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Origin Stories: The First Of Them (Ch. 58: "Broken" Update)


ROSING
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Actively re-reading the story.

So far went to chapter 7, all the changes are clear, evident, and adding a lot to the original writing.

 

Edit: Ho, new page.

 

Edited by Cyriann
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9 hours ago, KuraioNokami said:

wow. just wow. i only found this yesterday, and i must say this is positively the best fan-written story i have ever read. i write this kind of stuff myself, and i would like to thank you for reinspireing me after a year of no writing. and i swear on my nonexistent life, i will murder you, go to hell, murder you again and bring you back to life afterward if you fail to finish this story or mess up and fail to write good chapters at some point in the story. but no, seriously. great story. keep it up at your own pace.

hahaha it's always a great joy to see a new reader, especially one who is also a writer. Glad I could help and look forward to more!

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3 hours ago, Ibro156 said:

@ROSING Can you change the letters to black, so i can read it. Because right now, It kinda fades into the background. So it can be easier for me to read. Also, can you tell me what's wrong with mine?(English isn't my mother tongue)

Hi Ibro,

I don't quite understand. Are you saying that the letters in my story are not black and because the background is white, you can't see it? From my side, it looks black to me, but you can also change the theme and background of the website at the bottom of the page, maybe that will help. And then for the second sentence, when you say "mine" what are you referring to?

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3 minutes ago, Ibro156 said:

@ROSING Rosing, you dont have to be formal with me. This the forums after all. I like to ask yo, if you could to read my crappy story, and give me some feedback. Seeing how well made yours is 

 

Ahaha, sorry I just have a bad habit of being formal. I'll give it a look-see!

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Bam, chapter 28 is up already with a new chapter title on Post #20, although since my titles are all crap (How generic of a name is 'Origin Stories,' anyway), I'll bet you wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't put it in!

Seriously tho, can you think of a better title for this story?
 

Major changes to this chapter: 

Kat's abilities have not been revealed...sorta. You can read that whole first section with Kat, and then with Kat, and Gregor, and it will be somewhat different from the original.

That's about it, small grammatical/minor detail changes to the rest of the chapter. As per usual, comments and criticism are strongly encouraged.

Edited by ROSING
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8 hours ago, FiveHours said:

Ah, good to see a friendly face here again. That trinity hasn't appeared in my notifications box for a while. 

My phone doesn't do well with these forums, could you please link the post with the chapter in it? 

Whoops sorry, it's on Post #20.

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  • 3 weeks later...

These chapters have gotten long, haven't they?

That's one reason this chapter is taking a while, these things are easily twice as long as the chapters from the past, and revamping entire chapters of that length is taking a while. The other reason for this specific chapter's delay is that I am undergoing a massive undertaking to develop Miyoko as a character more, something that I know you had concerns about, Evan. I'm trying to figure out this one scene that I've added in, and I know that I won't even get it completely right when I publish it, so I'm relying on all of your feedback. Regardless, it's still taking a while, and so the next chapter will be coming out this Friday. Just wanted to update you guys to let you know I'm not dead.

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53 minutes ago, ROSING said:

These chapters have gotten long, haven't they?

That's one reason this chapter is taking a while, these things are easily twice as long as the chapters from the past, and revamping entire chapters of that length is taking a while. The other reason for this specific chapter's delay is that I am undergoing a massive undertaking to develop Miyoko as a character more, something that I know you had concerns about, Evan. I'm trying to figure out this one scene that I've added in, and I know that I won't even get it completely right when I publish it, so I'm relying on all of your feedback. Regardless, it's still taking a while, and so the next chapter will be coming out this Friday. Just wanted to update you guys to let you know I'm not dead.

Can't wait to see that.

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Chapter 29 is up with a new chapter title and several other revisions on  Post #20.

A few changes that you need to know about:

The introduction of Fervis and his ship was altered, but not in a way that affects the story too much, was just to help with world-building and consistency.

A NEW SCENE!! Between Miyoko and Hayden. @Evanescent This is the start of my attempt to flesh out Miyoko as a character, and I'm quite excited with how it will play into the story. Just let me know if I'm off to a bad start.

Rose's story remains unchanged.

A NEW SCENE that covers how Victoria and Morgan meet.

An alteration has been made to the introduction of Sebastian to flesh him out as a character.

I've removed the part where the mentorships are introduced because that part was largely unnecessary. The mentorships will be introduced as we go along, butthey also have not been changed.

The scene where Victoria, Morgan and Roland all meet has been shifted to the next chapter, stay tuned for that.

Slight alterations have been made to the introduction of Teshin with respect to the interaction between Melody and Joul, nothing too game changing.

God I hope these don't turn into patch notes or something...

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Got bored and did some doodling...this is my idea of Miyoko in the new scene from chapter 29. Just thought I'd share. Don't hate on it, I specialize in writing, not in drawing...

Spoiler

FGc6wQq.png

Also I realize there were some issues with the spoilers from some of the content posts so I just spent some time painstakingly removing and reposting those...god bless cut copy paste. That issue should be fixed.

Oh, and double post! Boy it's been a while since I've done that... 

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  • 2 weeks later...

TRI-TRI-TRI-TRIPLE POST!

Srsly guys, post here so I don't feel lonely and boost my epeen

Anyways, Chapter 30: Hidden is now out on  Post #20.

IMPORTANT: It has been brought to my attention by @Cyriann that the forum is becoming super sluggish when trying to view my story, probably because there are over 100,000 words of text that normally shouldn't be there on a regular forum post. If you are like him (and actually me) in that trying open up a chapter spoiler causes a super long load time or even crashes/kills the page, then I highly recommend you peruse this Giggle Drive folder that I created for your use! Seeing as I just created it, please let me know if you have any trouble accessing or using it:

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B9Hpd9CR5ZpHQUxSNm9aTnFSQWc

Changes to this Chapter:

-NEW SCENE in where Victoria talks with Miyoko. Not that long.

-NEW SCENE in where Hayden talks with Nadia about his relationship problems, if they can be called that.

-Slight lore/story edits to the scene with Roland and Darren

-NEW SCENE with Gregor and Kat interacting and discussing her powers before her spar with Sebastian, followed by an interaction between Sebastian and Jason about Sebastian's powers.

-Slight edits to the fight between Kat and Sebastian, notably that Kat activates her abilities for the first time there instead of having control of them before.

 

As always, I welcome your criticism and feedback! (AKA pls post :sad:)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry for the delay. Chapter 31: Hysteria is now out on Post #20 or on the google doc link:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1slxIChB1Ib_imjhFlhAKqyzjRW6bqOjwipKZPMNxswI/edit?usp=sharing

As you might have noticed, I've been posting every two weeks because I've been juggling school with these super long chapters, but it took longer this time around because I was finishing up finals. Now that that is out of the way, hopefully I'll be able to publish faster and get the newer chapters over the summer.

Changes to this chapter:

Slight changes to the scene with Teshin and Kat. The overall outcome is the same.

NEW SCENE between Miyoko and Hayden. Awkwardness intensifies.

Slight changes to the scene with Morgan, Roland and Victoria. The overall outcome is also the same.

As usual, if you have the sudden need to criticise or praise me, please do so.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can't tell if I'm spending too much time on these or not enough :T

At any rate, Chapter 32: Conflicting has been revised on  Post #20  or on the google doc link:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oK-fWy-7JlqhnQhpgCXMv6XaWmO_7GWbwEy-mqmzglU/edit?usp=sharing

Changes to the chapter:

NEW SCENE Explaining more of Miyoko's past.

NEW SCENE with Sebastian and Morgan interacting with Dr. Coven...for science!

slight changes to the discussion between Roland and Victoria. Overall outcome is the same.

Phew, only 2-3 more chapters of revisions before I can start putting new ones up. Thanks for everyone's patience.

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2 hours ago, ROSING said:

I can't tell if I'm spending too much time on these or not enough :T

At any rate, Chapter 32: Conflicting has been revised on  Post #20  or on the google doc link:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oK-fWy-7JlqhnQhpgCXMv6XaWmO_7GWbwEy-mqmzglU/edit?usp=sharing

Changes to the chapter:

NEW SCENE Explaining more of Miyoko's past.

NEW SCENE with Sebastian and Morgan interacting with Dr. Coven...for science!

slight changes to the discussion between Roland and Victoria. Overall outcome is the same.

Phew, only 2-3 more chapters of revisions before I can start putting new ones up. Thanks for everyone's patience.

YAASSS It makes me so happy to see you're still on board with this story, keep up the good work as always ROSING

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43 minutes ago, Lankander said:

YAASSS It makes me so happy to see you're still on board with this story, keep up the good work as always ROSING

 

38 minutes ago, Cyriann said:

I'm staying silent, but I'm stalking this subject almost as much as the RP I'm playing on this forum, and I'm almost connected 24/7 on it.

WOOHOO PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE!! I was beginning to think that I was just talking to myself, which of course is nothing new. At any rate, I would be finishing this story even if there was no one still following it and everyone had taken back all their likes. But thanks for the comments, guys!

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7 minutes ago, (PS4)khen_2001 said:

I just started reading this, and this is SO awesome! :D 
Keep up the good work, ROSING! 

Glad to have you here! Always a pleasure to have a new reader and critic :)

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