Origins - First Attempt At A Fan Fict.

[Arkantos]

So I generally don't write that much anymore, but I had trouble sleeping last night and had this scenario sort of burst into my head. I wrote it down immediately when I got up this morning. There is more that I haven't written down, but I am just curious to see what people think of this. If people enjoy it, I may do more. The time placement is when the Orokin civilization is alive and active.

 

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A lone figure strode into the room, clad in purple vestments. Her eyes were hidden underneath a large mask, and her composure exuded a sense of superiority.  In front of her stood a man completely and utterly still, clad only in loincloth. She stopped in front of him and stood for a few moments, analyzing him with a piercing and cold gaze.

               

                “You have passed the trials and augmentation process. Congratulations, Tenno.”

               

                “I wish to have my blade, representative.”

 

                “In time…Tell me who you are.”

               

                “I am Tenno. I have neither name nor body.”

 

The Lotus tilted her head just faintly to the side and smiled with an imperceptible twitch before replying.

               

               “You are wrong, Tenno. You are the first son of a primarch. Your father has helped to spread our word across Sol. Your father, being a politician, was forced to make an agreement. You, Tenno…You are the product of that deal made many moons ago. In exchange for not following the path of the warrior, his first born would become the property of the Lotus. And at last we have witnessed the glory you bring us. You have survived the biomechanical enhancements and live fire training, as well as proven yourself a strong, and cunning specimen. I wish to know, are you aware of what your name is?”

 

The man’s face hardened as if facing another trial on the fields, unyielding and resolute.

 

               “I have no name. I am Tenno.”

 

The Lotus grinned like a predator stalking dying prey, and leaned close.

               

               “I watched your trials. I have seen what you wish to hide, as all humans do. I have witnessed you run your blade through the skulls of your enemies, and I have seen the ferocity hidden within you. I know of the other as well. The trait you keep locked up, hidden from the world. I have watched as you slid seamlessly from the role of vengeful god into a savior of your squad. You willingly jump back into battle with grace to save the fallen, and then return; filled with vengeance. I know of that moment of hesitance you had before you executed her. You both had gone through so much, but you committed your duty when you discovered what she truly was. You hide great rage and compassion. “

 

Lotus leaned in closer, her lips nearly brushing the subject’s face.  “Your name is Excalibur…”. The Lotus tilted her gaze upward, following the structure of the subject’s face. The Lotus grinned as she studied the Subject’s cranium, and then whispered the words all warriors dream of.

                                               

              “You shall be Tenno, and you shall be ours.”

Edited July 19, 2013 by Arkantos

[BraveDude8]

 

 

Lotus leaned in closer, her lips nearly brushing the subject’s face.  

 

kissy

 

Anyways, considering we have nothing to base it on... I like it.

Edited July 19, 2013 by BraveDude8

[Destro6677]

I like it. It's good.

[NoirProxy]

I like the concept but it goes against the personality portrayed on the Lotus in-game. Lotus is too informative and mechanical to be a seductive temptress though the idea of maybe different Lotus having unique personalities might be cool.

 

Other things like "Run your blade through the SKULLS of your enemies" seems out of place even if she was of that personality type. Just poor wording I guess. I know, I know it's your first time writing fan fiction for this but it is still food for thought.

 

Also there are some punctuation issues that need looking into.

Edited July 19, 2013 by NoirProxy