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Origin Stories: The First Of Them (Ch. 58: "Broken" Update)


ROSING
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Graaahh I don't know whether to call them boys or men because if I do one it's too young and if I do the other it's too old-ish, and "young man" is too unwieldy; they're around 18-20 years of age! HOW DO I DO THIS??

 

I think it also depends on the mental image we all give your characters.

 

you describe youl as small (or below average, could be because he appears together with Gregor) so boy wouldn't be that bad..

but you describe Gregor as a large muscled guy (figures since he's Rhino)

I can't really get myself to call Gregor a boy.

18 or not.. if a towering muscled 18 year old walked up to me... I'd better not call him a 'boy' for my own safety.

 

personally I don't think there is anything wrong with 'Young man'

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I couldn't think of any examples at the time, but young man, young woman, etc sounds much better than boys/girls. Unfortunately late-teens is that weird area where you can't give them a general 'age' reference without it looking completely off-target :/

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Something has been bothering me for a while now,

 

There is a varying level of respect for Hayden from the different trainees,

 

- Gregor and Miyoko respect him of course

- Joul, Darren, and Jolla haven't really shared the same spotlight with Hayden enough to know for sure

- And then there is Koda of course

 

We all know that someday, either tomorrow or in 5 years (Idunno) all Hellspacers will be known as Tenno

So I'm thinkin... How is a rebel like Koda going to be okay with being named after a leader he doesn't listen to

 

P.S.

the 'warframe' chapter mentioned the warframes (duh), but are you going to work the Technocyte into the creation of the frames aswell?

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Something has been bothering me for a while now,

 

There is a varying level of respect for Hayden from the different trainees,

 

- Gregor and Miyoko respect him of course

- Joul, Darren, and Jolla haven't really shared the same spotlight with Hayden enough to know for sure

- And then there is Koda of course

 

We all know that someday, either tomorrow or in 5 years (Idunno) all Hellspacers will be known as Tenno

So I'm thinkin... How is a rebel like Koda going to be okay with being named after a leader he doesn't listen to

 

P.S.

the 'warframe' chapter mentioned the warframes (duh), but are you going to work the Technocyte into the creation of the frames aswell?

 

After some consideration, I don't think I'll be including the technocyte into this. I just have no idea how to work it in. The warframes are merely going to be state of the art orokin technology, not a happy accident of the technocyte.

 

At least, that's how it's going to be for now. We're a long way aways from when they get their suits, by my reckoning...I have to actually get to that point first :T

 

Oh, and I'm sure things will work out with Hayden and Koda. Somehow...

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KodaxHayden they're just perfect for each other

 

one way to work the technocyte in could just be to have it as a passive infection each of the survivors had pre-accident, and explains why they could survive that single breath of void air. I imagine the whole metallic sub-dermal skin layers would make them very energy-conductive with the warframes

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KodaxHayden they're just perfect for each other

 

one way to work the technocyte in could just be to have it as a passive infection each of the survivors had pre-accident, and explains why they could survive that single breath of void air. I imagine the whole metallic sub-dermal skin layers would make them very energy-conductive with the warframes

 

Breh you can knock on that door but I ain't opening it...

 

Maybe. We shall see...plenty of time to think it through...hell, I might not even make it there yet, something horrible could happen. :T

 

Hey, we're on page 5!

Edited by ROSING
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Pacing in the first combat scene is still a bit hectic,but otherwise, nicely written! Particularily the second combat scene. Improving nicely, man!

 

 

Yay! Thanks :D

 

KodaxRilla intensifies. I wish i could draw, i got a really clear image of how every character looks like. Keep it up, i check the forums everyday to see if you posted a new chapter

 

I can draw passably well...maybe at some point I can try, but I'm not qualified to draw burn marks, permanent frostbite, bruising and copious amounts of scars. I can try...

Edited by ROSING
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doouuuuble post...

 

BUT I'VE NOW CLEARED THE FIRST POST! ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!

On the other hand, I wish they had told me about it before I made all the tedious tweaks to it and everything. It continues on post 9 (chapter 9 starts at post 9 lol), I think I will use post 9 and 10 for the next updates...we'll see if I get as far as that :T

 

Anyway, this was probably my longest gap yet but hey it's still been under a week. I was also working on the later chapters to make sure I wasn't blindly building a path I couldn't follow, though that means I've got a good headstart on the next few chapters! Things are starting to get..interesting.

Edited by ROSING
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Moving to role playing :)

Why? Isn't this fanfiction? Or does Fanfiction fall in roleplay?

Just curious.

I am curious as well. I read SilverBones' post about this subforum and I don't see this qualifying as roleplaying, but if it is then such is life...

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