-Strayed- Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Your characters are at least distinct, Sumika, and enjoyable to read. I apologise Unendingblade, but I'm about to rant a bit. To me, Miho is annoying. It might just be that she's too Japanese and I don't care for much of Japan's culture, but she really gets on my metaphorical $*. She's too emotional, too ignorant, and needy to the point where she literally flies into a panic when she woke up and her adopted, semi-incestual brother wasn't there to coddle her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. I get that it might make sense, I get that it might be very reasonable considering the circumstances and I get that she's your OC but I can't bring myself to like her. Sorry for ranting and being bitter, I just had to get it off my chest. No worries, I actually welcome your criticism, I am going to make her grow as a character and be more Tenno-like, I just wanted her to be more human-like at first as she is still new to the whole being a Tenno, in a way I planned on her being a defenseless girl, she is young, albeit the youngest Tenno out there with Tatsuya coming in second, compared to others who already have decades, maybe a century of experience fighting. But I do understand where you are coming, I am not upset, I kind of expected this kind of criticism, but thank you for telling me this, I can use your rant to improve her as a character. How about Tatsuya? Anything you want to add as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 No worries, I actually welcome your criticism, I am going to make her grow as a character and be more Tenno-like, I just wanted her to be more human-like at first as she is still new to the whole being a Tenno, in a way I planned on her being a defenseless girl, she is young, albeit the youngest Tenno out there with Tatsuya coming in second, compared to others who already have decades, maybe a century of experience fighting. But I do understand where you are coming, I am not upset, I kind of expected this kind of criticism, but thank you for telling me this, I can use your rant to improve her as a character. How about Tatsuya? Anything you want to add as well? I'm re-reading stuff while there's a lull in the posting, I'll answer this is a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Viper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Your characters are at least distinct, Sumika, and enjoyable to read.I apologise Unendingblade, but I'm about to rant a bit. To me, Miho is annoying. It might just be that she's too Japanese and I don't care for much of Japan's culture, but she really gets on my metaphorical $*. She's too emotional, too ignorant, and needy to the point where she literally flies into a panic when she woke up and her adopted, semi-incestual brother wasn't there to coddle her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. I get that it might make sense, I get that it might be very reasonable considering the circumstances and I get that she's your OC but I can't bring myself to like her. Sorry for ranting and being bitter, I just had to get it off my chest. You my dear fellow just said what I've been wanting to say for a long time, and you didn't even appear mean when doing so. I applaud you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishworshipper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 No worries, I actually welcome your criticism, I am going to make her grow as a character and be more Tenno-like, I just wanted her to be more human-like at first as she is still new to the whole being a Tenno, in a way I planned on her being a defenseless girl, she is young, albeit the youngest Tenno out there with Tatsuya coming in second, compared to others who already have decades, maybe a century of experience fighting. But I do understand where you are coming, I am not upset, I kind of expected this kind of criticism, but thank you for telling me this, I can use your rant to improve her as a character. How about Tatsuya? Anything you want to add as well? Tatsuya is a little emotional and quick-to-conclusions for my tastes, bit otherwise not bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Strayed- Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I understand guys, this is my first female OC, so I am still trying to get used to writing one, in most RPs i've been I have written male OCs only, I apologize guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishworshipper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I think the secret to writing females is to write a guy, and change the names and pronouns accordingly. At least, that's what I can tell from writers like Kalenath, Jeahanne and Snale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 One thing I would bring up, if I may, is that they aren't particularly strong characters by themselves. Together they end up ok, but you can definitely tell they're two incomplete halves. Without each other, they rely on a japanese-theme gimmick too heavily. There's nothing to be sorry for, writing isn't easy, that's why we're all here to help each other. Kind of happens. I'd say Galus is my worst character, by far. I just took my personal beliefs about the Corpus, my main warframe, and some latin for the hell of it and set him free. Jesus hell, I re-read Hounds and Rats sometimes and cringe a bit, though it is interesting to see how much his thoughts have changed without me noticing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Viper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 No worries, I actually welcome your criticism, I am going to make her grow as a character and be more Tenno-like, I just wanted her to be more human-like at first as she is still new to the whole being a Tenno, in a way I planned on her being a defenseless girl, she is young, albeit the youngest Tenno out there with Tatsuya coming in second, compared to others who already have decades, maybe a century of experience fighting. But I do understand where you are coming, I am not upset, I kind of expected this kind of criticism, but thank you for telling me this, I can use your rant to improve her as a character. How about Tatsuya? Anything you want to add as well? Fish is right. Your characters seem to be heavily Anime/Manga based down to every little detail and it could be seen even in your first posts. Nether I or anyone else I know acted the way Miho does, not even at the age of 13. Her behavior is more like the one of a 4 year old. And considering that she was kept captive by the Corpus for so many years there are so much deep psychological things you could have added to her. It feels like a wasted opportunity. And Tatsuya...considering that you say he's been the apprentice of a frost prime he should be more stable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Cool cool I think he gets the idea, we should probably back off a bit. ... Actually, you know what, let's make this Feedback Time, as long as we're here. Who's next on the chopping block? I volunteer myself if noone else wants to step up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Strayed- Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) Um.... by far Cardina is the best character in this RP. Nuf' said. EDIT: I will be heading off to bed, and I will see you guys tomorrow! Thanks for the help guys, writing is still a bit new to me, only started doing this a month ago. Edited May 5, 2014 by Unendingblade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Viper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Cool cool I think he gets the idea, we should probably back off a bit. ... Actually, you know what, let's make this Feedback Time, as long as we're here. Who's next on the chopping block? I volunteer myself if noone else wants to step up! Didn't see your post until after I already posted mine Otherwise I can be a volunteer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishworshipper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I wouldn't mind Cyrios getting stabbed a few times with bits of sharpened cynicism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temperance000 Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I whole-heartedly agree with Unending. Cardina has made this RP much of what it is. Anyone have thoughts on Temperance, while we're working this out? I think he went through some rather sudden changes around the time of the pirate attack, at least that's the feeling I get writing him now versus then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumika1204 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Share Posted May 5, 2014 Temperance and Cardina have been the life of this rp for the most part, it seems to me and I generally love reading the respective authors' posts. Also, see you guys in 8 hours. Off to bed with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmoKnight Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Am I a bad person for laughing at the gory parts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Am I a bad person for laughing at the gory parts? Only if I'm a bad person for not being able to write them with a straight face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Viper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Am I a bad person for laughing at the gory parts? Not at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temperance000 Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Yeah, that was...quite an impressive display SnaleKing. Gruesome, but impressive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirNocturne Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I whole-heartedly agree with Unending. Cardina has made this RP much of what it is. Anyone have thoughts on Temperance, while we're working this out? I think he went through some rather sudden changes around the time of the pirate attack, at least that's the feeling I get writing him now versus then. The interaction between you and Cardina has been the life and soul of this RP. You both have made two characters that really stand on there own, their strengths and flaws make them seem like real characters. I applaud both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Jinx is determined and doesn't take sh*t. This thread is surprisingly light on straight badasses, and I like having someone who's on the same mental and power level as Cardina, without the Derelict's aid, of course. Cyrios I haven't thought much of, to be honest. I like the idea of him being a Tenno with powers nobody's made a frame for, like every poor Zephyr-to-be in, say, Gradivus,, and he just made the best of it. Good idea, and he's had pretty good execution, actually, I particularly like his interaction with Temperance. Temperance has been a perfect foil to Cardina and vice versa, which is probably why they get shipped so hard. She's not half as logical as she thinks she is, and Temperance calls her out on it, like when he insisted she sleep. Temperance just acts and feels and regrets it later, which I like, because people don't think things out when someone they love is dying in their arms. Something I've greatly appreciated, however, is your ability to write for both halves of Cardinance at times, I think we're both doing something right if you can accurately predict my character's actions, like when they both replied to Rien at the same time, or just now when he found her old hiding place. Dead-on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirNocturne Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 (edited) Cool cool I think he gets the idea, we should probably back off a bit. ... Actually, you know what, let's make this Feedback Time, as long as we're here. Who's next on the chopping block? I volunteer myself if noone else wants to step up! Well if you guys have any thoughts on Arkas and how I could improve him, I would love to hear it. Edited May 5, 2014 by Arkitect_ShadowFrame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Cyrios snapped his head towards the location of the sound."Gah! Try not no give me a heart attack next time you wanna talk!" I really need to upgrade my sensors. If anyone with a Shade comes at me I'm completely defenseless. "One thing, I'm not sure that those hundreds would live anyways if that... Thing got out. Secondly, you people keep mentioning this 'Cardina' character being able to handle it, but I didn't see anyone alive in there. Unless she's hiding behind a tree or something..." Haha oh sh*t this is happening during the four hours she's eating? I'll just edit out the "walking out" part of the post until enough has happened, then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishworshipper Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I was tempted to have her walk out and wipe her mouth or something but I didn't want to mess up anyone's timelines. And Snale got my opinions on the characters pretty dead-on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnaleKing Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Well, if Cardina's going to be... indisposed for the time being, I am going to sleep. It's 2:30 am over here, I didn't want to miss anything. See you all in eight hours. Unless I can't sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Strayed- Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Morning guys! Today I will be revealing both Miho's and Tatsuya's past, well for Tatsuya, just his last mission when he rescued Miho and how he got his cell killed because of an impulsive decision. I will be making them grow as characters today, so I am going to be asking help from ALL OF YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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