scenario and I only talk within the first two and last.

 

 

edit : What friends do you want? What do you want to be to them and them to you?

 

p.s. The image is just to spite people to preaching hate so I can retaliate and make them look like idiots. I'm a jerk, but, hey, I'm -not- the one starting it over something pointless to myself.

Edited July 31, 2014 by LadyScootaloo

[TheErebus.]

Friends. A word I have a lot of history with.

Last year, my closest friend of 12 years left the country I live in. 

To this day were are still friends. 

Why? Because games and the fact that we click together flawlessly.

 

So how do you friendship?

Be yourself. Someday you will find someone who just like you. 

 

ADDENDUM: Though I don't know if I can apply it others, but in warframe I have found some of the best and funniest people ever. These are the ones I can call my friends. 

Edited July 31, 2014 by TheErebus

[TheBurritoSlayingTaco]

Be yourself, if they cant like you for that then they probably wont be good friends. 

I tried that once. I think my friendships with people went downhill.

 

My laptop and other Warframe players are my only friends.

 

(i only have about 5 friends in real life. :D)

[Lluid]

I am constantly paranoid that I am either pushing too hard for the level of familiarity they are willing to allow, or that other people's lack of desperate reciprocity is actually a rejection or a disconnection

As others said, be yourself. Don't call this being "pushing too hard", it's just how you are. If you feel a "disconnection", it's just the result of two people that don't fit well together, it's not your fault. It's not a failure. You'll eventually meet people that will understand or even like the way you are. In a way, it's a matter of RNG, which can be frustrating... because devs will never fix it. But in average it's fair, meaning that you should multiply the number of potential friends to get a few.

[kubbi]

I tried that once. I think my friendships with people went downhill.

 

My laptop and other Warframe players are my only friends.

 

(i only have about 5 friends in real life. :D)

 

Then they weren't actual friends. If you want friends just for the sake of having friends not being yourself might help sure. But having a few friends with who you can be yourself with will make you a lot happier.

 

(I have one real friend irl. More then enough for me)

[Freelancer27]

I rather be just some crazy dude picking off people one by one...

 

For strangling. :3

Actually, I am.

But then, word of advice:

Be yourself. Go outside. Be weird as you are just like everyone else. :3

[Somedude1000]

Why have friends when you can live alone and get criticised by everyone on warframe forums?

 

Any and all friends you have can and will eventually betray both you and your trust, because they do not owe you anything. It is human nature to exploit a situation to his / her advantage. Anytime I've been 'myself' before, I've only ever ended up with people walking all over me and laughing at me, personally, and expecting other people to understand you for your ownor mutual  benefit is futile.

 

Just be nice to people to create an illusion of caring for them, and maybe help them around sometimes, the facade is nice to keep up, and you risk no betrayals. There is no such thing as people caring for each other, all trust and 'friendship' goes to hell when you are in trouble, or go broke, or they simply find something or someone better to do. 

 

Before I'm pointed out as a cynic, having friends is alright, jsut be careful who you pick. I'm just some bitter dude and personally feel that having friends and relationships simply pull you into pits of responsibility that prevent you from spending enough time to achieve your personal goals. Maybe you guys have different experiences, but I'll just sit in my room in the dark until i find out what i actually am.

[TheBurritoSlayingTaco]

Then they weren't actual friends. If you want friends just for the sake of having friends not being yourself might help sure. But having a few friends with who you can be yourself with will make you a lot happier.

 

(I have one real friend irl. More then enough for me)

Then does that mean I have no real friends? 

 

 

None?

[kubbi]

Then does that mean I have no real friends? 

 

 

None?

 

If they don't like you for who you are then no. If they do then yes.

[YourLocustBuddy]

I have similar problems. If I say something to someone and they don't immediately respond I feel like I've done something to offend them and proceed to feel the need to apologize or make attempts to sever contact so I don't have to worry about causing problems. I've spent some eight months or so pretty much avoiding the entirety of humanity simply because at some point I began to worry that people were creeped out by me because I have a habit of standing around saying and doing nothing for prolonged periods of time in order to not embarrass myself. So in order to avoid creeping anyone out or doing anything that might cause problems I pretty much severed contact entirely except with a very small handful of people, and even among them I don't say much to avoid alienating them.

 

I'm probably not the best person to go to for advice on how to have or maintain a friendship, but I guess I've done one thing or another right since I have somehow managed to keep that small handful of friends/acquaintances. I guess the best way to go about it is to just do what you want to do, or whatever comes naturally and try to ignore the paranoia. 

 

I don't know. We can be friends, if you want. I would like to talk. I don't know a whole lot of people who might understand the social awkwardness/paranoia. Maybe that's how to make a friend. I don't know really, I've never made any friends on the forums, or Warframe for that matter. At least not any that I talk to outside of farming things and whatnot. I guess I'd like to try being friends, if that doesn't come off as weird.

[Somedude1000]

-snip-

 

Sometimes I even send a bunch of pm's to people on forums if I think I upset them. Once even to a moderator who I had a misunderstanding with. When they respond, I see how good it is to not have any actual friends.

[YourLocustBuddy]

Sometimes I even send a bunch of pm's to people on forums if I think I upset them. Once even to a moderator who I had a misunderstanding with. When they respond, I see how good it is to not have any actual friends.

I had that once on another forum. A mod was joking about my name, I thought I had offended him, it took me a while to realize that he was just making a joke about it. Sometimes though I still feel like maybe he was just saying it was originally a joke so I'd stop apologizing.

[Somedude1000]

I had that once on another forum. A mod was joking about my name, I thought I had offended him, it took me a while to realize that he was just making a joke about it. Sometimes though I still feel like maybe he was just saying it was originally a joke so I'd stop apologizing.

 

Almost identical to my situation, only the mod I was talking to never responded. I think hes still upset.

[Lluid]

Some of us have the feeling of 'not being normal', and that it implies that relationships with people are impossible. On the contrary, relationships can be even stronger and deeper when you meet somebody that actually understands you. Which is not frequent, I know.

But in a few words you suddenly notice that you can talk to this person and 'feel like being yourself'. You don't have to hide behind a 'mask of normality'. It's a relief.

To me, friendship's essence lies in these few moments. The subsequent possible 'betrayals' should not be taken too seriously, people change you know. What you felt in these few moments prevails.

 

Guys, go kill a few Grineer together, then sit on a destroyed Kubrow den, look at the textures around you and just talk about anything. Don't expect the other guy to come back the day after. Just share your common social experiences and enjoy it if it feels good.