Railjackers: A tv show taking place in a slightly altered Warframe world.

[Brinstar7777]

This is an idea that I've been contemplating for a while now. Basically, it's a humorous adventure show which is probably what you'd get if you crossed Star Trek: Below Decks with Order of the Stick, and centers around the adventures of the crew of a Railjack known as the TIN Intercourse.

The Cast:

Mag 

Mag is the engineer aboard the Intercourse and is the one who “actually holds the ship together while you guys go blast ships to smithereens and slice enemies to bits.” She has the attitude of someone forced to work with people who wouldn’t be friends. Her chosen weapons are the Boltor, the Afuris, and the Bo. 

Excalibur

Excalibur is the ship’s gunner and isn’t as knowledgeable in certain things as other members of the crew due to a rushed cryo-purge. He’s childish and naive as a result and is used as an exposition tool occasionally. His chosen weapons are the Pangolin Sword, Despair Daggers, and a little-used Braton Vandal. 

Volt

Volt is the ship’s pilot and is as impulsive and energetic as a child that just guzzled one metric shirt-ton of sugar in a single sitting. His impulsiveness gets the crew into trouble as much as it gets them out of trouble. His chosen weapons are the Gorgon MG, the Viper MP, and a Furax. 

Limbo

Limbo is the ship’s tactician and speaks using very large words and formal language, much like a stereotypical british gentleman. He used to work for the Tophat Gang (see below), but would like to put that behind him. The Tophat Gang itself has other ideas, though. His weapons of choice are the Flux Rifle, the Detron, and a Galvacord. 

Cephalon Syco

Syco is the Intercourse’s cephalon, and contrary to what his name implies, he’s far from psychopathic. He’s a pessimist who occasionally makes use of dry humor, and frequently refers to enemies as ‘optimists’ and ‘amateurs’; this is basically Cephalon Cy, only fleshed out into a full-blown character. His previous crew met a messy end during a suicide mission; he doesn’t like to talk about it.

Added Factions

Tenno Interstellar Navy (TIN) 

This is far from the scattered group of lone warriors that make up the Tenno in the original game. They have a sizable fleet and a major presence in the system, and they're led by the Lotus. The Lotus, due to the fact that she leads a full-blown galactic faction now, is a little less present, and members of the Tenno High Command often act in her place. As of the start of the show, the tenno aren't aware of the Operators; they assume they're some sort of bizarre energy beings that can possess and manipulate warframes.

The Tophat Gang

This corpus subgroup has an odd hat fetish and is basically the corpus we know and don’t love clad in the trappings of the Russian mafia. Their HQ is a hat-shaped casino station, and their leader is a humanoid robot named Mr. Oculus. 

[Brinstar7777]

A sample script for an episode.

Ep. 1 Meet the crew

The episode opens with a flashing red console and the wail of an alarm. The view cuts to the rest of the ship. Sparks are flying everywhere, hull breaches are visible, and Mag is frantically patching hull breaches. 

Syco: Limbo has his hands full with a bunch of optimists! Ex-

Volt: Wait, what?! Optimists are attacking?!

Syco: When I say optimists, I mean a boarding party!

Volt: …you call a grineer boarding party ‘optimists’?

Syco: Not the point! Excalibur, go assist Limbo in getting those amateurs OFF MY SHIP!

Excalibur: Aren’t you worried about the fighter cov-

Volt: INCOMING MISSILES! 

Cut to the external view. A grineer cruise ship has just launched a barrage of missiles. Thanks to some evasive maneuvering on Volt’s part, most miss, but a few hit the turret that Excalibur is using, destroying it.

Cut to Excalibur looking dumbfoundedly at the turret he was just operating.

Excalibur: Crud on a stick.

Roll intro sequence.

After the intro sequence, cut to Limbo battling a boarding party in the reliquary drive room. Excalibur joins him.

Limbo: Aren’t you supposed to be using our vessel’s weaponry to assist Volt in clearing the area of single-person-attack-craft? 

Excalibur: I was until said weaponry got blasted to smithereens.

Limbo: Oh. What exactly caused the untimely destruction of the turret this time? Volt inducing a destructive altercation between our vessel and an asteroid?

Excalibur: Actually, it wasn’t Volt’s fault this time. A missile barrage destroyed the turret.

Excalibur kills the final member of the boarding party.

Excalibur: Whew! Looks like that’s the last of the-

A grineer ramsled slams into the side of the room.

Excalibur: Boarders.

The ramsled door opens and out steps a Grineer guardsman wielding an Amphis.

Guardsman: I am Master Amp, master of the Amphis staff. Prepare to die.

Excalibur: Really? You’re named Master Amp? Who comes up with these names?

Excalibur whips out his Braton Vandal and begins firing away, only for Amp to knock it out of his hands. The view then cuts to a scene a short distance to the left. A flailing sword and an amp being swung are occasionally visible on the right edge of the shot.

Amp: Guns are for weaklings and cowards. In a proper duel, you get up close and personal with your opponent. You let them know you’re serious. 

Excalibur: AAGH! I’m not comfortable with being hit there!

Limbo rushes into the scene, brandishing a Galvacord.

Limbo: Then it should be rather obvious that I’m quite serious when I say that hits to the genitals are-

The view tilts sideways, knocking Limbo off his feet and sending Amp and Excaliber tumbling into view. Cut to external view, revealing that the Intercourse is being pursued by another salvo of missiles.

Syco: Volt, could you please at least try to-waitaminute!

The view zooms out, revealing that the Intercourse is heading straight towards a sizable grouping of grineer forces.

Syco: You’re actually flying TOWARDS the enemies?!

Volt: Yeah, so what?

Cut to a view of the large group of enemies as the Intercourse weaves through them.

Syco: SO WHAT?! Volt, the shields are down and we have multiple hull breaches! There’s no way the ship can withstand the damage we’re about to-

Then the stream of missiles following the intercourse catch up, slamming into the grouping of enemies and completely destroying them.

Syco: …not take. Okay, next time you plan on trying something like that, TELL THE CREW FIRST!

Volt: Sorry, didn’t realize the crew couldn’t read my mind.

Syco: …you know what, I’m just going to pretend you didn’t answer and check in on the crew. Limbo, Excalibur, how’s the situation?

Cut to view of the Drive Room. Limbo and Excalibur are still fighting Master Amp.

Limbo: Manageable, but only so by the smallest of margins. We’ve reduced the number of boarders to one, but the final infantry unit has turned out to be a bit of a handful.

Syco: Got it. Sending Volt over to assist you.

Excalibur: Isn’t there an unspoken rule of combat stating that shots to the private parts aren’t allowed?

Limbo: Yes. And there is also an unspoken rule about opponents only engaging with you one at a time. Given that Master Amp here apparently doesn’t respect the former rule, it’s only fair that we neglect to respect the latter. 

Suddenly, the back of the room explodes, creating a gigantic hole in the back of the room. All the oxygen, plus Master Amp and Excalibur, get sucked out into space.

Excalibur: AAAAAAAAAAA-!

A magnetized piece of hull flies towards the hole in the ship, shoving Excalibur back into the drive room and covering up the hole. The view zooms out, revealing Mag; she used her abilities to magnetize the hull piece and is holding it in place.

Mag: Are you okay?

Excalibur: My shielding is down, I have a splitting headache, and I hurt in places I didn’t even know I had, but other than that, I’m okay. 

Mag: Good, now equip an Omni and apply some sealant.

Limbo: Aren’t you supposed to be operating the molecular assemblers down in the engine room? 

Mag: Shut up and apply some sealant.

Limbo: Not to nag, but you didn’t-

Mag: I said shut up and apply some sealant!

Limbo: Okay, app-

Limbo pauses, looking at the piece of wreckage. The camera turns, showing the TENNO ARE BABIES graffiti on the piece of wreckage.

Limbo: Well, that’s certainly a very unflattering piece of-

Mag: FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A ROW, SHUT UP AND APPLY SOME SEALANT!

Limbo: Okay, okay, no need to shout.

Syco: What the heck was that explosion?
Volt: Sorry, I think a few missiles slipped through the enemies back there.

Syco: Okay, new crew rule. If you were being chased by a missile salvo a few seconds ago, check to see if all missiles in the salvo have been dealt with before stopping. Anyway, what’s the status of the Drive Room?

Excalibur: Master Amp has been dealt with, but we’ve lost the reliquary drive.

Syco: You’ve lost the reliquary drive?
Excalibur: Yes, we’ve lost the reliquary drive.

Syco: Are you SURE you lost the reliquary drive?

Excalibur: Yes, I am sure we’ve lost the reliquary drive.

There is a long pause.

Excalibur: Was the reliquary drive important?

5 minutes later…

Cut to a scene of the entire crew standing at the helm of the Intercourse.

Syco: -and that is why the reliquary drive is important! Without it, we cannot achieve Faster-Than-Light travel and are all SITTING DUCKS OUT HERE!

Excalibur: Can’t we replace it?

Limbo: We could if we were currently docked at a station capable of producing reliquary drives. Unfortunately, we are not.

Mag: And we can’t get to a station that can produce reliquary drives without a reliquary drive. 

Syco: ...correct.

Volt: Wait, if you can read Syco’s mind, then why didn’t you read mine?

Mag: …I can’t actually read minds. I just assumed the most inconvenient situation for us was the one we were in.

Excalibur: Okay, is there any way to acquire a reliquary drive outside of being docked at a station that can produce them?

Volt opens up a screen and begins looking through it.

Volt: Some random local game-show-thingy is offering it as a reward for winning.

Limbo looks over Volt’s shoulder at the screen.

Limbo: That isn’t ‘some random local game-show-thingy’. That’s The Index.

Volt: So what?

Limbo: So what?! It is the most violent and lethal blood sport in the known universe, injury, dismemberment, and death are par for the course, and the only people who play it are cutthroats and criminals who have no moral compass! If I have any say in this, then we are not risking life, limb, and our credits on-

Cut to a shot of Cephalon Sark on screen. 

Sark: -THE INDEX!!! In corner one, we have a team of veterans who call themselves “Death To Your Hat!” And on the other side, we have a group of newbies just getting into the game; they call themselves “The Crew of the TIN Intercourse!”

The camera swivels towards the crew.

Limbo: And I don’t have any say in this, do I?

Mag: Look, this is the quickest and easiest way to get a reliquary drive. The other options were much, much worse.

Limbo: Fine. Just remember that we’re fighting amoral no-do-gooders who will do anything to succeed, regardless of if the rules forbade it or not.

Sark: Given that the Crew of the Intercourse is new here, I think they could use a little refresher on the rules. Each time you kill an opponent, they drop a point! The more points you carry, the more each individual point is worth. If you die, however, you drop all your points! At any time, you can deposit all your points at their current value by touching the enemy base! Each game has a 3-minute timer. The team with the most points when the timer runs out wins! Got the gist of the game?
Volt: Uhh, could you repeat that?

Sark: Excellent! Ready! Set! MASSA-!!!

The image suddenly freezes. Mag and Excalibur appear.

Excalibur: We’re stopping? Now? Right at the beginning of the match?!

Mag: Look, this is how these sorts of shows work. You have a problem with it, go message the creator.

Roll credits.