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Origin Stories: The First Of Them (Ch. 58: "Broken" Update)


ROSING
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So in the nick of time Sunday (maybe not for some of you) I've got it in! Chapter 28 is now up on Post #17!

 

Anyway, please let me know how this one turned out, I was bending over backwards trying to figure out this chapter. These new characters are interesting to say the least, at least to work with, but did I actually make them interesting? What do you think of them?

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Cool, interesting contrast of headcanon about Saryn though, because in my opinion, Saryn might actually be able to synthesize any number of chemicals, harmful or helpful, but from what we know of the Orokin now the might have regarded any chemically based treatment as "toxic" compared to the Lorists and so pushed whoever became a Saryn into being a full-on poisoner. 

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I started to feel really chilled at the start of Morgan's introduction but when he started talking it kind of made him seem tame.

I wonder how he'd be if he had a psychotic desire to possess...

 

He needs something eerie maintained about him, and cold. 

He's death itself after all!

Edited by Evanescent
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Am I the only one who can't wait for the badass moment when the Tenno are air dropped into a combat zone for the first time? Also, I like Morgan. I've always been a quiet one, to the point that I sneak up on people without even meaning to. People often forget I'm even in the room until I speak up, which has led to some pretty funny, albeit unintentional, jump scares.

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Morgan's introduction is chilling. But somehow different to the chilling we had when Darren was introduced. That was well done.

 

Will we see a Saryn in this? I've been feeling a void of Saryn ever since I finished the last fic, so it would be interesting to see someone else's interpretation of her character.

 

Excellent overall, although Morgan could have used some physical description, and that could have added to his ghastly effect, perhaps defined cheekbones, a thin face, cold lips etc.

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Morgan's introduction is chilling. But somehow different to the chilling we had when Darren was introduced. That was well done.

 

Will we see a Saryn in this? I've been feeling a void of Saryn ever since I finished the last fic, so it would be interesting to see someone else's interpretation of her character.

 

Excellent overall, although Morgan could have used some physical description, and that could have added to his ghastly effect, perhaps defined cheekbones, a thin face, cold lips etc.

Didn't we already see Saryn in this chapter? she poisoned Jolla after all.

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My only criticism about this chapter may be Morgan's character, so far you've stablished that the powers that the Tenno have are manifestations of their personalities or desires, so Morgan's personality seemed a little dull for someone whose powers revolve around summoning the dead and installing absolute fear into anyone who dares meet his gaze. Still, a pretty solid chapter, im liking Roland a lot

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Hold on, I've been looking everywhere in the past two chapters for a Saryn, but I can't seem to find her yet. Could you tell me a certain sentence to look for, because I can't find her at all.

EDIT: I'm an idiot, I didn't care to look in the last passage, and that's where Jolla was poisoned. My bad :P

Edited by FiveHours
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Thank you all! I'll see what I can do for Mr. Heath; don't worry, a lot of scenes are capturing them in unusual circumstances (i.e. realizing your friend's not coming back/remembering the kind of S#&$ that went down) so their true personalities will come into play or slowly develop as we move forward!

 

forstycmc I know that feel :T

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forstycmc I know that feel :T

Eh, I use it to my advantage to play jokes on people sometimes. Nobody ever suspects me. :) Though my little sis did get back at me one time by hiding in a cardboard box once, Metal Gear style. Scared the hell out of me, then she stole my Reeses and ran.

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Ok, I finally did it! Newest chapter, 29, is up now on Post #20. Gosh, I need to tone down the length of these chapters, we're starting to bust through whole posts in less than 4 of them!

Anyway, stuff happens. The Order is planning more nasty S#&$, and another favorite makes their appearance...as well as a special badass someone we all know.

 

I also forgot to say before, but I did the Natah quest last week, and that more than anything has proven to me that I am probably getting everything all wrong, and U18 will be the last nail in the coffin! But that won't stop me :T

 

Oh and as usual, please shower me with your praise or criticism, I find both very encouraging :)

Edited by ROSING
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I mean we've been doing almost nothing but PVP, so I guess so, just that maybe they will be more intense. But how to write complex fight scenes??

Just an idea: Maybe you can have teshin take them to the conclave which is some holy battle ground or something with lots of obstacles and have them navigate it and fight each other FFA style. obscure the objective information (Ex: X got hit by Y, X is wounded, Z is moving from behind Y to attack) and focus more on the point of view of each character.

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