OptimumBow0 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Welcome to the forgotten club! Have a tourniquet and some chloroform. I joined that club over 30 pages of fan-fics ago (or so) (Yes, I am referring to the 3rd and 4th installments of my story, and yes, they sucked, but someone could've told me that.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeahanne Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Why would we say something sucked when it didn't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bejuizb Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Why would we say something sucked when it didn't? Dat save. Seriously though. It was good. I'll be the first guy to say it sucks if it actually does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraikoHunter Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) I like your stories bro. Don't let anyone say your stories suck if they don't have a better one to write Edited January 25, 2014 by DraikoHunter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FatViking Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Don't read this if you don't want to know what I wrote. The alarms blared, yet warned no one. Only one aboard the ship could hear them, and yet he did not react. He just stared out of the window of the bridge of the ship as the red planet it had been over came closer and closer. He was responsible for the deaths of every single Corpus aboard the ship, but he had lost his entire team in the process. They had sacrificed their lives to save the Station, and so would he. The ship continued its course, aimed at an empty and unused Corpus base on the planet. He just stood still, watching the landscape coming towards him. These were his final moments. ... It had just been a standard off-duty mission. Infiltrate a Corpus vessel, capture a target and extract. They had never anticipated that the ship was headed towards the Station, or the fact that it was carrying enough explosives to blow up a large asteroid. When they found that out, the off-duty Bravo Unit was back on duty, and seeing as they were already onboard the Ship, the mission had changed into an exterminate and redirection mission. Things didn't go as planned. The first casualty had been one of the Excaliburs of Bravo Unit. He had been shot in the head by a Railgun MOA. The shot had gone through the center of his head and destroyed most of his brain. Even with Orokin technology, he was doomed. The other Excalbur had fallen a few minutes later. They had managed to fight their way to the bridge and had been trying to unlock the ships control. He had decided to go provide a distraction so that the others could finish and redirect the ship. They had finished, but at a cost. He had fallen in a hail of gunfire and explosions. His final act had been blowing himself up with a grenade, stolen from one of the crewmen. The Rhino was the final casualty. He had run off alone as Kris had stayed in the bridge, making sure that the ship was on the right course. He had reached extraction and had gotten into his snub, but he never made it back to the Station. He was shot down by a passing Grineer ship. That left only Kris alive. He just stood still. There were no Corpus alive, his team was dead and the ship was on a collision course. The alarms were blaring, but he didn't hear them. For him, all was silent, cold, sterile. He just stood there, not moving a muscle. He could see the mountain tops and the metallic frames of the base the ship had been guided towards. He could see what would soon collide with the large ship. He could hear the voice of Lotus telling him to get the hell out of there, but it was too late. Even if he would reach his snub, the resulting explosion would still catch him, and if it wouldn't kill him instantly, the damage would do so over the days it would take to find him. Snubs weren't built to handle the force of asteroid destroying explosives. ''Lotus, tell them I paid my debt.'' Were the last words out of his mouth as the nose of the ship made contact with the ground. As the front of the ship started breaking, the explosives started going off, destroying the ship in one giant fireball. ... ''He is...Gone? Why? Why didn't he just run?'' Lotus thought to herself as she listened to the static coming from the comms. Death of a Tenno was in itself not uncommon, but a Tenno refusing to run at Lotus's urging was unheard of. She switched on several moniors. News were coming in from the Corpus and Grineer, every single one about a ship crashing into Mars and wiping out a Corpus base filled with the Corpus experiments with the infested. According to the news, there were no survivors. Lotus went through the next few days as if nothing had happened. Once in a while, one of Kris's allies and friends would contact her about him. She always deflected the questions, but it seemed as she couldn't do that anymore. With a heavy heart she contacted all of the people Kris knew as friends and told them of his last moments. Or just don't like character deaths. Also-non-canon Edited January 26, 2014 by FatViking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptimumBow0 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Thank you guys :D And deep stuff Viking. Deep stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bejuizb Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Good lord...that was some moving stuff man. Might I suggest adding some thoughts as well. What was he thinking in his final moments. Any regrets, or unpaid debts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FatViking Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Bej, that was just a first draft. It was just constantly bugging me so I had to get rid of it. Consider it non-canon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeahanne Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Might want to edit that post to say it's non cannon, just so people know right away. Otherwise, good story Viking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spikey844 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Wow vik, just wow. Probably a good thing that isn't really going to happen, Sophia would get very.... Upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bejuizb Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Ah okay. Impressive work for a first draft though. Great job! I might throw up a scene soon as well. It's the ending for my fanfic, rather the second revision of it. Hope you good fellows don't mind :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptimumBow0 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I find the Lotus' lack of emotion... Disturbing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EDeN153 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I wonder what I should name this magnificent, self-proclaimed, level-headed Excalibro... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FatViking Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Bobby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EDeN153 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING! Great minds...Oh ho, great minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptimumBow0 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Name him Samuel huehuehuehuehuehue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entari0 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Name him Arthur, and have him wear the pendragon helmet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EDeN153 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entari0 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 You know you want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraikoHunter Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 That was......wow vik. Great story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraikoHunter Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Name him Steve. We need a Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrath_Of_Chrysalis Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EDeN153 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Stephen, sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DraikoHunter Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Stephen, sure. Not Stephen. STEVE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeahanne Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Steven? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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