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[Archive] Of Ash And Fire - Original Thread

SirNerdsAlot5

By SirNerdsAlot5,
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Kalenath

Kalenath

Posted
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Dreams can be VERY hard to achieve. But don't stop chasing them.

 

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

*shifts to a bad Slavic accent that would make Boris or Natasha flinch as if Bullwinkle had shown up with Rocky*

 

'Ve have our vays.... Ve will make you do it.'

 

In other vords...

 

'...the beatings with vet noodles vill continue until MORALE IMPROVES!'

Edited by Kalenath
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Jeahanne

Jeahanne

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I've been though similar issues. I just was unlucky enough to never get a reprieve, at least until I was 16 and my circumstances changed. I would be bullied at school, pushed around and tormented because of my size and my reticence, only to come home to... well let's just call it more unpleasantness. Even in quiet moments I ended up beating up on myself, and I still fight against that instinct every day. I've had therapists look at me in shock and ask how I stayed sane. I have huge gaps in my memory because of it all as well.

 

Unlike many though, I rarely fought back physically because I've always been small. Even at my heaviest I only weighed 110lbs and I average closer to 100. This is true even today at 22 years old. I'm small enough I couldn't give blood even if I wanted to because I don't weigh enough. This means that when I would be... confronted, I was always easily overpowered. I learned fighting back never ended well for me, but I found out that I was highly suited at hiding in unexpected places and escaping my aggressor's grip with relative ease. This saved me from a lot, at least at home, but meant I never learned how to defend myself.

 

Acantha is a lot like me in a few respects, mainly her size and in how she never sees herself as good enough. However, she's also not afraid to fight for what she cares about, which is something I've always wanted to have to confidence to do.

 

I'm saying all this so everyone knows that, at least in some limited way, I sympathize with what you've been through or are going through. It's hard, and something that takes a lot of effort to struggle through, but it will get better. So don't give up, and if I can do anything for you just ask. In the mean time, know that I and the others in this thread are there for you. This can be your safe haven if you need it. Here you're always among friends.

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Kalenath

Kalenath

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I've been though similar issues. I just was unlucky enough to never get a reprieve, at least until I was 16 and my circumstances changed. I would be bullied at school, pushed around and tormented because of my size and my reticence, only to come home to... well let's just call it more unpleasantness. Even in quiet moments I ended up beating up on myself, and I still fight against that instinct every day. I've had therapists look at me in shock and ask how I stayed sane. I have huge gaps in my memory because of it all as well.

 

Unlike many though, I rarely fought back physically because I've always been small. Even at my heaviest I only weighed 110lbs and I average closer to 100. This is true even today at 22 years old. I'm small enough I couldn't give blood even if I wanted to because I don't weigh enough. This means that when I would be... confronted, I was always easily overpowered. I learned fighting back never ended well for me, but I found out that I was highly suited at hiding in unexpected places and escaping my aggressor's grip with relative ease. This saved me from a lot, at least at home, but meant I never learned how to defend myself.

 

Acantha is a lot like me in a few respects, mainly her size and in how she never sees herself as good enough. However, she's also not afraid to fight for what she cares about, which is something I've always wanted to have to confidence to do.

 

I'm saying all this so everyone knows that, at least in some limited way, I sympathize with what you've been through or are going through. It's hard, and something that takes a lot of effort to struggle through, but it will get better. So don't give up, and if I can do anything for you just ask. In the mean time, know that I and the others in this thread are there for you. This can be your safe haven if you need it. Here you're always among friends.

 

I knew a lot of people like that Jaehanne. Some survived. Others didn't.

 

A good friend of mine when I was a teen was about your size and went through similar things. She wound up becoming a truck driver just to get away from home.

 

Know that YOU are not alone either. It is SERIOUSLY hard to come back when you have told yourself for years (or decades) that you are useless, worthless, tiny, weak... All that. It took a sword teacher to START me on that road and I still trip up every so often twenty two some odd years later. I am not small, but I never wanted to be strong for fear of what I would do when I got angry. The Hulk has nothing on me when I get angry. At least with HIM, everyone KNOWS when he gets angry. Me? I just get cold and dangerous. So I try not to get angry.

 

I laugh a lot. I write a lot. I talk a lot. It helps.

 

 

Safe haven it is. My NEIGHBOR has FRIGGIN TEAR GAS GRENADES! I am not making that up. I am being serious.

 

As long as it isn't a GRENADE LAUNCHER....

Edited by Kalenath
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bejuizb

bejuizb

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@Kalenath, Jeahanna and Wrath.

 

Thanks a lot for the encouraging words. I don't know what got into me today to be honest. I'm generally all optimistic and humorous but today I've just been moping around on the thread. Sorry for that.

 

I guess the overwhelming support from everyone shows that we all have another thing in common apart from loving to write: we all have been through hell in our own ways, and we've emerged as compassionate people who care. 

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bejuizb

bejuizb

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I have to be honest, from my past experiences of game forums, I would not have expected one to become a therapy zone.

 

And yet we've done so anyway - Great stories & friendly open therapy.

I'm not complaining. It's great to have a place where I can truly open up. It's still the bloody internet, but I feel safe here lol

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Jeahanne

Jeahanne

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I knew a lot of people like that Jaehanne. Some survived. Others didn't.

 

A good friend of mine when I was a teen was about your size and went through similar things. She wound up becoming a truck driver just to get away from home.

 

Know that YOU are not alone either. It is SERIOUSLY hard to come back when you have told yourself for years (or decades) that you are useless, worthless, tiny, weak... All that. It took a sword teacher to START me on that road and I still trip up every so often twenty two some odd years later. I am not small, but I never wanted to be strong for fear of what I would do when I got angry. The Hulk has nothing on me when I get angry. At least with HIM, everyone KNOWS when he gets angry? Me? I just get cold and dangerous. So I try not to get angry.

 

I laugh a lot. I write a lot. I talk a lot. It helps.

 

 

 

As long as it isn't a GRENADE LAUNCHER....

For a long while I told myself I COULDN'T learn to defend myself. I was too small, too weak, ect,ect.. Now? I've considered it, but I have no idea where to start or even if I should.

 

I worry because I picked up a lot of instincts from growing up when I had to constantly be on edge that nearly had me hurting people in high school. For example, I had to learn not to reflexively kick backwards as hard as I could if someone grabbed me from behind. I nearly horse-kicked my best friend several times because she enjoyed sneaking up on me and hugging me from behind, and others thought it was funny to pick me up unexpectedly and carry me around. I had a guy friend who carried me to my car nearly every day for two years because he thought it was funny (something about being small makes people want to carry you around, Heaven knows why lol). Eventually I retrained myself so that I go still when surprised, but I worry that if someone actually taught me how to really hurt people, I could do it without meaning to, and I'd never forgive myself for  that.

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Jeahanne

Jeahanne

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You all are lucky in that sense...you can still fight back. I can't even imagine raising my fist against someone I dislike. I just don't have the gall for it. Who knows what will happen when I really do need to fight back.

I hear you... I have an incredibly hard time with it... back then it was all instinct. Doing it consciously? Idk... I mean, I can't even kill SPIDERS unless strictly necessary, I take them outside lol

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NyghttheClassy

NyghttheClassy

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I'm not someone to normally go for physical confrontation, rather psychological.

 But there have been times, mainly in school/secondary school, where I've been under stress and one of the school bullies or 'bigshots' has managed to pluck the wrong nerve.

Always left me in a 'huff' for the next half hour, where I'd try and keep away from everything and anyone, 'cool off' quietly.

 One of the 'snap' times I had, I had taken a good swing back. Wasn't until the deputy head bumped into me 5 minutes later in a corridor and pointed it out, that I registered the cut in my arm and all the red over my hand.

 

To be fair, when you actually do have to fight back, either impulsively or under assault, that old, primal instinct does try to pull you through alive. But some of us do prefer to avoid it, for our own well being, both mental ond bodily.

 

And Viking, I think it's            

...[/spoiler.]    without the dot in the bracket. test it.

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FatViking

FatViking

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They told me what they intended to do. They told me of the risks, of the pain, of the possibility of death and I accepted.

 

They told me they would break me down, then build me up, then break me down again and then build me up again. I accepted.

 

They told me that they would break my mind, build it up, break it again and build it up again. I accepted.

 

Training started next day. I have never been in as much pain as then. Even bullet holes or plasma burns merely faze me. Cuts with heated blades and hits with electrical batons are ineffective as I just stare at my attacker as I squeeze the life out of him, watching his eyes roll up in his head and his face turn blue. He gets the easy way out. I walked through hell during training as my muscles tore, my skin ripped and bones broke. They fixed me and sent me back. My muscles tore over one thousand times, my skin became littered with scars and my bones were almost ground to dust. They fixed me and sent me back. This continued until my muscles would Tear no more, my skin refused to rip and my bones refused to break. Then finally they were happy.

 

They invaded my mind and broke it down from within. Hallucinations and paranoia overcame me. Then they fixed it. They invaded again and broke it down again. I became a blabbering psychopath stuck in a strait-jacket. Then they fixed it again. They would invade and fix my mind until my mind knew all their tricks, knew all their entrances and all their motves. Then they were happy.

 

Then they threw me into a frame. I never knew the name of it as I entered the Void. I just stared into it as the energies overcame me. Nothing would harm me, nothing would break me and nothing would kill me. I was too stubborn.

 

I returned from the Void, Blind and mute and was sent to fight whatever enemy they were fighting. They handed me a gun and a sword, two weapons I had become familiar with. The helmet became my eyes, and my frame became my body. I fought countless battles against enemy that could not adapt to me or my Brothers and Sisters. We were guided by Her. She loved us, and we loved her as a child could love its mother. We were Her children and by Her power we fought the enemy and won.

 

They held a ceremony for us, but we felt no happiness. The drums were pounding like a beating heart. We had heard of the atrocities they had released upon the system from our beloved Mother. A dangerous game, they were playing. She told us they planned to betray us, and in anger we marched forth. They never saw it coming.

 

...

 

I woke up to my dear Mothers voice as the frame restarted. We had been asleep, and new threats had risen in our absence. Again I took up my sword and gun and strode forth to battle. Balance must be preserved.

 

In the name of Balance.

 

In Her name.

 

We are the Tenno.

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CommanderCorgi

CommanderCorgi

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May I suggest Judo or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as potential methods of self-defense?

 

Striking Arts like Muay Thai or Karate are called hard arts...you disable people by well..hitting them. Arts like Judo or BJJ are what they call gentle arts...you don't knock people out, but you can occlude blood flow to the brain until they stop moving (and you don't need to hit anybody in the process.)

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Divinity112

Divinity112

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With Loch Na's deal done the clan now had to focus on an entirely new problem. An Infested outbreak was in full swing at Jupiter and Lotus was calling on all Tenno to eliminate the threat. Several cells had already been lost and one Clan of Tenno was already in danger of losing too many members. Corpus ships floated through the darkness of space, their contingent of troops fighting for their lives as the Infested roamed the corridors. Corpus died in droves defending their gas cities.

 

/

 

It was a simple extermination mission this time. No need for rescues. That was how Kevin liked it as he reloaded his Soma. The Nekros moved with practiced ease as Val stepped up beside him, her claws dripping blood. Kevin didn't know why he was being sent with her. Janice was not very pleased with the situation. But she did not question the roster and went with her team to secure the other side of the massive complex.

 

It was Val's idea anyway.

 

"Contact." Kevin said swinging his Soma to bear on a gaggle of Infested coming at them. He set his sights on a particularly nasty looking Ancient Disruptor that spread its mandibles and roared as the Chargers and Leapers surged at the two Tenno. Val answered with a particularly enraged howl herself as Kevin crouched and let the Infested have it, spraying bullet after bullet at the fleshy, insane beasts.

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DraikoHunter

DraikoHunter

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Got home a few hours ago and after seeing all of this, I might as shared what happened today.

 

I got into it with that loudmouth I talked about a few weeks ago. He tried to go into my bookbag and I yanked it away from him. He tried to fight but then a principal stopped him. He didn't let it go and we fought on the bus. When we were pulled apart he tried to talk S#&$ and make gang signs. But he was crying like a little *@##$. I've never been someone to fight and it was on a bus so we were confined. The principal wants me to talk to the counselor. He said I had a lot of anger built up and I need a way to release it

 

Just something that happened to me. Needed to get that off my chest.

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