Moderius Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) You are at the log-in screen. >log in You log in. The log-in bonus scrolls through several tantalizing selections, including Forma and Orokin Reactors. It settles on Orokin Catalyst. >Yay Just kidding, it's Sentinel Item XP. >Boo You boo at the screen. It is impartial to your suffering. The accept button lingers, waiting to be clicked. >Do nothing The Accept button is the only button you can click. >My Sentinel is level 30! The Accept button does not care. >Click Accept button You are brought to the System Map. The planets orbit silently in the- >Check Extractors You check the Distilling Extractor on Jupiter. You have collected Fieldron Samples. >^#@& The Distilling Extractor is impartial to your suffering. Collect Fieldron Samples? >Begrudgingly Collect You now have 5,783 Fieldron Samples. >Cry internally You cannot do that now. >Go to Armory Screen You view the Armory Screen. Your current Warframe is Ash. He is equipped with that fancy new Edo Armor. >Spin Ash around a lot W..what? >Spin Ash around a lot You rotate Ash repeatedly. >Squee! Ash is holding Dread you were ranking up for the sixth time, and no other weapons. >Go on Dark Sector Mission Ash is not using any other weapons, including Melee. Do you want to- >DARKSECTORMISSION Okay. You go on a Dark Sector Mission, Survival. You wait for a party to form. >Start Mission You start the mission alone and with only one weapon. The Lotus informs you that you are a distraction. >Run around opening lockers. You must activate the terminal to alert the enemy to your presence. >Smash that crate too. You make a ton of noise. You must activate the terminal to alert the enemy to your presence. >Do front flips You do front flips. >Squee! You are now out of stamina. >Recharge stamina You wait for your stamina to recharge. >Frontflips You do more front flips and nothing else happens. >Activate Terminal You activate the terminal. The Infested on the ship de-activate life support. >What The Lotus informs you that the Infested are carrying personal life support modules. >What!? The Lotus is impartial to your suffering. But she is sending you a life support capsule. >Run toward Capsule You run through the hallways, dark with neglect and infestation, the inhuman sounds of the twisted infested echoing off of the hollow metal walls. Infested burst from the door behind you, flooding the passage with their mutated flesh in a wave of hungry, savage pursuit. >Run away You run like a coward. >Run away like a badass You cannot do that now. They chase after, keeping up with you. >Scoot my butt periodically on the floor This makes you run faster. >Whee You skid spastically across the catwalk toward the Capsule. Several lumbering Ancients block your path. >Shoot them with Dread The lethal arrows tear through the Ancients, cleaving a pair of them in half as it shreds through. >Neat The other Ancient extends its massive arm, striking out at you. >Slide under it and shoot it point-blank with an arrow You do that and send the Ancient's body tumbling across the catwalk, impaling it against the wall. >*@##$in' Remember the Infested that were chasing you? >Y- The Infested swarm over you, clubbing and clawing at you. >Activate Blade Storm ASFajkhSDFSLDJKHFSDJKFHSDFSLDKJFHSDJFKHSC The enemies are now dead. >Activate Life-Support Capsule. You activate the Capsule. The Lotus reminds you that you activated Life Support. A health orb pops out of the top of the Capsule. >Use Health Orb You are already at full Health. >Bring Health Orb with me You cannot do that. >Lament While you are Lamenting, an Ancient comes up and smacks you, sending you tumbling from the catwalk and to the ground below. >Ninja Roll You are too busy landing on your head to do that. >Stand up You are surrounded by Infested, coming from all directions. To the North, there are several stacked crates. To the West, a locked door. To the East, a long hallway lined with windows. To the South, stairs back up to the catwalk. >Use Bladestorm You do not have enough Energy to do that. >Use Smoke Screen You disappear in a cloud of smoke, remaining invisible. >Go East You invisibly run toward the hallway. At the end of the hallway is a locked door. >^%#$@& The door is impartial to your suffering. Your invisibility ends. >Use Smoke Screen You do not have enough Energy to do that. The Infested swarm the hallway, charging toward you. >Shoot Dread wildly into the crowd You cut down several Infested with each arrow, slicing through their ranks effectively. >Sweet The other Infested fill in behind them, continuing a steady stream of contorted, hunched bodies, creaking with strain as their bent forms lurch angrily forward. >Run West, shoot Dread like crazy You advance down the hallway, feet stepping through pooling fluids as they leak from the rotting bodies of the unliving, unmoving Infested. You come across a Personal Life Support Module. >Run West You step over the Personal Life Support Module, picking it up from the swollen, infected, gurgling remains of the creature who held it. You immediately breath deeply directly from the Module, which is still sticky with the unnamed green slime from the floor. >What no why What will you do? >Brush teeth You cannot do that now. >Use Mouthwash You cannot do that now. >Weep softly You weep softly. It has been five minutes! The first reward from the Tenno Operative is announced. >Check reward The Tenno Operative has recovered a 1000 credit cache. >Hate Tenno Operative You cannot do that now. >Oh yes I can. Look for Exit The Exit is to the West. The locked door has become unlocked and leads to an Extraction Point. >Run West Oxygen level at 10%. >PANIC There is a Life Support Capsule to the North in this room. >Run North OXygen level at 8% >MAXIMUM BUTT SCOOT You are blocked by an Ancient Healer. >Use Dread You are out of ammunition. >Use Melee attack You spin around and gently swat the lumbering mass of the Ancient with the back of your hand. You do not have a melee weapon equipped. >*&^$# The Ancient is impartial to your suffering. Life Support at 2% >Dive past Ancient, Activate Life Support Capsule Life Support at 0%. The Life Support Capsule disappears. >@&%$#@! The Life Support Capsule is also impartial to your suffering. Your shields and health begin to drain. >Sprint West You run West ducking underneath the reaching claws of the infested, dashing through the doorway and through several locker rooms. >Open Lockers Seriously? >Open Lockers You root through the lockers and get 43 credits. >Squee! The Infested swarm into the room behind you, shrieking in an unearthly, hungry melody as they- >BUTTSCOOTS ..You slip down the hallway, skidding yourself into the next room. The door opens to reveal the Extraction, a single Tenno Extraction dropship. You are asphixiating. >Extract You turn around and leisurely step into the Extraction ship. >PSHEW You launch off into space. You are returned to the Solar Map. You got some experience and some stuff. >Yay None of the stuff was very good though. >Boo The loot screen is impartial to your suffering. Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychedelicSnake Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Question where I went wrong in life by staring at the window to make it look like I am doing something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) >Question where I went wrong in life by staring at the window to make it look like I am doing something. The window is impartial to your suffering. Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit_of_Night Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 That was amazing! Best thing ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dromeos-Prime Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Readers applause to you Clapping inaudible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entari0 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >farm for stuff always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlraistlx Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 This is gold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Welcome to the Warframe Interactive Text Adventure. You are at the Solar Map. What will you do? > _ Edited May 30, 2014 by Moderius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vannell Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Awesome You cannot do that right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KF5AQX Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I love it so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlraistlx Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Go to foundry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(PSN)NicoTheSneakyGuy Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Farm Orokin Cells Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnderFiend Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Sprint West You run East ducking underneath the reaching claws of the infested, dashing through the doorway and through several locker rooms. My only question... did Warframe get your wests confused? Happens to me a lot. ZorkZeroFrame needs to happen. Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 >Farm Orokin Cells You successfully farm: +3801 Alloy Plate +357 Ciruits +73 Detonite Ampules +1 Orokin Cell +500 copies of Tail Wind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(PSN)NicoTheSneakyGuy Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 You successfully farm: +3801 Alloy Plate +357 Ciruits +73 Detonite Ampules +1 Orokin Cell +500 copies of Tail Wind >Cry on the corner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptimumBow0 Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) >Check the Codex Edited May 31, 2014 by OptimumBow0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Go to foundry. You load into the Foundry. This is a boring and unfunny place to be. You look at the numerous Prime weapons that you could construct, if you had Orokin Cells. You have the blueprints to construct parts for (700) Oberon Warframes. The next thing you will click on is most likely the Store. But then you remember you wanted to see something else in the Foundry, so you go back, and then you forget, so it's right there in the back of your head but you don't remember all night. But tonight you'll wake up and be like "Nami Solo!" into the night, but you'll realize you don't have any Argon anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Cry on the corner The corner is impartial to your suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Check the Codex You peruse the myriad of enemies who you stopped to take a picture of, while they were gouging chunks out of your teammates. Thanks to Helios, you also have the most thoroughly detailed scans of various containers possible. It is to be noted that all of the enemies in the Codex do not like you as a person. They have told others you are "dumb" and "look fat in that armor" and that when you're extracting, you can't see it but everyone is chucking you the bird through the windows. These scans are very detailed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlraistlx Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 You load into the Foundry. This is a boring and unfunny place to be. You look at the numerous Prime weapons that you could construct, if you had Orokin Cells. You have the blueprints to construct parts for (700) Oberon Warframes. The next thing you will click on is most likely the Store. But then you remember you wanted to see something else in the Foundry, so you go back, and then you forget, so it's right there in the back of your head but you don't remember all night. But tonight you'll wake up and be like "Nami Solo!" into the night, but you'll realize you don't have any Argon anyway. >Click on Void in starchart. Select "Capture T1". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderius Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Click on Void in starchart. Select "Capture T1". You are immediately launched into the mission. The Text Adventure does not support a squad deployment. You are teleported inside the Tower, or something, you are unsure how you arrived. But you're there now, and you're alone, and the Neural Sentry has told everyone in the Tower that you're a jerk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KF5AQX Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Murder everyone with bladestorm and Dread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(PSN)NicoTheSneakyGuy Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 The corner is impartial to your suffering. >Open Arsenal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stefanovich Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 >Give Ash's Teleport free-aim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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