Seqan Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I saw this the other day and thought it was hilarious and completely relevant to this community as well. Full credit to Sapience of Lord of the Rings Online for writing this. By: Sapience Please keep in mind; the measurements below are highly accurate (as are their relationships to each other). However, the descriptions are for entertainment purposes only. Unless you win money, then you owe me 10%. NOW! Never gonna happen! At some point in the future (also; At some point) We’re in pure Nostradamus territory here. We have a magic 8 ball and even it said, “Ask again later”. In the future This isn’t going to happen during any variety of soon you care to use. In fact, it’s pretty far out there. Not as far as ‘at some point’, but we’re certainly not suggesting you book vacation time just yet. We’re probably talking about something that is possible within the current time line. Assuming, of course, the Mayans, Vikings, and 47 other random stone carvings were wrong and we’re still here after all that crazy ‘end of the world’ stuff. In the near future This is absolutely, positively, without question, a possibility. In fact, it might even be a real possibility. But as to when, we’ll have to get back to you on that one. Soon™ No lie. It’s going to happen. It’s going to happen really freakin’, like, eventually. But it will happen! “Soon” It’s official! We have given consideration to a possible date and we now have several possibilities! Soon We’ve narrowed the date down to something within the calendar year! soon No really, we have a date now! It’s even penciled in on a calendar somewhere! MoreSoonerish We have a date, and we’re probably going to tell you what that date is…soon! Incredisoon OK! We’re done messin’ around. We have a date, we’ve found the calendar we wrote it on, and we are going to tell you. Like right freakin’ shortly! Seriously! Tomorrowish-esque™ This is going to happen within the next 24 hours. Give or take some random number of hours which may or may not exceed an amount equal to the number of miles between the reader and the International Date Line divided by 163.97241. Unless the person is actually standing on the International Date Line at the time of reading, in which case the world will end in a cataclysmic divide by zero error and none of this will matter anyway. This is all barring any conflicts with ‘The Schedule’, of course. As soon as possible Time being the slippery thing it is, this has quite probably already happened. If not, it is very likely to happen while someone is typing up the message telling you when it will happen. Assuming, that it is in fact possible. Modifiers, adjustments, and other fun stuff. Capitalization As a general rule, capitalization will tip you off as to a measurement’s place in time. Capital letters denote a longer period of time than lower case letters. This applies to all uses of capitalization when dealing with time. Thus Soon is longer than soon. Likewise, MoreSoonerish, Moresoonerish, and moresoonerish are all incremetally shorter periods from longest to shortest. TM and its uses; The notorious ™ has very specific meanings. It denotes a longer period of time than the word or phrase would otherwise represent without the addition of the ™. “Quotes" The use of quotes, like the use of TM and Capitalization has specific meaning. It is another measure of extending the noted period of time. Though it denotes a shorter extension than either ™ or Capitalization. Combined notation When you see a combination of modifiers (™, quotes, and capitalization) you must consider the impact of all modifiers on the base measurement. The more modifiers, the larger the expansion of time from the base measurement. Addendum A: Spooky Stuff It’s on schedule This relates exclusively to a highly theoretical method of calculating time commonly referred to as, ‘The Schedule’. The Schedule is part of an emerging understanding of time called Quantum Sapience Time. Schedule Time has the amazing ability to exist, not exist, and potentially exist or not exist all at the same instant. It is only the act of observing The Schedule that forces it into a fixed state in which the normal rules of Sapience Time apply. This is commonly called “entanglement”. Entangling one’s self with The Schedule is a very risky proposition as it can lead to temporal disorientation. Especially as it does not require one to be in any physical proximity to The Schedule. Albert Einstein himself referred to this as “Spooky action at a distance.” Addendum B: Backward Causality: We told you so Any attempt to look back upon or view the flow of Sapience Time from a future point will amplify and enhance the predictive and pre-deterministic nature of soon. The effect of this observance is to reveal the perfect accuracy of all predictions within the fabric of the Sapience Time Continuum. In short, the act of releasing content will cause the time line to become self-evident and clearly predictive of the exact moment in the future at which the release will happen when viewed from that future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OniDax Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) WAT? Sure, it's relevant. As long as it's actually what DE means by SoonTM... Edited June 9, 2014 by AntoineFlemming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-Sama Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Patience...virtue...etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erelas Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Ha! Nice find, I miss the Lord of the Rings Online, use to know all the Devs personally but it has undergone tremendous change and Turbine no longer responds to its player base like it use to, Sapience had a big job there, props for that workload. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seqan Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) WAT? Sure, it's relevant. As long as it's actually what DE means by SoonTM... Well, everyone jokes about the "soon" thing here so I thought that would be a good laugh... Patience...virtue...etc... Um, what? Ha! Nice find, I miss the Lord of the Rings Online, use to know all the Devs personally but it has undergone tremendous change and Turbine no longer responds to its player base like it use to, Sapience had a big job there, props for that workload. I hate Turbine. Friggin Warner Brothers has the worst customer support ever. Don't get me started on that rant... We'll be here until October. -_- Game's good though. I really enjoy it. Edited June 9, 2014 by Seqan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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