Space Ninja Suspected In Murders

[Moderius]

Late Friday night, the Tethys location on Saturn was invaded, ransacked, and subjected to several brutal murders, including the General Sargas Ruk, who was slain after a prolonged and difficult struggle with the assailant.

 

Eyewitness accounts describe the perpetrator as a "Stealth Jerk" and "Fashion Disaster". Among the charges, countless acts of vandalism and petty theft, as well as repeated littering violations. "This guy, he comes in, shooting that gun of his. And every time he kills a few guys in a room, he reloads the gun, just dropping the clip. I mean, come on! Some of us have to live here!"

 

Clean-up crews were clearing the charred remains of bodies, wounds caused by what on-site examiners call "jerk fire bullets from an idiot gun", dismissing the wounds as "about 378 lucky shots". They examined each discarded clip, noting that some had only fired 4 or 5 bullets before being replaced. "Really, the guy was really neurotic about reloading. Clearly a disturbed individual."

 

Unceremoniously dumping the meaty chunks of the slain Lancers over the side of a railing, one of the Shield-bearing Lancers shrugged in deference to the attacks. "This guy came in to the room, chopping away with these swords. He was really bad at it! He kept, like, pausing every now and then, and then chopping a few more times, then he would start swinging again. He seemed determined to try and kill us with those things, chasing us up and down.." Kicking a severed hand into the pit, he shrugged. "It looks like he never had used those swords before, which is pretty insulting, considering how many people he just clumsily slaughtered."

 

Others were hard-hit by the intruder's thieving. An interviewed Scorch gave his statement while pacing uncomfortably. "I mean, we don't make much in the way of credits. But I've been saving and saving, trying to get enough for a procedure. I met this Scorpion a while back, but she was cloned without a face, so we've been trying to get money to have one grafted on." He shook his head, gesturing to the empty locker in the corner of the room. "But this guy! He just comes on in and opens my stuff, takes all my credits. I even had a health orb saved up, just in case, but he left that. I don't think it was because he was being thoughtful. I think the jerk just already had full health." 

 

 

"There goes the neighborhood, you know?" Corpus troops from a nearby location shook their heads in muffled conversation. "I mean, sure, you've got the Grineer, who are genetic abominations, they're always shooting at us, and I think they've done some pretty unmentionable things in some of our helmets. But the Tenno! They don't even buy anything!" Several mumbles of agreement arose from the small group.

 

Pointing to the far window, the Technician drew attention to the metal shutters in place. "Had a small group come by, usual stuff, killing our guys, shooting all the cameras and pillaging our ship. But this one guy!" He waves his arms toward the damaged windows. "He just shoots the window out! We're in space, idiot! All of his allies were in the room, and the Tenno exposed them to the merciless vacuum of space! I mean, yeah, the Tenno were the ones who eventually closed the shutters, but.." He shrugged, offering what one can only assume was a glare (the Helmets made it difficult to tell) to another, smaller Crewman. "For some reason the Tenno are better at using our control panels than our guys. Whenever we lock them out, it never lasts."

 

"I don't know why we don't just lock all the doors, really" one of the smaller pod crewman offered. "And we have these lasers, and we can go right through them, but we don't keep them on. I think it's just because it's expensive."

 

 

 

General Ruk corroborated many of the stories from the open room where he spends his time. He answered our questions with stilted speech, clearly disturbed by the incident. "Oh, yes. Tenno came in, murdering all of my Lancers. Very rude. I waited for him.." Ruk gestured to the platform he spends most of his time standing. "Waiting for him to come and fight me. Took a long time, I think he was lost, the Tenno."

 

Sargas Ruk then waved the barrel of his arm-mounted flamethrower at the ground, spraying fire across the floor. "I did this when he showed up. It's like an invitation! Red Carpet, but the carpet is fire." He chuckled in his hoarse, strained voice. 

 

When questioned about the fight itself, Ruk shrugged. "I threw a lot of fire at him. After a few hits, he would run away, and then come back after several seconds. I would keep throwing fire until my pack popped open, revealing the vulnerable inner reactor." He patted his one hand against the barrel grafted to his other arm. "After a while, he shot all of my weak points, and then he killed me. Very rude."

 

Prompting the General in regards to his death, he laughed in his unearthly way. "Well, we just cloned me again. It's a very efficient process. Every clone gets to watch how their predecessor dies, and promise 'I won't make that mistake!', but we always do. Ha ha, we never learn."

 

Leading us to a corner, he directs our attention to a pile of bodies. "This guy came back five, six times. Every time one clone was just getting his feet under him, scraping the predecessor's body into the corner, Tenno comes, starts shooting again." A raspy sigh accompanies a light kick to the pile of corpses. "The last Ruk thought he killed the Tenno, but Tenno just got right back up. Would have been heartbreaking.." He raps his flamethrower against his metal chest plating. "But heart is mostly mechanical anyway."

 

Before he could answer any more questions about the incidents, General Sargas Ruk had to respond to an alarm. "Oh, that's another Tenno. The alarms are disabled now, but I know it is." He gives us a dismissive wave of his flamethrower. "I have to go taunt him over the radio until he comes and kills me."

 

 

 

Warframe Text Adventure I: https://forums.warframe.com/index.php?/topic/239110-warframe-the-text-adventure/

Edited May 31, 2014 by Moderius

[OptimumBow0]

Class clown of the forums, that's for sure.

 

Keep 'em coming, Mr. Moderius!

[Entari0]

this is gold. keep it up! :D

[Moderius]

SAFETY CONCERNS RAISED ON CORPUS SHIP

 

Several members of the Corpus were interviewed today, after another violent incident on one of their ships. At the scene of the carnage, work had begun to repair the damage caused, crews dispatched throughout the crippled ship. However, the main cause of concern was the ship-wide conditions that led to the violent attack aboard the Corpus freighter.

 

"Och yeah, this guy came running in here, spinning like a top, boy howdy. And he was just running through in a big hurry, yeah?" One crewman leaned against a wayward stack of boxes, having removed his helmet for a statement. "I tell ya, he was bleedin' scootin' and spinnin' and helicopterin' right through the room. It was right awful."

 

When questioned about his unusual speech, the crewman patted the helmet tucked under his arm. "Oh ha! That's why we wear these 'ere helmets. It filters our ridiculous accents and jollies it into a soothing muffle, y'see." Gesturing down the hallway, he motions toward several technicians milling about, walking slowly around some boxes. "Some'a the boys just walk around yelling all manner'o profanity, but ye cannae hear it. Me, I'm usually asleep inside the helmet, jus' proppin' meself against the wall, ye cannae even tell."

 

"I mean, do you even see any &^$%# beds around here? We have to sleep standing up like a bunch of ^%$^%#& dancing in a @#$%@." Another crewman raps the side of his helmet against of an adjacent locker. "See all these locked @#%@ing lockers? Blokes &^$%# sleeping in these. Sometimes we sleep in the Moa compartments. They're actually kind of @#&$#ing comfortable, but they don't lock from the inside. %^#$!"

 

A brief tour of the ship's decks included no crew's quarters at all, leaving the crew to find alternatives for their down time. "Murfle Mfmfmhhmm. Fmmbba!" One crewman, refusing to remove his helmet, waves toward a pair of hovering Ospreys with a hammock slung between them. 

 

Another leads us to a locker room, prooding one of the hanging suits. "Me, I be makin' me place here. When I get me shut-eye, nobody be botherin' ye, n'even them dirty Tenno think you're an empty suit. Arr." 

 

When probed about the lack of a cafeteria or mess hall, a racuous response of muffled cursing arose, before eventually dying down at the behest of a technician. "Well, we do have food on the ship, but.." Moving to a nearby terminal, he presses several buttons. "Basically every control console is a vending machine. Almost all of 'em! Tenno come in here, they use these things to hack our system, and somewhere on the ship it spits out fifty ham sandwiches." He offers a shrug. "Every time the doors lock, we end up flooding some chamber or another with Nef Anyogurt."

 

"Don't get us wrong, the sandwiches are #$%#$ing great. My favorite was Tuna Salad V, but they stopped making it. #&@#! They still have Corpus Cola though. That's good #$."

 

Additional concerns were raised about the docking bays that the Tenno use to escape on a regular basis. These additions to each ship serve no other purpose the technicians could determine; it was not sized for their own craft or equipment. "I nary be seein' the purpose in such a daft thing, but then we get ta thinkin', who wants these Tenno to stay? Ne'er anybody! Mostly we just want them to go away an' stop smashing our stuff." With a wave of his hands, the Technician scuffs his boot against the floor paneling. "Tha council says 'Capture the Tenno' but the buggers are all fire and poison and stabbing! I'ma no getting killed unless I be seein' some of that profit meself!"

[Nero9937]

Dear OP. I request you to write in the daily lotus. I shall remain informed about those vandals... They stole my greedy milk !

[(PSN)LeviathanTM]

belongs in rpg thread maybe? 

[Alice-Proxy]

[jjpdn]

OMG. So good.

[Moderius]

My topic got moved. 

 

Why did that happen.