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Origin Stories: The First Of Them (Ch. 58: "Broken" Update)


ROSING
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meaning Hayden was a survivor of the same mission

meaning Hayden was in their class / same academy

meaning Hayden was top of the class

 

Yeah I suppose I should expand on that background. This will come in later chapters. In fact, the best place I could add it in would be the next chapter...

 

That is TONS better man. It flows a lot better now, and it feels much more natural. There are a couple instances where you repeat yourself, and use the same word a couple of times, but that's mostly just grammar. Although a brief thing about explaining HOW Darren can feel water particles would've been nice, this is really turning out to be an excellent story!

 

Thanks! And yeah, the synonym struggle is real for me :T Might undergo more minor edits later for those.

 

I couldn't accurately describe to you how Darren feels the ice. It's kind of like an awareness of sorts, and it's really hard to come up with a good synonym for it right now, so I will have to get back to you on that...

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Hey look, the update post isn't a double post!

Chapter 5 is out now! Two of the most popular frames make their entry! Damn, these thing are getting longer...hope you enjoy!

 

You don't now how many times I have refreshed my forum to see this message

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Oh my god Darren HOW MANY ICE PUNS DO YOU NEED?!

 

And so Loki, Rhino, Volt, and I think Ash have been introduced. This is getting better and better with every chapter.

 

 

 

 

So now I have to wonder... What's the plan for the Primes? :P 

elements_of_earth_by_anoobarak94-d7fd2b2

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Oh my god Darren HOW MANY ICE PUNS DO YOU NEED?!

 

And so Loki, Rhino, Volt, and I think Ash have been introduced. This is getting better and better with every chapter.

 

 

 

 

So now I have to wonder... What's the plan for the Primes? :P 

 

Yeah I think Koda is Ash, he's the only frame I can think of who can teleport besides Loki, and maybe Nova, but she doesn't count because ROSING refers to Koda as a guy.

 

Wouldn't it make sense if these guys, the originals, were the Primes?

and every tenno who comes afterwards, is not?

 

also:

please tell me Gregor (love that name for Rhino btw) has a beard or at least a mustache, saw this awesome fanart of warframes without helmets a couple months ago and Rhino looked so badass, Ember looked similar to your description aswell, besides the charred skin

 

aN9EZOy.jpg

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Short, not a lot happened, but very nice. It's showing good progress.

 

The same problem as before came up, though. Hayden was surprisingly quick to pick up on EXACTLY what was happening. But it isn't nearly as big a problem this time. Still, coming along really nicely!

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Short, not a lot happened, but very nice. It's showing good progress.

 

The same problem as before came up, though. Hayden was surprisingly quick to pick up on EXACTLY what was happening. But it isn't nearly as big a problem this time. Still, coming along really nicely!

 

I made a teensy change to Ch.4; Hayden does not deduce Miyoko's abilities during that encounter; he just figures out it's causing these things to cling to her body. All it took was deleting a single sentence and bam! I think that discovering what it is wasn't as important as making it stop, and thus that was the point of that chapter.

 

Carry on! Next chapter will be introducing my most favorite frame!

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Jolla:     "How do I look?"

Darren: "Apart from some black spots you look alright"

             "What about me?"

Jolla:     "Apart from some black spots you look alright"

 

some warframe sas.

 

P.S. can we get a hint of your favorite frame? or are you going to be all 'DE-style' and make us wait?

I would start guessing.. but your most played frame is Ash and you already introduced him, so that's not it

Edited by BaIthazar
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Jolla:     "How do I look?"

Darren: "Apart from some black spots you look alright"

             "What about me?"

Jolla:     "Apart from some black spots you look alright"

 

some warframe sas.

 

P.S. can we get a hint of your favorite frame? or are you going to be all 'DE-style' and make us wait?

I would start guessing.. but your most played frame is Ash and you already introduced him, so that's not it

 

?? Did you go in game to find my most played Warframe?

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I made a teensy change to Ch.4; Hayden does not deduce Miyoko's abilities during that encounter; he just figures out it's causing these things to cling to her body. All it took was deleting a single sentence and bam! I think that discovering what it is wasn't as important as making it stop, and thus that was the point of that chapter.

 

Carry on! Next chapter will be introducing my most favorite frame!

That's good thinking there. Prioritize!

 

But the story is coming along very nicely so far. I'm still looking forward to the next one, and I'm curious as to what your favorite could be. :P

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Ok as great as that chapter was, my curiosity is getting the better of me: where's the technocyte? Hayden had it, and this Project Warframe could be building off the Proto-Excalibur suit. But, it's your fic, so whatever this history is it's up to you... I still wanna know where the technocyte went D:

 

AshxRandomFemaleSoldier ftw

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Yeah, I guess I meant that we'd actually get to see him as a character.

I have to ask,

if Ash is your favorite frame, why did you portay him as a "Massive C*nt"

everyone has their own opinion, and people can like what/whoever they want to like..

But I really dislike Ash from what I've read about him..

I understand every story needs something of a rebel.. but sheeeeeeit

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I have to ask,

if Ash is your favorite frame, why did you portay him as a "Massive C*nt"

everyone has their own opinion, and people can like what/whoever they want to like..

But I really dislike Ash from what I've read about him..

I understand every story needs something of a rebel.. but sheeeeeeit

 

Oh, he's a total jerk right now. If you hate him then that means I'm doing my job :D

 

I don't want to spoil too much, but don't worry, I treat my favorites well...

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I HAVE RETURNED!!

Seriously, I could not tell you how busy this week has been (still is busy) IRL. Barely found the time to get this chapter in, I thought I did what I could but please let me know if it sucks compared to the others...I got this feeling in the back of my head.

Anyway, we get to see a bit of Volt, and some fight scenes, so that's cool...I wonder if I fight scene'd alright. Anyway, just glad I could post this!

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Looking good so far. You seem to have referred to them as 'boys' a few times, which is probably leading me to imagine them younger than they are.

 

The CaliMag shipping though, its brilliant. Excellent. Their offspring shall rule the void!!!!!

 

If Frost and Ember dueled, do you think it would get steamy? Or explosive? :P and when the dust settles, will they be making out, finally?

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Looking good so far. You seem to have referred to them as 'boys' a few times, which is probably leading me to imagine them younger than they are.

 

The CaliMag shipping though, its brilliant. Excellent. Their offspring shall rule the void!!!!!

 

If Frost and Ember dueled, do you think it would get steamy? Or explosive? :P and when the dust settles, will they be making out, finally?

 

Graaahh I don't know whether to call them boys or men because if I do one it's too young and if I do the other it's too old-ish, and "young man" is too unwieldy; they're around 18-20 years of age! HOW DO I DO THIS??

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Graaahh I don't know whether to call them boys or men because if I do one it's too young and if I do the other it's too old-ish, and "young man" is too unwieldy; they're around 18-20 years of age! HOW DO I DO THIS??

 Huh, i honestly thought of Gregor as an older guy, all viking-ish, but if they're 18-20 years old they're men and women, Ford may call them boys since she seems older, if it complicates you, simply call them "he" and "she", most of the time it can be understood, also naming them by their caracteristics could work, like "the flash of light moved at unprecedented speed" referring to volt charging rhino, anyways, just some thoughts. Loving this fic, keep it up

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