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Trading And You! (A Tongue-In-Cheek And Rather Unflattering Description Of The Trading Chat)


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Long post warning!


Imagine walking into an unfamiliar bar, in a neighbourhood you’ve never been to before. Imagine, while you’re at it, that it’s packed wall-to-wall, that everyone in it speaks to no one in particular using oddly clipped sentences, parts of which you recognize as being vaguely English, and that every so often two of the patrons engage in a bizarre form of wrestling, the aim of which seemingly to jam their hands into the other’s pockets and remove as much of a confusingly beguiling silvery substance, before parting ways and returning to their conversations with thin air.


Welcome to Trading, loves. Might as well order something, you’ll be here a while.


If we are to continue with the bar analogy, it’d be a good idea to describe the cliques in it.


The large mob in the middle is composed largely by seasoned traders. Bearing scars from exchanges gone bad, looking gaunt due to their valuable mods becoming rather less so after a patch, hoarse from hocking their wares and generally ill-humored, they’re the main inhabitants of Trading. They engage in a unique ritual with each other, where the seller overcharges, the buyer lowballs, and after much song and dance (sometimes quite literally) they end up arriving at a price that’s just about what the item is actually worth.


The traders know their mods, their parts and their prices, and will swarm, shark-like, upon those who do not.


Smoothly segueing from that, I turn your attention to the small group on your right; looking confused, lost and slightly afraid at the hungry stares received from the middle group, they are the naïve newcomers. Bearing valuable cargo and armed with precious little knowledge of its worth, they are like to be preyed upon, not so much robbed as methodically raided by traders with little pity and fewer scruples (yours truly amongst them), who will gently coo assurances that yes, truly, five platinum is more than enough for that stance, nevermind what the chat says.


The newcomers will soon lose their naïveté, and will quite likely transition into the trader’s group, made wary and untrusting by this first encounter, unwilling (and unlikely!) to be scarred once more. With this new attitude, and a bit of luck, riches are sure to follow.


Silkily segueing once more, I now ask you to observe the crowd on your left. Standing opposite to the newcomers, clad in brand-new gleaming golden gear, pockets chockfull of platinum and oblivious to the heavy breathing and drooling they induce in traders around them, they are the nouveau riche of Warframe, the platinum purchasers.


Counterparts to the newcomers, possessing occasionally alarming quantities of currency but little in the way of mods, weaponry and knowledge of prices, they and their wealth are quite often given the same genteel treatment by the traders as their foils. However, the purchasers are generally able to weather their losses with more ease than the newcomers, and thus tend to continue spewing oodles of platinum, much to the traders’ collective joy.


Moving on, segue-less this time, I will direct your sight to some of the minor gatherings in Trading: First, standing near the door, laden with cheap goods and high expectations, are the newbies, who attempt to mingle with the traders to no avail, getting nothing but dirty looks and derision.


Next are the beggars, darting in and out of the mob, looking for either scraps of platinum or for the few kind-hearted traders that will accept their meager wares, the thought of a brand new Syandana keeping them strong in the face of constant rejection.


Then there are the silent sellers, waiting at the bar with a carefully feigned air of indifference that shatters into an Olympian-like brawl to reach the one patron that expressed interest in purchasing something they happen to have in stock.


Over at the back you can see the jokers, who will call out obscene offers and ridiculous prices, to the amusement of no one in the vicinity.


Last, and quite certainly least, are those who wander into the bar by mistake, advertising business unrelated to Trading, promptly ejected by the ever-present bouncer, who, by the way, happens to have a love for Hattaway.


So, with all introductions made and all groups accounted for, once again I welcome you to Trading. Enjoy your drink, watch the traders yell at the ceiling, and remember: it’s a madhouse here.



Trade chat is entertaining.

Edited by DeadlySurgeon
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... the ever-present bouncer, who, by the way, happens to have a love for Hattaway.

Who isn't present in Oceania, where the bar is quite deserted, except for the almost mechanically repetitive off-key singers and 'comedians' who provide cringeworthy and unoriginal late-night entertainment for the unfortunate few who happen to pass by the bar on their way to Region.

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Copied, pasted, and engraved into the most precious inner workings of my mind.

*Steps away from the bar after eating some platinum salted escargot

This will keep me going.

This will be the first thing I see each space morning.

This will be the paper I read over space breakfast.

This will be the vanquisher of all space shadows.

This will echo laughs for space ages.

This, is my space reality.

Thank you good sir, this was most indubitably a very entertaining read.


And oh, how intricately did you described me so.

Well good day to you sir, may fortune continue to smile upon us both.

*Walks out of bar in Excal Prime with a suit and bo prime cane.

*Tips loki prime helmet off, and stumbles out in a drunken stupor.

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well done...but the unflattering bit may have been unnecessary...i don't think there's anything flattering that can be said about trade chat besides it can be perhaps entertaining...like those reality shows of hillbillies, rednecks and dysfunctional celebrity/temp celeb families.

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Have you ever considered writing a short story OP? I think you would be very good at it. also I enjoyed reading your post a lot. the extreme detail really added a lot of flavor to it.


also vasteran is sort of right when it comes  to Oceania chat. when it is deserted though. when its not ive found some really nice outstanding people after I got invited to there dojo's. and I don't think ive gotten ripped of either yet.

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