The cult of Früd. (Fan Fiction).

[Finkelfantomen]

When the real Loid (Not the cute, and entertaining, vacuum cleaner droid) was found, and the secret laboratories of the Orokin master scientist Albrecht Entrati was made public there was much… noise. Noice and “disturbance of the peace” as thousands of people started arriving on Demios as if an Orokin Disneyland had been discovered.

Many were those who ventured there to uncover the secrets of the sanctum. All hoping to improve their fortune! Some hoped for unearthing treasures that would bring power. Others looked to solve enigmas that would bring glory. 

But they were all mislead and blinded by the artifacts, trinkets and shiny things promising a swift increase of strength. The real might of the home of Albrech weren’t trinkets of power. But the unbending might of the mind, the guidance of the... path.

So, the first, and second, storm of “fortune seekers” wandered bewitched of the “shinies” of the Sanctum. And they missed what was really, really, important.

In his genius Albrecht had gone so far beyond madness that he came out on the other side, being abnormally sane. That meant a sanity so far beyond the grasp of common men that it resembled insanity. In that state the scientist had created sentient animals! They could think, and even speak their mind! But as everyone flocked to those three that could bring clues to the sanctums secret, the fourth one was overlooked, and soon forgotten. It was of tiny stature and quickly hid in a corner covered in shadows.

That shadow filled corner was now the home of a tiny tortoise.  It was quite happy to be left alone. Since Albrecht had “enhanced” him, he had learned how to think,, and now thinking was his business. So he happily left the treasure hunting, and be-a-hero to others, leaving him alone in his corner with his thoughts and philosophical reasoning aligning them.

Albrecht had only called him “you”, so he gave himself a name. He was “Früd!” It was a name taken from one of Albrechts books. Listening to Loid and Albrecht discussing the works of Früd the author seemed to have a thing for people relaxing on a couch. That was something that tortoise-Früd could appreciate too.

But then someone overheard him talking to him self, and guided by curiosity had come over and say “Hello.” The bastard!  Now he was noticed.

It was a short conversation, that time. He had been asked a few questions, and shared his advice, as he could. The visitor, now happy with the answers to his conundrums had left, having a new path to steer his life. But he had told others… And the word spread quickly. The bastard!

The next day a group of worried people arrived. All looking to him for anwers of their every day problems. 

He tried his best, as he could, to give answers that would release some of the weight that their lives had put on their shoulders. But why they trusted him to give life altering advice he never knew. He had been born, raised, and grown in a cage, and as a tortoise. Still, they seemed happy enough for someone else to decide for them what to do with their lives.

A month later this was getting annoying. More and more visitors arrived each day, seeking his advice. He was a tortoise for florks sake. But the Cult of Früd was growing. 

He could tell them anything (Within his restricted vocabolary)! And they just didn’t believe it but also interpreted it through their internal filters. A man once came and said “Oh Früd, the crops on my farm are not growing. I have watered them each day, I have asked them to grow with a sweet and tender voice, and I have aligned them in the direction of our holy temple. I have asked the sun, and talked to the earth. Still, they do not grow! Tell me what to do, please!”

 His response had been “Yo momma!” Albrecht had given intelligence and speech to his pets, but for Früd, speech was highly limited. Three words was all he knew (the third was “next”). But intonation was a tool all on its own!

The man had risen up and exclaimed “Of course! I’ve suspected it for years! But your words speak the truth! I must sacrifice my mother in law to the crop gods tomorrow!”

That’s when Früd realized that people didn’t go to prophets for advice, but for confirmation of what they already thought and knew.

Another visitor said “Oh great tortoise before me (Früd was well aware that he was only four inches wide, ant not great in stature,  but he was used to this), tell me how to get the Corpus not to tax my farm again.”

“Yo momma!” Früd said.

“Yes yes!” the farmer rose up and exclaimed, “I will sell them my mother in law as a worker in the mines of Orb Valis. Brilliant! And it solves two problems in one stroke!” He bowed towards Früd once, and then just to be sure did it two more times while walking away.    

The tortoise barely had time to let out a sigh before the next customer was in line, on his knees and head bent low (after all he was a tortoise sitting on the floor, so you had to drop some height to talk to him.) 

“Oh, thou holy tortoise-thing, blessed are thou! I have a pain in my back that even archon shards won’t cure. Please accept my offerings and help me!”
The man stretched out his right arm. The hand at its end held a carrot.

A carrot!

Now this was a man who understood how deities would be pleased! 

Früd chomped off a bit of the carrot and answered his call. “Yo mamma!”.

“Yes!” the man exclaimed as he rose to his feet! “I got to get the mama of my children, my wife, of my back! She’s always yelling ‘Seymore do this, Seymore do that!’ and ‘Seymore have you taken out the trash?’ Of course, she’s the weight crushing my spine! Oh, thank you, oh almighty tortoise!” Then he quickly scuffed away.

Now he was getting tired. But the line of the cult had no end.

The tortoise sighed. “Next…”

A Tenno came forward. This was unusual…

“Oh great… in wisdom at least, tortoise of the sanctum. I have the ever watching and ruling RNG working against me. Vast is the collection of relics I have acquired, and numerous are the times I have opened them but been knocked down in tears since it’s just been another Forma blueprint…”

Früd looked up on the Tennos face. It was hidden behind a shiny horned helmet. But still, it emitted tears, sadness, and resignation. This one really needed help.
Früd focused his mind and considered his next move. Then he spoke with his most serious tortoise voice.

“Yo momma.”

The Tenno rose to his feet and looked down at the bringer of wisdom.

“So… you’re saying I should not give up? Just as my momma the Lotus fought for me? The RNG can be cruel, but with determination I can bring it to its heels? I haven’t… thought of it as such. That it just takes focus and sheer will to accomplish things. I will do it! Momma, I will make you proud no matter how many upgraded relics that laugh in my face!”

“Yo momma.” Früd replied.

“Yes,” the Tenno said. “I understand now. You repeat that sentence since repetition is the solution to everything. There is no problem in the Tau that cannot be overcome by repetition. If one relic fails you, then do another, and another and another!”

“Yo momma.”

“Of course. Mod, relics, arcanes… these are things that can improve life. But they can only grow from repeating the mundane tasks of life. But by repeating the simple things we advance the complicated parts.”

Früd was happy. This one got it. “Yo…” he said, and then retreated into his shell. The session was over.

The Tenno bowed, deep, in respect. Lession learned, it was time to get back into the rotation.

For the rest of the line of the cult of Früd, they had to wait until tomorrow to learn how to better themselves. Unless they had a carrot.

Edited January 22 by Finkelfantomen
Fixed some spelling.