Vay Hek Goes To The Grocery Store

[The_Traitor_Executioner]

(Posted in GD because nothing in the fan-art sections is ever read, please don't hit me)

 

 

The lone Corpus clerk behind the counter of the small Grocery Store sighed as the sliding glass doors were blown off of their hinges for the second time that week.   "That was just refitted," he complained.  "Doesn't anyone knock anymore?"  The grocery store was built on a small asteroid in the Gradivus region.  A few cases of explosive intrusion were nothing new to the clerk.

 

The sound of boots on metal came from the smoke left over from the breach charge's explosion as the bulky forms of Grineer marines marched into the store, the pale blue lights playing over their dull green armor as a cheery corporate jingle played from one of the terminals scattered about the store.  "The doors were automatic.  They weren't even LOCKED," the clerk complained, gesturing towards the scanner above the door.  

 

None of the marines paid him any attention.  As soon as they had ascertained that the store was empty, they simply stood at attention as the noise of motors faded in from beyond the doorway.  A moment later, a lurching, mechanical monstrosity of nightmarish proportions lurched forth, hovering through the air and howling in a shrill, undulating voice only barely decipherable, even to the clerk's translation implants.  "YOU," the apparition howled, indicating the clerk with one metallic pincer.  "SURRENDER ALL OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE ON  THE LOCATION OF... THE DAIRY SECTION."  At this point, the creature was barely an inch away from the Clerk's visor.  

 

After a moment of pregnant silence, the clerk raised one finger and pointed.  "Aisle five."  

 

In the background, one of the marines turned and smashed in the screen of the jingling terminal with the butt of his rifle.  "No, could you not do that?  I have to pay for any damage caused on my -"  The clerk fell silent again as the marine stared at him.   

 

The hovering cyborg, paying absolutely no attention to these events, turned, hovering away in the direction the clerk had indicated.  After several minutes of silence, an outraged cry of "WHAT!?" erupted from aisle five, accompanied by the sound of breaking glass.

 

The clerk sighed, watching the credits draining from his balance.

 

With a hissing sound of rage, the lurching councilor flew up to the desk, thrusting a gallon of Grade A Lactose Free Greedy Milk™ into the clerk's face.   "THIS MILK," he bellowed, "IS FIVE CREDITS OVERPRICED."  He inhaled deeply before howling, at the top of his lungs, "EXPLAIN YOURSELF," rolling his R's and drawing out the sentence rather longer than he needed to, the clerk thought.  "I don't set the prices," he replied.  "You can take it up with corporate-"  Again, he was interrupted by the Grineer.  "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA - ANY IDEA, WHO I AM?!"  "No, who?" asked  the clerk, who didn't want to know.  "I AM COUNCILOR VAY HEK!  IT IS YOUR DUTY AS A CITIZEN OF THE GRINEER EMPIRE TO OBEY STANDARD TRADE REGULATIONS."  

 

The clerk sighed, rubbing his visor.  "Look.  This isn't worth getting shot over.  Just.. take the milk.  Okay?  Just take it.  Take the whole display case."  However, the councilor drew himself up furiously.  "I HAVE BEEN SLIGHTED, INSULTED, DEBASED AND DISRESPECTED.  I SHALL NOT BE SATISFIED WITH MILK, NO.  I DEMAND BLOOD MONEY."  He turned to the platoon of marines escorting him.  "GRINEER!  RAZE THIS WORTHLESS DEN OF THIEVES TO THE GROUND!  LEAVE NOTHING BEHIND!"

 

As the Grineer began the task of demolishing the store, and as the Clerk's body was riddled with bullets from head to toe, he fell to the floor.  His last thought, as he watched a missile racing towards his face, was, "This definitely isn't worth five credits an hour."  
 

Oblivion followed.

 

[Arunafeltz]

Five credits more for milk? How Greedy!

[quan256]

Please make more.

[(PSN)quota16]

R.I.P. Crewman clerk.

[BenzinNinJa]

I like this!
More Hek shenanigans please!

[CY13ERPUNK]

Please make more.

 

this

 

+1 OP

[Zeromanicus]

I'd like to see DE make this into a video.

[Ghost333]

*Breaks down laughing*

[smithf]

That's why we pushed for Automated Generic Vending Machine that can dispense anything from a hot coffee, a cold beer to new underwear.

And the Corpus Board tells us that it is cheaper to use people... especially when a high percentage of them no longer need to be paid at the end of the month...

[Kalenath]

That's why we pushed for Automated Generic Vending Machine that can dispense anything from a hot coffee, a cold beer to new underwear.

And the Corpus Board tells us that it is cheaper to use people... especially when a high percentage of them no longer need to be paid at the end of the month...

 

I just want to know who the HELL insures Corpus facilities.

 

Would a Tenno assault be considered an 'Act of God' or a natural disaster?

[InfiniumV]

Pardon me, But I appear to be asphyxiating with laughter.

[BenzinNinJa]

I really want to DE to do some CG and voice acting with Hek talking about every day stuff, like asking for the ketchup while eating dinner, instructing someone on how to use a washer or tumble dryer, or explaining to a store clerk what he wants when he can't remember the name of the item.

[Daniel_Kevlar]

I really want to DE to do some CG and voice acting with Hek talking about every day stuff, like asking for the ketchup while eating dinner, instructing someone on how to use a washer or tumble dryer, or explaining to a store clerk what he wants when he can't remember the name of the item.

That would be glorious!