So My Grandma Died

[artemisfortune]

Excuse the semi click-baity title, but I have no where else to talk about this. We were close, and she was about as typical as Grandmothers go. Sweet and kind, the type that when you go over there and you say "Grandma I really want pizza hut right now!" she'd respond with "Me too! Lets get some!" After a quick but painful battle, she passed in the night. I arrived right after she went, I went into her room where she lay and felt... nothing. I didn't feel anything. I don't feel pain, sadness, or sorrow. I can't really mention this to my now grieving family but I just don't feel anything and it bothers me. It bothers me that I can't even empathize with them.

Sorry for bumming down off-topic with this morbid post but I need to know if anyone else feels the same. I want to be there for my family but I don't know how. I only feel sorrow towards my family for their loss, but it's superficial. I feel it because it feels like I should, not because I do, if that makes sense.

Again, sorry for the morbid topic, I just don't really have another place to go with this.

[Tizodd]

Really sorry to hear that.  Part of me will die whenever I lose my Nana.  I love her so much but she's in her 80's now and the reality is, her time is coming sooner than I'd like.  Stay strong and know that death is a part of life that we all have to face at some point.

edit: Okay I just read your post and I'm not sure what to say.  Am I understanding that you don't care that your loving grandma is gone?

Edited September 21, 2016 by Tizodd

[artemisfortune]

1 hour ago, Tizodd said:

Really sorry to hear that.  Part of me will die whenever I lose my Nana.  I love her so much but she's in her 80's now and the reality is, her time is coming sooner than I'd like.  Stay strong and know that death is a part of life that we all have to face at some point.

edit: Okay I just read your post and I'm not sure what to say.  Am I understanding that you don't care that your loving grandma is gone?

I don't think it's that I don't care. I just don't feel anything. It feels like any other day while a lot of my family is huddled over in balls of broken emotions.

[Tizodd]

6 minutes ago, JSharpie said:

I don't think it's that I don't care. I just don't feel anything. It feels like any other day while a lot of my family is huddled over in balls of broken emotions.

Maybe you were just prepared for the inevitable.  Nothing really wrong with that imo.  Just be careful around your grieving family, as they might interpret it as you not caring.

edit: Another thing to consider is, everyone grieves in their own way.  Maybe your way is to get numb to the situation and shield yourself from the emotion.  Again...not necessarily a bad thing, but something you definitely want to be mindful of when interacting with your grieving family.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Tizodd

[artemisfortune]

58 minutes ago, Tizodd said:

Maybe you were just prepared for the inevitable.  Nothing really wrong with that imo.  Just be careful around your grieving family, as they might interpret it as you not caring.

Oh they know, they just don't know it bothers the mess out of me that I can't bring myself to their level emotionally.

[Tizodd]

1 minute ago, JSharpie said:

Oh they know, they just don't know it bothers the mess out of me that I can't bring myself to their level emotionally.

Well, just know you're not alone.  As a male, I've been raised to suppress my emotions.  It may often come off as me being detached (which in retrospect...it's probably exactly that), but I do care.  I just have a hard time expressing it emotionally.  Like I said, when my grandma dies, it's going to tear me up inside...but idk how much of that will be visibly noticeable by others.

[Arcane_Intelligence]

About half a year ago, my own grandmother died and I pretty much had similar experience.

Hearing about it not long after it happened, going there with rest of the family, people mourning and there I was, not crying. Just sad. I was more concerned how others would handle it.

I´m not very emotional guy myself, not usually showing my emotions to others but I thought there would be at least something. I guess I was mentally prepared for it, she had been at bad shape for very long time. Of course worth mentioning is that I didn´t actually go to see her, unlike many others.

But month later came her funeral and I cried. Probably most I ever had.

Even today, when I sometimes think about it, I might shed a tear or two.

So just remember, even if you are not feeling much right now, you might later. And even if that doesn´t happen, deep down you know that you cared about her and would want to spend more time with her. Isn´t that right?

P.S: Also sorry about your loss, hope you and your family can get through these hard times.

[Meliq]

When my mother died - I did not cry.
When my grandmother died - I did not cry.
When my father died - I did not cry.
When my grandfather died - I did not cry.

Then Christmas came and I realized I had no family and was all alone.  I cried.
[as an aside, I am middle age, divorced and have no children]

Grief hits everyone differently. There is nothing wrong with you.  There is a process - it is possible you have gone through the process more quickly, it is also possibly you are just in the beginning stages.

  

Edited September 23, 2016 by Meliq
formatting.

[Anavi_Ivy]

It's not wrong to feel that way. When my grandfather passed away, it was few months ago, I did not feel sorrow nor anything of that kind. Instead, I felt my mind turning numb. I just don't feel like he passed away at all. I have some unbelieveable feeling that he is somewhere there in the house doing something. And whenever my family and I go to his grave, I never have feeling that he is there. I can't explain how that numbness really feels like. No sorrow, no depression, no nothing. Just numbness.

However, when I was supposed to say that he passed away, I caught myself that I was on edge of tears. I was all fine and then when I had to say it out-loud I have just felt something hit me hard.