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Stalker Fake Story In A Poem


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So I got bored today at school, decided to make time worth it..

WARNING: Heavy TL;DR ahead

 

Here is what I wrote, please consider that this is the first poetic thing I ever wrote in my life..

 

 

Oh, dear mark * I just received a stalker mark

 

 

Thanks to stalker`s dearest cousin * guess who is it I think you know it

 

 

Lech kril will loudly bark * as the stalker f***s me at the park

 

 

He will spam his dispel troll * then he will introduce you to the wall

 

 

He feels like taking souls * but he hates them vauban balls

 

 

they don`t stop to shock * and stalker hates to get stunlock

 

 

So he invented the dispel swag * this power forced him to spam

 

 

so he had to put natural talent * his build is so stuffed that he says "goddammit"

 

 

He once tried thunderbolt mod * but all he got was a face full of bolts

 

 

he said this mod is weak & a DUD * so he complained to a fellow DE bud

 

 

He neither obeyed nor even gave a %&^# * stalker shot him so hard that till today he is stuck

 

 

the stalker went to the dock * to meet up with his doc.

 

 

Doctor said dispel will hurt the user * the stalker says  "he is such a loser"

 

 

The diagnosis revealed * the stalker`s braton got him pealed

 

 

Stalker had to admit * he got mugged because of it

 

 

"that thing is so weak" * "I stayed in bed for a week"

 

 

"When I came back to work" * "I decided to try a pitch-fork"

 

 

"Try it" people said * "It`ll be fun" they said

 

 

"I was so helpless back there" * " I got so frustrated that I dropped despair"

 

 

"People took it litteral" * "They put a waypoint on my shuriken poster"

 

 

"They used a lot of morphics" * "They made it real but it needed a little fix"

 

 

"Why is that?" the doctor asked * Stalker`s answer was that the projectiles would spin back

 

 

The doctor started to laugh * Stalker wished he had a staff

 

 

Stalker looks tough * he needs a hell of a buff

 

 

The doctor gave him an idea for stalker 2.0 * he said it`ll make him a hero

 

 

He gave him some adorable weapons * a chewy toy and some toy hammers

 

 

Stalker then started to mock his doctor * he said his idea was lackluster

 

 

He wanted something more bloodthirsty * something that has 5000 DPS at lvl 30

 

 

So the doctor shook his head * then he came up with "the dread"

 

 

The stalker did like the name * but the stats of it were so lame

 

 

When Stalker saw the base damage he was like "wut?" * " I deserve a better plot"

 

 

"You should enhance your bot" the doctor said then * "I want a pistol with magazine size of ten"

 

 

"That`s weird, it had the exact some number" the doctor said * Stalker asked: "what did?

 

 

"the thing you dropped" * "Does it? HOLLY @#%$ !!"

 

 

"Go get`em tiger" doctor said * Stalker said indeed he will

 

 

So he thought for a moment * rather longer than a moment

 

 

The entire morning in fact * then an idea had an impact

 

 

he decided to take it back * but the question was how?

 

 

He tried the easy way, he dressed in pink and tried to discuss * nobody even said "hey", they kicked him out and he felt disgust

 

 

Distrust took its place * in hate he rushed with a great pace

 

 

he hid in the dark * waiting for someone to take a deathmark

 

 

Rather shortly afterwards * he saw the tenno running in hoards

 

 

there was an infestation outbreak * he thought it is loyalty but the reward was 2 alad v coordinates

 

 

he took the chance as it was a Phorid * he gave them all marks even though he hates Phorid

 

 

But alas, his luck was horrid * he choked to death by a Nova`s Torid

 

 

After the tenno left, he started gathering his stuff to go * then he found something that gave him some releif

 

 

"This is just what I need!" * "It should help me a lot, I believe"

 

 

Of course it is the hate he found * he never knew he had it, but with it stalker would want to be found

 

 

so he can get his good old weapon back * but the tenno still beat him due to his biggest lack

 

 

He needed a gun * it wasn`t so fun

 

 

For him at least * Tenno are beasts

 

 

They don`t know pain yet * oh but they will soon enough if you wait

 

 

his bow was being built * he didn`t want to feel guilt

 

 

so he didn`t rush its build * the item was defective last time he did

 

 

.......

 

The dread is finished * the time has come

 

 

he checked his E-MAIL for marks he had sent * he found so few that his hope got bent

 

 

then his cousin called * he said Tenno had made him bald!

 

 

The stalker said "don`t worry" * "I`ll avenge you little -cuzy-"

 

 

He sent the squad deathmarks * the next mission they entered he showed up to one of them

 

 

"the blood of cous- er, Kril is on your hands, did you really think there would be no repercussios? * the Tenno were stressed as they were low ranked, so they took cover

 

But he got one of them, which dropped the despair Blueprint * Stalker wnet to get it when he knew what it meant

 

 

to be in agony, as he bled out on the ground * his psyche was at risk Blueprint loss was inbound

 

 

He consulted his nephew, Alad V * Alad said "you should always make a deal"

 

 

"I get you your shurikens back, and you get me a Nekros warframe for Zanuka, he needs a new scarf" * "Stalker agreed and went on the hunt at Europa`s wharf

 

 

he found an event running there * "nice they`ll be busy enough for me to set the snares"

 

 

So he tried that, the event was survival * "even better, a bunch of Nekroses", his breather was handy, though not vital

 

 

He won`t choke to death * he`ll always have a fancy 5 health

 

 

he targeted the Nekros and captured him * SIDE NOTE: the Tenno suffocated without him

 

 

When stalker went back to Alad V, he found that he got shot but still lived * the deal was done even though Zanuka is dead

 

 

Now that he has a powerful Secondary * He became tough to carry

 

 

"Now I hunt, diving your numbers. Watching from that dark place, cataloging your sins, I am the ghost of retribution. You may forget, but you`re not innocent"

 

 

 What you think? Any criticism is welcome :)

Edited by Bizzaro21
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