Out Of Frame: The Everyday Lives Of The Tenno

[Doozy84]

So... my question is what her "unique skill set" is...

 

Just being a bad cover girl that picks up weekend Muay Thai wouldn't get her recruited >.>

 

WHO THE HELL IS THIS A******?

I was all-colony champion of women’s muay thai on saturn for 3 years running. I had belts from 5 moons! I was doing muay thai professionally for 4 years before Lotus cherry picked me.

Then that Doozy idiot tells you all to post cats, and you do it? Is everyone from the 21st century mentally handicapped, or do you just have no respect?

Because if its the second one, I’m gonna make it the first one by kicking your heads in, and if you’re already the first one, good news- you’re probably already eating through straws anyways, so you aren’t going to be needing your teeth.

Nitrospectre, Fishworshipper- This is your only warning. If I see you on the street, I’m breaking your kneecaps and elbows.

FLIP THE COIN *@##$ COME GET DESTROYED. SATURN ALL COLONY 3 TIMES, I AIN’T GOIN TO JAIL, THE JUDGE WON’T HEAR ANY WITNESS TESTIMONY WHEN THE BANSHEE HITS SILENCE.

[Doozy84]

at Nyx's apartment...

 

NYX: Thank you for coming to see my Banshee, please have a seat.

BAN: No thanks, I’m fine standing.

NYX: Please I insist, sit down and make yourself comfortable.

BAN: No seriously, I don’t sit down if I can avoid it. I only sit down in restaurants and stuff, there’s no chairs in my apartment.

NYX: That’s strange...

BAN: No, its science. Human bodies aren’t built to sit on our butts, you can sit on your haunches, but not your &#!. When you sit down for long periods of time, your metabolism slows down, its like you’re sleeping. Sitting is terrible for your health. I don’t do it.

NYX: Some people might find that a little obsessive, dear. Do you insist on standing?

BAN: Some people aren’t the 3 time womens muay thai champion of Saturn, and yes, I insist on standing.

NYX: Well in that case, could you at least stop pacing?

BAN: No, this place feels like a shrink’s office.

NYX: Well dear, I am a professional. I guess it rubs off in my sense of decor.

BAN: I hate shrinks.

NYX: You wound me.

BAN: Sorry. I didn’t think you were a shrink. Wait, why did you invite me over?

NYX: Well, some of the nice folks are concerned you might have anger issues.

BAN: Concerned? That’s just a nice shrinky word for afraid.

NYX: My, aren’t we a little firecracker? Alright, we’ll use your word. Some of the nice folks are afraid you might have anger issues.

BAN: Oh really, do these nice folks have names?

NYX: That’s not important, dear.

BAN: I think its a little disingenuous that they don’t voice their concerns to my face, is all.

NYX: Well, I think they’d be afraid of having their faces kicked off if they did.

BAN: Good. What’s the problem?

NYX: That’s precisely the problem, dear.

BAN: That’s impossible. I don’t have anger issues, I just have a low tolerance for stupidity. It drives me up the wall! I’m nice to everyone that’s nice to me. All my neighbors think I’m this quiet, good natured lady.

NYX: You threatened to break the arms of 2 forum users the other day, dear.

BAN: I didn’t say that. I said I’d break their elbows and knees.

NYX: Semantics, dear.

BAN: Not when the ambulance gets there.

NYX: Moving on. You say you have a low tolerance for stupidity.

BAN: Yes! Is it wrong to have standards? Was eugenics such a bad idea? Who lets these people breed?

NYX: Wow. That’s another session entirely right there. Alright dear, let’s say that you can rationalize this behavior.

BAN: I totally can.

NYX: Can you prove beyond my doubt that everyone you’re mad at is actually stupid?

BAN: Well, naturally I can’t prove EVERYONE I don’t like is stupid, I haven’t met them and kicked their asses yet.

NYX: Ok, let’s just start with the people nearest you then, what do you think of your coworkers?

BAN: I like most of them. No problems. Except for 2.

NYX: 2?

BAN: First one’s Loki.

NYX: Everyone gets a pass on Loki, who is number 2, Nova?

BAN: Nah, I’m over her. She’s alright. Number 2 is you.

NYX: Me?

BAN: You don’t seem to trust me when I say I don’t have anger problems, just stupid people problems. I don’t like shrinks.

NYX: Well, let’s remedy that then, alright dear? How about the people you live with, your neighbors in your apartment complex?

BAN: It’s like a halfway home for the criminally idiotic. I’m moving next month, my neighbors drive me nuts.

NYX: Surely you can’t rationalize all of your problems as them? Tell me about it.

BAN: Well, my neighbor to my left just spent his whole month’s salary on lottery tickets, and now he’s whining that the textbooks and lab fees for his kid’s private school cost too much.

NYX: Okay, that is genuinely stupid.

BAN: My neighbor on the right thinks a government conspiracy is out to get him and he’s sabotaged half the television dishes on the complex’s roof, including mine, because he thinks they’re beaming down mind control waves through them.

NYX: Why does he think he’s the target of a government conspiracy?

BAN: Because it keeps me from watching the nightly news? How should I know? Oh wait, I remember- His car got towed and impounded, and he’s convinced the authorities are trying to hamstring his mobility in case he tries to flee.

NYX: Was there a reason his car was impounded?

BAN: Of course! The moron double parked in front of the hydrant in front of our building.

NYX: Alright, so he is an idiot.

BAN: The couple that lives directly above me has 4 children.

NYX: What’s wrong with that?

BAN: Well first, its a 1 bedroom. Second, they’re both purely blue collar and can’t afford kids, and third, the mother is pregnant, again.

NYX: Are they religious types that abhor birth control?

BAN: No, they’re just lazy welfare queens.

NYX: Well, I don’t think you can prove that dear...

BAN: I’ve seen them both leaving for work at different times of the day wearing polyester restaurant uniforms. They don’t have real jobs, at least not real jobs for supporting 4 kids. I have to assume it never crossed their minds to spend their tips on condoms.

NYX: Okay, so let’s say they are stupid then...

BAN: If you think the pullout method works, you’re stupid.

NYX: Fine.

BAN: That’s 3 for 3, doc.

NYX: Well, I’m sure you can’t go higher than that.

BAN: The kids themselves are just little junior carjackers waiting to take a stroll through the juvenile system.

NYX: Well that’s just mean.

BAN: No, seriously. One of them got caught on the CCTV cams writing graffiti in the hall. On his floor. In front of the security camera he walked in front of to get in and out of the apartment he grew up in every day of his life.

NYX: Well I’m sure it was just harmless crayon scribbles...

BAN: He’s 16. It was a can of automotive primer that he shoplifted from an autozone up the street.

NYX: That is stupid.

BAN: 4 for 4.

NYX: He’s just a child, dear. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

BAN: He’s been arrested twice! At night! With police officers tromping up and down the stairs while I’m trying to sleep!

NYX: Do you think maybe you live in a... not so good neighborhood?

BAN: I live 3 blocks up the street from here. The trailerpark family is in your borough. The stupid tagger kid’s wannabe gang sign is on the corner of your building!

NYX: Is that what that is?

BAN: Yes!

NYX: So he’s the little punk that’s been threatening to lower property values around here? This neighborhood is supposed to be upscale!

BAN: Oh, now that it involves your investment, its ok to be mad?

NYX: I’m not mad, that little brat really is a hoodlum!

BAN: Now you understand what I’m dealing with!

NYX: Let’s get back on track though... You can’t literally be surrounded by stupid people. Its statistically impossible. Some of these issues have to come from your own behavior.

BAN: And when that happens, I’ll admit it, but it hasn’t yet!

NYX: Well I just don’t think that’s true dear, your behavior illustrates it.

BAN: If I’m angry its not because I have a problem, its because nobody believes me when I tell them why I’m angry! Believe me, I can go 5 for 5!

NYX: 5 for 5?

BAN: The oldest of the 4 is in Juvie right now. He’s 17. He got arrested for mugging someone.

NYX: Who?

BAN: The doorman of our apartment complex!

NYX: Banshee, I think perhaps I do owe you an apology. Your anger is entirely rationalized.

BAN: Thank you! Finally... I still do hate shrinks though.

NYX: Why?

BAN: I don’t want to get into that with you, its childhood baggage. When I was a kid there’s a chance I may have actually had anger issues...

[Doozy84]

 

 

BAN: Oh hey Ember, I found an old set list, I thought you’d get a kick out of it.

EMBER: Oh really, thanks.

SARYN: Set list? You were in a band, Banshee?

EMBER: You weren’t here when she said it, she was in this goofy little novelty act called NYMPHOTRON.

BAN: Please don’t say that out loud.

SARYN: HOLY S#&$, YOU WERE IN NYMPHOTRON?

BAN: Huh?

SARYN: Oh my god, you’re Miss Behavior!

EMBER: ...what?

BAN: It was a stage name. We did a whole Village People thing. There was Penny Sillin the sexy nurse, Jackie Hammer the sexy construction worker, and I was Miss Behavior, the biker *@##$.

EMBER: That’s so classic.

SARYN: Holy S#&$ I can’t believe it was you the whole time, can I have that set list? Can you autograph it?

EMBER: Hey, she brought it for me, Snow White!

SARYN: I will fight you for this.

EMBER: Woah! Easy, killer.

BAN: I actually had fans?

SARYN: Is that a joke? NYMPHOTRON was a cult hit in the fetish community. We had costume and karaoke nights. You guys had your own fetishwear fashion movement. We used to go to your shows and record them and bootleg NYMPHOTRON albums all over the internet.

BAN: We were a novelty act. We didn’t have albums.

SARYN: The fans cut and edited them themselves! Some of them were really pro!

BAN: You’re kidding right?

EMBER: I dunno, Saryn is supposed to be a big deal when it comes to weird sex S#&$. What’s on the set list anyways?

BAN: Just our usual S#&$. A cross-genre hit list of every dirty sex song. We had a keyboard and a drum machine, it didn’t always sound like the original band, but we got the beat and the high notes.

EMBER: Holy S#&$ you guys had Dio, Judas Priest, Alice Cooper, and fuckin Prince on the same set?

SARYN: I know, right?

EMBER: Sex over the phone? Is that a village people song?

BAN: About phone sex.

EMBER: That’s amazing. And you had Joan Jett and the Blackhearts?

SARYN: And AC/DC.

EMBER: This is so awesome. How come I never knew about you guys? Wait, why is Turning Japanese on this list?

BAN: Penny was asian so we usually did one gag asian song every set. It was usually either Turning Japanese or Little China Girl by David Bowie.

EMBER: DAVID FUCKIN BOWIE. I don’t get Turning Japanese though.

BAN: That song is about a guy masturbating to a picture of a Japanese girl.

EMBER: That’s what its about?

SARYN: Yea, he’s just cranking it to some candid photo of his girlfriend.

EMBER: Really? That’s awesome.

BAN: We used to jerk our mics during the chorus.

EMBER: How did I not know about this amazing monument to sex trash music?

SARYN: I am taking this to the dungeon and I am framing it.

BAN: I never knew I actually had... fans.

[Doozy84]

suddenly

 

 

EMBER: Jesus Christ these people are nuts sometimes.

VABS: How can you read this crap?

EMBER: Holy S#&$, where did you come from?

VABS: I’ve been here the whole time, you A******s were ignoring me. You never call.

EMBER: Hey, that’s not fair, we were just hazing the new guy... And ignoring you.

VABS: You were ignoring me? Oh. I get it. Yea, that’s fine. Maybe I don’t want to hang out with you nice people anyways.

EMBER: What? What do you mean by “You nice people”?

VABS: You know.

EMBER: No I don’t!

VABS: Well, you never ignored Nova when she was new, that’s another pretty white girl.

EMBER: Nova does insane damage! We couldn’t ignore her!

VABS: So you just call me up when you want to run Xini, is that it, Snow White?

EMBER: First of all, Saryn is Snow White. I’m more like Jessica Rabbit.

VABS: No, Melyssa Ford was the one true Jessica Rabbit, you’re just some Dukes of Hazzard white trash racist.

EMBER: Wait- What? I’m not racist!

VABS: Why else would you ignore the most important defenseman on the team, its not like I don’t babysit all your asses?

EMBER: Well your abilities were kind of screwy for awhile, and then I guess we just got used to ignoring you!

VABS: Uh-huh. So I had a little teething issues and you hang me out to dry?

EMBER: Honest, I didn’t even know you were...

VABS: Black?

EMBER: YES!

VABS: Why am I not buying that?

EMBER: Why would I lie?

VABS: I dunno, maybe because you’re that crazy &#! Fairuza Balk *@##$ in American History X?

EMBER: She was pretty up front about her racism in that movie...

VABS: And you pack of white supremacists weren’t when you were ignoring me?

EMBER: We’ve never even seen you out of frame before!

VABS: Because you never invited me across the street to the nice, white half of LA!

EMBER: What the hell does that even mean?

VABS: Read your history, *@##$! Am I too separate-but-equal over here?

EMBER: Well... Its just that the forums use a black background...

VABS: And that offends you so much, doesn’t it?

EMBER: And you have black text...

VABS: Why wouldn’t I have black text?

EMBER: It’s just that...

VABS: Oh. I understand what you mean.

EMBER: Yea.

VABS: I think I owe you an apology.

EMBER: You’re not one of those perpetually angry black guys?

VABS: What? Okay, now you owe me an apology again.

EMBER: Can we start over?

[Doozy84]

Who's that person? I'm curious...

 

First rule of Fight Club is do not talk about Fight Club.

First rule of Wizarding is do not talk about Wizarding to muggles.

First rule of kink scene is do not talk about kink scene.

 

Well, there were a couple ways Doozy could've played it. White-into-rap, Not-white-into rap (Latino/Asian/Black) etc etc.

 

So he chose the one that would allow for the most "burning" conversation subjects..hyuck.

 

P.S. Offtopic..I'm gonna campaign across the forums to destroy all ideas, hopes, and dreams of a "catframe" 

 

'The coming curse, the anti-Christ, I am the Watcher's Eye'

what's wrong with cat frame? I liked that concept.

[Doozy84]

Vauban is French though?

 

Do I look like a Royale with Cheese to you, sucka?

Have any of yall been to Earth lately? Europe is a Grineer parking lot. There hasn’t been a France for 2,000 years. There’s a Bass Pro Shop, a Taco Bell, and a reactor building facility that makes those little disco balls full of glow sticks that we always shoot up.

[Doozy84]

LOKI: WELCOME TO MY HOUSE OF PAIN!

Ask forth your silly questions, and I will humiliate and embarrass you with answers so profound, they will alter your entire perspective of existence!

[Doozy84]

oh well ... Loki which is the best joke you've done to Grineer, Corpus or Infested? D:

Switch teleported a shockwave moa into a pack of infested on a mission that had multiple enemy factions, then sniped the ancient corruptor in the pack, gas cloud killed the moa.

 

Have you ever managed to switch teleport outside an enemy ship?

There are sensor splines embedded in the hammerhead wings of all of my helmets that perform high-speed calculations to failsafe against teleportation collisions and disasters. However, even if they weren’t there, that could never happen because I am a ninja.

 

ohh, boy, this is gonna be gooooood.

ok, how 'bout this.

when you use radial disarm on things with no hands....how exactly do you get them to hold the the Prova, do you just jab it through their face?....on that note, where do you keep all the Provas( Provai, Prova?) when you need to disarm a whole bunch of big mean mother hubbards?

EDIT: spelling, wrong weapon

That’s not a Prova and where it goes on beings without hands is not appropriate to say on these forums. I can assure you, however, that it is highly embarrassing for the victims and their peers.

 

Loki how old are you?

Old enough to know you are probably up past your bedtime.

 

Will Volt forgive me, Loki? 

I'm so close to crying right now it hurts. 

You are a young adult male, probably between the ages of 14-17, seeking validation and recognition from individuals you hope are your peers on an internet forum. You will find no such succor here, and I recommend that you invest more effort in the material world instead of chasing phantasms of approval in a digital landscape.

 

Loki; in a previous part you literally nerfed the Despair, when will you do the same for all the other Despair knives? Many people love them, so breaking them would be hilarious.

Also, appologise to Banshee.

no.

[Doozy84]

Loki, do you speak Nadsat or any other languages for that matter? Which language is the best for trolling/pranking people, (perhaps yodelling, esperanto, interpretive-dance or binary-code)?

German is the pinnacle of pranking languages. It always sounds angry even when you're saying nice things, you find the strangest internet porn and club party memes, and then when you link them to people they have no idea what a shizer film is. Phenominal trolling. Naturally, I'm fluent.

 

What sorts of weapons do you tend to employ on missions, Loki? I'm partial to a Strun/Sicarus combo, with Dual Heat Swords for melee when I run a frame with your spec.

Anything but that "baby's first melee weapon," the Orthos.

 

Who has been the most fun to troll?

Loki.

 

I already told Doozy my age! I'm 21! He never told you? It's literally in this forum underneath the wave of pages.

I'm sorry, I must have confused you with another teenage sycophant. You all look alike.

 

When, where and how did you learn to be the god of all trolls?

From one of the greatest among our kind, Dockmaster Angwe, the hero of Menethil Harbor. He was a ganker, a griefer, and a troll, back in the wild days of the internet before people realized that trolling was something that people did for fun online. He was the original digital ninja. Google it.

 

Here's a few for you Loki.

 

#1: Please recount how you got Nova.

 

#2: Please recount how you got Vauban.

 

#3: Any particular reason you favor hammer head style helmets or is the extra space for the sensors honestly that appealing? grant it, taking into account sensor packages in sharks you couldn't have picked a better one than the hammer head (save for the great hammer head though honestly, not much difference other than size).

 

Also, If it was you in particular thank you for your assistance on Phobos against vor and krill. Much appreciated.

#1: Cranked up the brightness and the saturation on her suit's user interface. Fried her optics the first time she hit her ulti. We were 30 seconds into the mission. New record for in-mission trolling.

#2: Hotdog wiener shotgun slugs. Worked better than intended, which was funny in itself.

#3: The wider optic spread also grants superior peripheral vision.

 

Been a while since I checked up here.

Q&A time for Loki? Sweet.

 

First off, As an (amateur) writer to another (much better) writer, keep up the great work Doozy. It's always entertaining to come back and read these.

 

Onto the question!

 

We've all heard of the 'Stalker incident' Loki, so we know that somewhere in that frame, you care a little for your team mates, even if it is just repaying a debt. Mind telling us of any other times you have pulled off something amazingly awesome behind the scenes to protect or help your team mates outside of the frame? Perhaps something inside the frame, if you're more comfortable with that.

 

As someone who has seen you do some amazing work, I'm interesting in tales you have to tell. I should stop here to keep from going into TL;DR territory. Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance if I get an answer,

 

what?

I have lurked in this place for a great deal of time, another one of the Faces In The Window. Normally I Don't Talk to Strangers but at last I have become another victim of Overlove for the Twisted Invisible Wild One, and I must Stand Up And Shout. Good thing I was up late enough to catch this. I guess that's one of the perks of being of of the Night People.

 

Now then, to the actual questions:

 

1. What is the most interesting, amusing, or otherwise curious place you've successfully Switch Teleported someone (be it yourself, an enemy, or an ally)?

 

2. What does one such as you do in his spare time?

 

3. What is the most unexpected reactions you've encountered in response to one of your hijinxs?

 

4. Have you ever tried wearing your suit upside down, you know, for kicks? (*Subtly points to http://i.imgur.com/GAs2GX8.gif for reference.)

 

5. What was the most demanding (physically, mentally, or resource-wise; take your pick) prank you've pulled?

 

6. Do you have anyone, real or fictional, that you look up to or feel inspired by?

 

 

As an aside, might I just say that I absolutely adore your work Doozy. This thread is a prime cause of my deep affection for the Warframe community, and your brilliant writing is to blame. As such, I would like to curse you for taking up so much of my time with your wonderful stories, and thank you for that same reason. Cheers.

 

Furthermore to Solaurus, it may be late now but if I might offer a post-mortem suggestion, I would have gone with Prince's Sexy MF. I know for a fact it's still up on Youtube at present (and quite easy to find, though I shall not link for fear of foul word regulations). I believe it is a song that would suit Volt quite well.

 

1- A recurring death-loop in a grineer galleon parkour puzzle room.

2- There is no spare time. Trolling is a full time job.

3- Laughter.

4- Constantly.

5- The one I'm pulling right now.

LOKI! Do you agree with ash and ember that cheating is the only way to win?

He said to the professional griefer, troll, and ganker.

 

What are your plans about Nova?

 

Could you list the pranks(for each warframe) for which they hate you the most?

 

Vauban is kind of a Troll-Frame aswell, did you ever think to team up with him?

 

My last question. What will happen if the Necro-Warframe will become a better Troll-Frame than you? o.O

mentioned already.

Nope.

Nope.

Not possible.

[Doozy84]

Wow i havent heard that song in ages, ya know why? Cause we hot the bombs.

Anyway a question for loki:

What are your weapons of choice? I imagine they would be armour ignore to pop the windows while standing in another room but theres such a choice!

Anyone who pops windows is a miscreant.

 

Will Banshee ever forgive you?

Is there anyone who's still your friend/doesn't hate you?

What's your opinion on all the other Warframes?

she absolutely will not.

 

I certainly hope not.

 

Plea the 5th.

 

Dear Loki,

 

 Is there a secret behind your distinctive helmet designs? Is the hammerhead shark aesthetic merely cosmetic or does it have a seeecret function?

Also, What is your opinion on Boleros? (The hats)

explained. Hats do not fit on my helmets.

 

Loki,

 

2 questions and a comment:

 

1) What is your favorite secondary weapon?

 

2) How can your Decoy stand in empty space? I thought it was supposed to be fixed to a point of reference. Is it ninja magic or science? Either way, can we see it on Mythbusters?

 

Comment- I see you for what you are. You may hide who and what you are behind these cheap tricks and laughs, but I do know.

 

1- despair.

2-its magic i aint gotta explain S#&$.

Who do you like the most among your fellow tenno?

 

Banshee.

Hey Loki, what do you think about your alternate helmets? Both looks wise and functionality wise?

none of my abilities do any reasonable damage so they're all quite superfluous. It really comes down to, how long do I want decoy to last?

 

Loki are you a pervert who watches the others as the take off their frames?

 

only to see where they're hiding their wallets.

Loki, did you have anything to do with the creation of Windows 8 or the Xbox One? Because it totally seems like something you'd do to people.

 

only minors who don't have credit cards and steam accounts play on consoles. All the real adults from the 21st century forward pray to the one true god of gaming, The Gabe. May his golden crane lower him among us to dispense his summer savings.

Loki, what qualified you to become a Tenno?

What qualified YOU to become a tenno?

 

This thread is kind of messy at this point, reading through 80 pages trying to find the story posts is getting quite irritating.

 

Good job Doozy overall but i think this thread is done for me, unless you can somehow put the story arcs in one place. 

You're the ones squatting in it and muddying it up with your banter. It's blatantly obvious Doozy is a narcissistic A****** who doesn't care about any of your opinions.

[Doozy84]

 

Hey Loki, how many other frames have you trolled into never ever approaching the main gang?

What?

 

Mhmm...let me throw a question into the large mix. 

 You're on an island for vacation (hypothetical, not saying the Tenno ever do get vacation time.), if you only had enough spare room to pack a single book, what book would that be?

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

 

At least I contributed to the Q&A with that post. ;)
Also, what about a favourite quote Loki?

"A man's lust should eclipse his capacity or else Heaven's a lie."

 

Sir Loki, would you have any Grey Poupon?

 

indubitably.

[Doozy84]

Loki.... Oh this will be fun..

 

Have you ever had the idea to mock Volt, and call him by the name of 'Thor', or would he be 'king of the lightbulbs'?

 

Do you and Uncle Vauban get along as troll-frames, or do you have enmity or a competition?

 

Best prank against a group of Tenno, who were they, and what is it that you did to the poor suckers?

 

I know that you are not intimidated by the others, but if they ever managed to get ahold of you... and that is a very big IF... what would you do? They aren't exactly happy with your pranks.

 

What is the worst mission you have ever dealt with, as a Tenno?

 

Which do you prefer the most: being a Hammerhead, a Submarine, or a Manta Ray?

 

And last question for now... Will you ever try stalking the Stalker, and drive him more mad?

 

Last bit, as commentary: Loki, you are a magnificent bastard, and a true friend to Excalibur. I wish I had someone like yourself watching my back. Even if it meant I would have a 'kick me' sign there whenever you were around.

 

TLDR

Am I the only one who doesn't like Q&A sessions and finds that they smack of a lazy way to get away with not writing more content on the main story? Essentially filler?

he knows.

 

SHUN THE UNBELIEVER!

 

But this IS content. We get to know more about the character Loki, and of what story are you thinking? There has been no story so far =\

Yes.

I never thought hyenas essential.

 

Or maybe it will give the character more personality, so we can relate more to them. As posted above though, if you don't like it, don't read it.

 

They're crude, and unspeakably plain. But maybe, they've a glimmer of potential...

what do you think of the swindle helmet?

I do love the word swindle.

 

Loki?

 

Never.

Relate. Loki. Bahaha. Maybe if you're one of us Warbros.

If that is some kind of griefer clan that ridicules and trolls people, Doozy will want in.

 

Alright, I can see I've stirred up the DDF. I'll sit quietly now.

 

...if allied to my vision and brain.

Doozy

Defense

Force?

I know that your powers of retention

are as wet, as a warthog's backside...

 

[Doozy84]

Loki... I have but a couple questions for you.

 

When not "trolling" your fellow compatriots, what do you do in the meantime?

 

What prank(s) yielded the best and worst results for you?

 

What was your first prank?

I do not understand this concept, "When not trolling."

 

Loki, what is the best moment in your past before become a tenno, and after become a tenno?

 

and, what was your first mission as tenno? how good/bad it is? who are your first team? who are your favorite team member if you need a team for serious mission?

Plea the 5th.

 

Loki, Master troll, and Assassin extraordinaire, what is your most memorable kill?

 

Also what sort of music do you enjoy? 

Eff-I-Eff, FIF!

 

Drink of choice?

What's your time on the obstacle course, and have you ever trolled someone as they ran it?

What is switch teleporting like? It seems like it'd be disorientating till you'd get used to it.

Have you ever put a real potato inside any of your teammates gun because they asked for a catalyst?

 

my time on the obstacle course is instant. Wait for another tenno to get to the end, start the clock, switch teleport.

Loki, if you had to take one of your female coworkers on a date...

 

Who - would it be?

Why - her?

Where - will you take her out to?

What - pranks/nice things will you do/not do?

How - will you end your date?

I strongly believe in the idea that one should not date their coworkers.

 

Loki, you seem to have a deep bond due to help from Rhino and Cal helping you in school when you were being bullied, what would you feel if they shunned you in your first meeting out of frame or actually left you to die at some point in combat. I want you to be honest. Remember, you watch each others backs and now you can share your deeper emotion.

What?

 

Why do you like banshee so much? Is it her helmet?

Banshee is great.

 

loki. ever heard of goonsquad (basically a huge clan of griefers in EVE Online, and many other games) 

seems like you would do a good job as thier leader.

oh, and people are always asking you about your pranks of the other warframes. but what about the lotus?

I'm a troll. I know all about Something Awful.

[Doozy84]

Loki, What is the absolute most creative use for switch teleport?

stand next to a wall. Observe teammate with Ogris. Mark his rate of fire so that you know when he'll launch the next rocket.

 

switch teleport before he pulls the trigger, watch him frag himself point blanking a rocket into a wall.

[Doozy84]

I don't think you CAN prank Lotus. She's an omniscient AI that's managed to exist for thousands of years to let the Tenno out of cryosleep, so she'd certainly have some experience dealing with attempts to hack her.

 

Also, for Loki: Are you the one always forcing people's suit audio to blast Japanese taiko drum music? Is that a troll, or is it supposed to be a psychological warfare thing to frighten opponents? Whatever it is, I find it awesome.

 

 

 

is she an AI? we dont really know.

my theories is 

1. she's a rebel corpus who got tired of all of the fighting and wants to end it

2. she's the first tenno to wake up, a few years before the rest of them, and so was able to investigate what was going on, until she got hurt and now she wakes up the other tenno to stop the corpus, grineer, and infested. the reason for her never showing herself is her injury

3. a survivor of the grineer's invasion of earth.

the AI theory is new to me. but also makes sense.

 

• Before a recent update, the voice often referred to as the Lotus states at the end of some missions, "Good work Tenno, the Lotus will be pleased." hinting that the Lotus may be an organization rather than a single entity. This is recently changed to "I am pleased", stating the Lotus is in fact the speaker herself.

  or is she..

 

A WILD RHINO APPEARS

 

NO ONE CARES

[Doozy84]

Loki, you don't actually care anything about knowing the identity of the woman/computer that's repeatedly asking you to risk your neck for objectives that aren't ever elaborated on in terms of larger motive? It seems a bit odd to not be curious, or at the very least have some idea if you will be backstabbed by Lotus at any point...

NO ONE CARES

Loki:

Why is Banshee so great?

Why do you believe in not dating your coworkers?

Do you like sharks, because your helmet is the head of one?

How do you become a Tenno?

Banshee is Great. Banshee is Great!

What, did you not see what happened between Saryn and Frost?

Form follows function.

Stay in school, avoid drugs and alcohol, drink a glass of milk everyday, and mind your momma.

[Doozy84]

WHY IS BANSHEE SO GREAT???

*head explodes*

 

For reasons that if aren't now obvious, soon will be.

Loki, do you think you could take Deadpool on in a troll-off?

You people don't understand how trolls operate, do you? It's not a troll-off. We don't congregate on stages and have rap battles. Real trolls don't troll other trolls. It's like predators in nature, they don't fight each other.

Real trolls are all on the same team, regardless of whether they're horde or alliance, red or blue, pirate or corporate, empire or republic. The in-game factions don't matter. There is only one goal, grief the non-trolls. It's predators and victims, not crocodiles vs alligators. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you'll actually be able to play an online game without getting griefed.

[Doozy84]

Who said I meant trolling each other?  If there were some way to rate their performance, who would do better?  Indirect competition, not trolling each other.

You inferred it.

Still you do not understand. Which is why you will always be a victim, not a griefer.

Its not a competition, its a lifestyle choice.

[Doozy84]

How did you manage to troll Ash? I'd think his skillset would allow him to counter pretty easily...

you don't kill the batman, you kill what he loves.

[Doozy84]

... yeah, nah.  Bye

Have fun! And remember, friendship is magic!

Favorite melee weapon(s)?

Favorite primary firearm(s)?

Favorite sidearm(s)?

 

That you stole confiscated or that you employ, up to you.

 

stele? Anastasia Steele? That chick in the kinky sex book?

Other Tenno have mentioned Shooting enemies in the backside with bolt weapons for entertainment, do you support this course of action?

amateur hour.

 

Man you and Banshee are similar.

...and that's why you're both awesome!

 

WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE

Here's a riff on a classic...

If you could copy one power from one of your fellow Tenno, what would it be and what would you do with it?

Vauban's pokeballs.

[Doozy84]

But if I'm 21, and therefore not a teenager, how can I look like every other teenage sycophant?

 the punchline is that your behavior is childish and you keep coming back for more insults. Read between the lines.

 

If you could troll any one person THAT YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY- contemporary, historical or fictional- who would it be and how would you do it?

excellent question. Kanye West, or maybe Andy Warhol. Somebody famous and full of themself.

[Doozy84]

What's the most hilarious/creative thing you've seen one of the OTHER Tenno do as a troll, not necessarily towards you or each other?

You're about to find out.

[Doozy84]

As Loki walked into the room, he saw Banshee posting on the warframe forums.

“I can’t wait for my turn,” he said, his prow-like helmet bobbing up and down with glee, “there’s so much I want to tell everyone, so much I want to share. I know they all think I’m an enigma, and I’ve finally got this chance to show them the real me.”

“Yea, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Banshee said, “your window of opportunity just closed.”

“What do you mean? You sent me that reminder that said it started at midnight tonight and went on for 48 hours.” Loki shrugged.

Under her helmet, Banshee’s lips parted in a malicious grin. “You left your phone out on the bench in the locker room before you went on mission.”

“You did too.” Loki smiled.

“Yea, but this time, when I got my phone back, I checked to see if you were up to shenanigans. You didn’t. I saw the text from Doozy you hadn’t read yet, deleted it out of your history, put the phone back, and then sent you a reminder with the wrong date. I was counting on you assuming I wouldn’t feed you false information.” Banshee explained.

“I missed my Q&A session?” Loki asked, his voice cracking.

“You didn’t miss it, I did it for you, and I made you look like a total tool.” Banshee smiled.

“You... You... stole my Q&A. My one chance to meet the fans.” Loki gasped.

“I GOT YOU GOOD YOU #@*&$@, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE BANSHEE NOW?” Banshee screamed, turned the computer off, and left the room.

“She trolled me.” Loki said.

He sat down in front of the computer.

“She trolled me.” He repeated. He stared at the blank screen for two minutes. When he did finally hit the power button to turn the machine back on, the motion of his finger was numb and automatic. The room was silent. He could hear the whirring click of the hard drive spinning up.

“She trolled me.” He said.

The machine booted to the desktop and he clicked on the bowser, went down the history to the Warframe forums, and read the thread.

“She... trolled... me.” He stumbled over the words as he read the posts.

Under his helmet, a single sentimental tear of joy rolled down his cheek.

“The pupil has become the master.” He whispered to himself.

He thought about posting. About writing something, running back to the forums and trying to reverse all the character assassination she had committed. He had the account. He could just delete the posts... But no. He thought better of it. This was her magnum opus. She had worked all weekend to pull this off.

“She trolled me.” He laughed. He took his helmet off and wiped away the tear.

“She trolled me.”

There was nothing to post. It was a work of art. Crude, painted in broad strokes and a little thin in places, but that was all just frivolous critique. To pick it apart now would be to insult her masterwork, and insult himself. After all, he was her teacher.

Loki closed the browser window. He turned off the computer.

“There’s hope for this team after all.” He smiled.

[Doozy84]

YO, FPC!

THIS IS THE RHINO, AND ITS TIME FOR 48 HOURS OF TSHIRT TIME!

NOW FIRST THINGS FIRST, IF YOU ACT LIKE A GOON, YOU GONNA GET CLOWNED LIKE A GOON, GOT THAT GOOMBAS?

AND ONE MORE RULE- DURING TSHIRT TIME THE RHINO WILL ONLY ANSWER QUESTIONS THAT ALSO POST A TSHIRT. SHOW HOW FRESH YOUR THREADS IS, GOOMBAS.

NO TSHIRT, NO LOVE.

TSHIRT TIME UNTIL THE END OF TIME, ITS RHINO WEEKEND!

[Doozy84]

 

Rhino, why do you not take every opportunity to curbstomp downed enemies, it would make you much more awesome.

 

YO, GOOD TSHIRT, GOOD QUESTION.

BEATIN ON SOMEBODY WHEN THEY DOWN IS JUST NOT THE RHINO’S STYLE, YA KNOW? UNLESS THEY’RE HELPLESS DURING ONE OF MY STOMPS. OR IF THEY’RE DOWN AND I COUP-DE-GRAS THEM WITH A MELEE. OR IF THEY’RE CAUGHT IN VAUBAN’S DISCO NET.

THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TACTICAL CHEAP SHOT AND A REAL CHEAP SHOT, I GUESS. ONE IS BUSINESS, THE OTHER ONE IS JUST MEAN.