Yezzik Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) Using this as a home for all my songs from now on. What Do You Do With a Teammate That's Worthless/It Sucks to Be Three Originally: What Do You Do With a B.A. in English/It Sucks to Be Me FROST: What do you do with a teammate that's worthless?How bad's this run going to be?Ten seconds out and he's down for the countAnd his failure it might drag down meI don't have the Detron, cause everyone plays wrongThe Brakk is a long way awayBut no I will not break, though this grind it might takeA lifetime or end in a dayEMBER: Morning, Rhino!RHINO: Hi, Ember.EMBER: How's the game?RHINO: Disappointing.EMBER: What's the matter?RHINO: We failed at the new event.EMBER: Oh, I'm sorry!RHINO: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm geared to the teeth and I always thought...EMBER: What?RHINO: No, it sounds stupid.EMBER: Aw, c'mon!RHINO: When this run started, we had a full teamOld friends from college, we were livin' the dreamBut now one's DCed and you know what that meansOH GODIt sucks to be threeIt sucks to be threeIt sucks to lose friends and end up with PuGs who don't even CCIt sucks to be threeEMBER: You think that sucks?RHINO: I think so!EMBER: Your problems aren't so bad!EMBER: I'm in the queue and I'm waiting on groupsFull squads all over, but no almost-filled troupesThen I get in a game and they're all fruit-loopsSo why... IS EVERYONE STUPID?Damn!EMBER: It sucks to see threeIt sucks to see threeIt sucks to see someone hit that pod with the LS at ninetyIt sucks to see three(NOVA and LOKI appear on the scene, arguing intensely about who just cost them their latest Defense game)RHINO: Nova, Loki, can you settle something for us, do you have a second?LOKI: Ah, certainly.RHINO: Whose groups suck more, Ember's or mine?NOVA: Pfft!NOVA and LOKI: Ours!NOVA: We play togetherLOKI: We've done so for yearsNOVA: Levellin' to thirtyLOKI: While knockin' back beersNOVA: But now I'm draggin' this scrub up by his earsYou don't try to at least be the best!LOKI: It's a game, not a &!$$ing contest!NOVA: You waste energy, you don't forma your gun!LOKI: Oh yeah? You mash your 4 key and mistake it for fun!NOVA: You make me want to quit with every failed run!LOKI: So do you, that's why I might quit too!NOVA: It sucks with Loki!LOKI: No, it sucks to play freeRHINO: It sucks to be three!EMBER: It sucks to see three!ALL: Is there any group in here it doesn't suck to see?It sucks to be three!(EXCALIBRO appears)EXCAL: Why are you all so happy?EMBER: Because our runs suck!EXCAL: Your runs suck? Am I hearing you guys correctly? HA!EXCAL: See I'm a starter, a very good pickMy CC's useful and I move round so quickBut when you see me you assume that I'm thickFor my choice of frame!You call me a noob!But I have played others!And I prefer this one!And I just want to play for fun!EXCAL: It sucks when you're mean!It sucks when you're mean!I say it sucks when you think that you're so much better than me!It sucks when you're mean!FROST: Excuse me?EMBER: Hey there.FROST: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a clan to join.EXCAL: Why're you looking here in Region?FROST: Well, I started in Recruiting, but nobody seems to want me.But this place seems a lot friendlier!RHINO: You need to talk to the clan leader. Let me go get him.FROST: Great, thanks!RHINO: Yo, Bonedaddy!NEKROS: I'm comin', I'm comin'...FROST: Nekros? What are you doing outside of Survival?NEKROS: I don't know either!NEKROS: I main a Nekros, my 3 key's broke apartMy 1 and 2 are useless, but my 4's a work of artSurvival's where I shine but I don't get to take part!But I'm here! The leader! Of this little clan!RHINO: It sucks to be threeEXCAL: You win!EMBER: It sucks to see threeLOKI: I feel better now!NEKROS: Try having people trolling you and saying"You didn't do any damage!"It gets old!NOVA: It sucks with Loki, it sucks with LokiLOKI: It sucks to play freeEMBER: It sucks to see threeRHINO: It sucks to be threeEXCAL: It sucks when you're meanALL: But not when we're togetherWe're all different and we play this game!(I cut the rest of the ending out as I couldn't think of a way to make it work) Do You Wanna Ride a Kubrow? Originally: Do You Want to Build a Snowman? Tenno? Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Come on, let's go and fight! You never log in anymore Come play some more A new patch hit last night You used to be a ninja But now you've stopped I wish you would tell me why! Do you wanna ride a kubrow? It doesn't have to be a kubrow... "Go away, Lotus." "Okay, bye..." Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Or save the Red Veil from Death's halls? To win this war I need you too Because the Grineer have The Corpus by the balls ("Hang in there, Darvo.") It gets a little lonely All these empty nodes The starmap soon will die... (tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock) Tenno? Please I know you're out there J3's been asking where you've been He says "We're back" and I fear for you They've come for me too Please help me win We're running an event With no RNG What would you like to do? Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Tenno No. 5 Originally: Mambo No. 5 Ladies and gentlemen This is Tenno No. 5! One, two, three, four, five Everybody in the ship, so come on let's ride To the mission hub around the corner The boys say they want some nerfs and buffs But I really don't wanna Freak out, like I did last week I must stay deep, 'cause Bless was cheap I like Trinity, Saryn, Zephyr and Nova And as I levelled up I'd even used the Prova So what can I do? I really beg you, Darvo To me formaing is the way to go Potatoes too, they're all good let me buy some But please just discount them A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you Tenno No. 5! Super Jump up now, and slide it all around Banshee got a Quake of Sound Heavy Impact on the ground Wallrun to the left, and then to the right Sword in my hand and guns at my side Desecrate once, and Desecrate twice And if you get a second Brakk part you're doing it right A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you Discount! The discount! Tenno No. 5! (ha ha ha) A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you I do all I do To find the next OP frame, it's true You can't run and you can't fight Dread and Stug gonna ruin your night Tenno No. 5! All of my Mods Originally: Part of Your World Look at my frame, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think that my grinding's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the one The one who's maxed everything? Look at my mods, rating untold How many Trick Mags can one Tenno hold? Sort it by dupes and you'd think Sure, they've got everything I've got Riplines and Slash Dash a-plenty I've got Spare Parts and Regens galore You want Ammo Drums? I've got thousands But who cares? No big deal. I want cores I wanna see a full page of mods I wanna max, wanna max Serration Grindin' Xini for that Whaddya call it? Oh, stance Levellin' up, you don't get too far Mods are required for killin', survivin' Makin' it look like a What's that word again? Dance Up where they farm Up where they grind Up where they run Hieracon till they're blind Dark Sectors taxed, wish I could max All of my mods How much you bet that I don't get My Shock Absorbers? What is the fee in tower keys For Spoiled Strike? Betcha in chat it's on sale for Plat Bet they don't wanna trade for my stuff Void runs goin', sick of knowin' That my loot's duff I'm ready to go with the other Tenno Pimp out my Soma and cleave some Corpus What's a Vault run, and why's the loot What's the word? Rock Where's my Shell Shock? And my damage mods? Want so much power I feel like a god Stopped in my tracks, wish I could max All of my mods I Just Can't Wait to be Primed Originally: I Just Can't Wait to Be King I'm gonna be the greatest Prime My helmet's lookin' beast (I'm afraid the Ember master race) (Has already been released) I won't be tied to an event My content stands alone Run the Void to get my parts From the comfort of your home (You know, I think I'll just buy the pack) Not being seen is the new black No one playing Nova (It wasn't a nerf!) No one playing Valkyr (She's still great!) No one playing Rhino (He's balanced!) Loki everywhere (Can't see any!) Maximum Efficiency (I knew it) Spam Invisibility (I think it's time you used more than) (Just one ability) Why would I do that? They're just a waste of Energy (If this is what the playerbase is like then) (Count me out) (Playing Solo for my sanity) (No Loki Primes about) (These people between them have just one mind) Oh, I just can't wait to be Primed! Everybody play me Everybody press 2 Best frame ever Sorry Ash, it's true (NO SKILL!) Let every Tenno 'cross the world cry out For every new Prime makes them wanna shout Phat loot is what this game is all about Want to Buy Loki Prime, price or get out Want to Sell, PST price or get out Want to Trade Loki Prime... (Loki Prime) Plat or get out! Be Our Host Originally: Be Our Guest Be our host! Be our host! Of T4 keys you've the most On the wave of your hard work, my friend We'd really love to coast Out the door Taunted by Vor Seems that he's come back for more I hope he drops Cicero mods In the meantime? Hit the pods Life Support, back to max Now resume all your attacks Cause he's soaked up all of my bullets and more Come on and use your powers Or else this might take hours Hit your four Again, hit four Hit your four! Shoot his gut Where it glows Please stop aiming for his nose Light him up with countless shots I've got my Ember burning hot Wait a second Can't be true Here's the Stalker chasing you Knowing my luck then we'll see A friendly visit from the G3 Got ourselves some parkour tricks That we'll need lest we **** bricks Cause we've gotta take these guys Down right away Come on and join our crew We're all waiting for you Please host our run It'll be fun Don't forget to pack a gun Be our host! Be our host! Be our host! Hosting is so risky Every key a costly mystery Will we lose or will we get some worthless stuff? Ah, back when the tables weren't diluted... Now getting the things you want is rough Or you could buy it with Plat And while there's nothing wrong with that The Void does not need item duplicates Most runs are just a waste of hard-earned keys Waiting in Recruiting But we wanna get to shooting! Here we go! Here we go! Second run, we've hit our flow Best loadout, I've got no doubt And this time I'll put on a show Desecrate for extra packs Now we know where to attack Vor spawns again, to his dismay An Ogris blast then wrecks his day Nearly there, half hour in This is now a certain win Our cries of joy become a frenzied toast For once, what we want drops This run's not been a flop Thanks to you, our host! You're our host! You're our host! You're our host! Be our host! Be our host! Help us get what we want most! We're just waiting for a chance to get that gear And I will roast All our foes' flesh away Chain runs till the break of day While the corpses are a-glowing Fireballs I will keep throwing Mob by mob, one by one Till you shout "The keys are gone!" In Regional we'll cheer your name and boast Tonight we'll go all out Show Vor what we're about Be our host! Be our host! Be our host! Please, be our host! Stalker's Mom Originally: Stacy's Mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker, can you send your mom my way? (mom my way) I've been farming for her all day (for her all day) Does your mom drop both of those awesome whips? (awesome whips) And that dog, got a display case back on my ship (back on my ship) You know, I'm not the newb who used to die to Captain Vor Rank 15 and growing now, ready for one more Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me I know it might take long but I've been farming Stalker's mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker, do you remember when I farmed for Hate? (farmed for Hate) Your mom drops loot that's 'bout twice as great (twice as great) I could tell she's deadly from the way I died (the way I died) Least I got the scan, at just the cost of my pride (the cost of my pride) And I know that you think it's just insanity But since I've got your stuff, your mom could stand to die to me Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me I know it might take long, but I've been farming Stalker's mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me, I know it might take long but oh oh (I know it might take long) I've been farming (Stalker's mom oh oh) (Stalker's mom oh oh) I've been farming Stalker's mom My Favourite Things Originally: Er... My Favourite Things? Shooting my Brakk in the enemy's faces Killing enough to exterminate races Crafting the weapons that each new patch brings These are a few of my favourite things Scanning the Stalker and hoping I don't die Getting what I need from stuff on the first try Getting ideas whenever a host sings These are a few of my favourite things Firing my Ogris and not dying as well Hoping all of these words I manage to spell Chilling with my kubrow living like kings These are a few of my favourite things When it's Boar Prime When I can't rhyme When I'm playing bad I simply remember my favourite things And then I don't feel so sad Racing to catch up to my fellow players Hoping our targets have said all their prayers Wincing when I crit as that damage stings These are a few of my favourite things Charging through lasers with my Iron Skin on Running the Void and then finding some Argon Jumping around like Excal's wearing springs These are a few of my favourite things Levelling all of my gear to thirty Killing the Grustrags when they get too shirty Using Dread, hearing the twang of the strings These are a few of my favourite things When it's Boar Prime When I can't rhyme When I'm playing bad I simply remember my favourite things And then I don't feel so sad Baby Got Brakk Originally: Baby Got Back Oh, my, god. Megan, look at Glen's gun. It is so big. [scoff] It looks like one of those full-size shotguns. But, you know, who ever uses shotguns? [scoff] I never take them, because, my Sweeper uses those mods, 'kay? I mean, that Brakk, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so powerful, it's like, strong, I mean— gross. Look! It's just so... OP! I like shotguns and I can not lie You other tenno can't deny That when a Nyx shows up with a Boar in your face And a Pyrana just in case You get owned, wanna pull out your Dread 'Cause you're loving them crits of red Thanks to your chaining Void runs Got six forma in all your guns Oh baby, I wanna grind witcha I'll never ditch ya My clanmates love that Boltor But this Hek I got helps me to slaughter Ooh, latest Prime gear You say you gonna kill more mobs? Well, 'scuse me, 'scuse me But I ain't that average newbie I put the boot in When I get to shootin' I got style, speed Gotta keep up to succeed I'm tired of rifle types Sayin' Soma or go home Take the average shotgun and mod it right It's gonna ruin their night So, tenno! (Yeah!) Tenno! (Yeah!) Has your shotgun got the goods? (Hell yeah!) Gotta shoot it! (Shoot it!) Shoot it! (Shoot it!) Shoot your favourite gun! Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! I like to fight, up close And when it's me an' my bros I just can't help myself, I'm doin' mad parkour Check your waypoint marker I wanna run that Vault And yeah, Vicious Spread, yeah, yeah I ain't talkin' bout Heavy Cal Cause rifle mods go to my Dethcube pal I want it up close an' personal So grab your Strun or Phage And gird your rage We're gearin' up to engage So I'm lookin' at all our foes Crazy armies comin' to blows You can have them armies I'll keep killing my enemies A word to the guys like Darvo, now son you're my bro But betrayal's a no-go If you sell me out to your dad Frohd Bek Your faces I'll wreck This gun got some awesome tech From the guys sent by Vay Hek 'Cause them G3 think I'm so weak Cause I fight like hide and seek But they're wrong, cause I'm strong An' I got the gun from this song So, Grineer! (Yeah!) Grineer! (Yeah) If you still think I'm just playin' here (Yeah!) Then come along! Prove me wrong! Bring the strongest of your strong Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! So your girlfriend rolls an Ember, bringin' aerial death with Zephyr But Zephyr ain't built for melee, not like the badass Valkyr Her Hysteria will kill you Nothing you can do, to Stop all the close-range murder She hits like a steel girder Some brothers wanna play with Rhino And hide behind their skin of gold But it's just there for protection 'Fraid I have to raise an objection Some players say we're bad But I just think they're mad! See our playstyles differ so you'd better not bicker Just 'cause our damage ain't bigger To the weaker names on the lista' frames: 'Fraid you ain't my style! Give me a tank, without swank An' all the enemies I'll shank! I don't hate rifles, no Got a pimped out Soma, bro It's great but it's not my style Want a change once in a while So tenno, if you love your gun, Don't have to explain to no one Dial 0800-DPS And kick that damage out Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! Flying With Archwings Originally: Flying Without Wings Everybody's looking for great content One patch that makes them want to weep And when you look at your friends' faces You see them smile at what they seek Some find it in the hard-fought battles Some find it in the grind itself Who can deny the joy it brings When your Foundry builds that thing You're flying with Archwings Some find it with their favourite weapon Some in a clan so full o' friends You'll find it in the livestreams constant Redtext there with jokes about rear ends You'll find it in your faithful kubrow In Ordis freaking out at Vor And when Update 15 goes live This game is gonna thrive You're flying with Archwings So, impossible as it may seem Devs want to make the ZoE fans scream I hope it rules, that game was so cool And the concept was neat Well, for me it's mowing down countless foes I love this fantasy of power To know that I can blow off my steam No matter what the day or hour It's when I hear the devs' excitement And see the love for their own work And it's like flying with Archwings I play, I like and sing I'm flying with Archwings We've all got what we love the most Tenno 'cross land and coast I'm flying with Archwings I hope you keep playing I'm flying with Archwings Spooky Scary Scorpions Originally: Spooky Scary Skeletons Spooky scary Scorpions Shoot snares, lasso you in Slashing strikes from sudden swords Will all but sear your skin Spooky scary Scorpions Scream 'bout tenno skoom You'll scan these soldiers constantly As you slide from room to room We're so sorry Scorpions Your stun it makes us scream And now the ancients have it too So this is a bad dream Cause spooky scary Scorpions Hate when Zephyrs soar They'll snap and try to sabotage Your spacebound search for gore Somas set up supercharged Shoot shots of scorching shock But shotguns with their multishot Are so savage they rock! Spooky scary Scorpions Are silly, makes me sigh They'll snatch up and then try to slay Squads of space samurai Saryn's Miasma it melts Stalker and Sargas Ruk Spooky scary Scorpions Will slow you cause you suck! Patch Times Originally: Blurred Lines Everybody download Everybody download Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey If you were here 'bout a year ago Vor's Prize was teased but we didn't know What it was gonna be Or when it would be live But now it's on my drive Everybody download First thing I see on load, is a brand new login screen It's finally that time, this is Update 14 Just let me get my quest on Hey, hey, hey Starter mods for fusion Hey, hey, hey A guaranteed Serration And that's why I'm gon' take it real slow I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it Cause it might go! Can't let it get Vaulted Or development halted So you've full-on assaulted I love these patch times I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it Cause you're a gamer The way you're playin' Content that's stayin' Y'know what I'm sayin' Everybody download Got my own spaceship and Spacedog at my right hand Buildin' up to fight Vor Darvo helps me out 'cause I'm poor I'm just a tenno Hey, hey, hey With a starting Lato Hey, hey, hey Want the Mk-1 Bo Hey, hey, hey I got a problem though, the ship A.I. is insane It contradicts itself, like it's got a second brain Just let me get my kubrow Hey, hey, hey And feed it po-ta-to Hey, hey, hey So my dog clone army grows Hey, hey, hey And that's why I'm gon' grind some Argon I know they won't drop I know they won't drop I know they won't drop When I want them! Gotta get this quest done Before they Argon My God that's a bad pun Everybody download I love these patch times I know you'll love it I love them times I know you'll love it I love them times I know you'll love it Cause we've got story! Now it's completed And Vor's defeated Content depleted One thing I ask, DE Want the same again 'cross all I can see Got a whole starmap full of places Lotta people as well, but they're just faces So make 'em do stuff and give us more And that's the easy way to get to write more lore Game on, 'til we've got nothing left to do Get all the mods and the weapons too And get what we need to max 'em out Forma what you plan to wave about Then there's PvP, and while it's not for me It's just the sorta change that I wanna see So I'll just do my thing And leave it to the ones who care to win Lotsa hotfixes, there was a lot to mend Crazy boss scaling brought about my end Play the game, how you, want to Repair your liset, your liset Need a kubrow vet! Bought something to heal, my dog's integrity Decaying DNA, it's a liability, uh huh No more newb taxi Hey, hey, hey Pluto's locked for thee Hey, hey, hey Best play properly I always wanted a kubrow (Everybody download) I want to ride it I want to ride it I want to ride it She's a good girl Fuzzball is a Huras Foes she will harass And knock 'em on their @$$ I love these patch times (Everybody download) You know we'll play it You know we'll rush it You know we'll clear it And then we'll want more! The way we're playin' Content that's stayin' Y'know what I'm sayin' Everybody download Everybody download Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Lo, She Comes With Patch Notes Bringing Originally: Lo, He Comes With Clouds Descending Lo! She comes with patch notes bringing Once for hated exploits slain Thousand thousand tenno singing 'board the glorious hype train "It's the Lotus! It's the Lotus! It's the Lotus!" She appears to us in-game All of chat shall now behold Red Puns of dread depravity Those who screencapped all and posted Upvotes flowing constantly Content playing, content playing, content playing Given unto us for free Every tileset, frame, and kubrow Weap'ns and mods, be buffed away All who fear nerfs must, enraged go Scream their outrage night and day Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry away! Now balancing, long desired Shall in powers changed appear Damage mods, by devs retired Now shall turn to Cores and gear "It's about time! It's about time! It's about time!" See the work of Scott appear! Answer calls of accounts damaged Hasten, Meg, and ease their fears! The new content quickly ravaged Tenno eager for new gear "So much grinding! So much grinding! So much grinding!" Forums flooded with their tears! The dear people in the Fan Zone Singing, drawing, writing too Cause of endless inspiration To those whom their work they view 'cross the world, 'cross the world, 'cross the world Gaze we on that artwork new Come, DE! Let all support Thee By purchasing Platinum Sheldon, bring the hate upon ye For all those Tower 4 runs Not R-N-G! Not R-N-G! Not R-N-G! The Void Trader must soon come! Into the Void Originally: Act One Prologue: Into the Woods LOTUS: Once upon a time-- TRINITY: I wish... LOTUS: --in a nearby galaxy-- TRINITY: More than Vandals... LOTUS: --lived a fair maiden-- TRINITY: More than Primes... LOTUS: --a sad young lad-- TRINITY: More than Wraiths... ASH: I wish... LOTUS: --and a primeless frame-- ASH: More than buffs... TRINITY, VOLT: I wish... LOTUS: --or two. ASH: More than weapons... TRINITY, VOLT, ASH: More than content... BANSHEE: I wish... TRINITY: The devs have nerfed and broken me. VOLT, BANSHEE: More than patches... ASH: I wish... TRINITY: I wish for buffs to my powers-- VOLT, BANSHEE: More than updates... TRINITY: --but mostly #4... ASH: I wish the devs would give me some love. TRINITY: BANSHEE: More than anything... VOLT: I wish we had some primes. ASH: Please, guys-- BANSHEE: I want a prime... ASH: Don't tease, guys... TRINITY: I wish for my old Blessing back. ASH: I wish you'd fix my bugs, if just one ability... VOLT, BANSHEE: I wish we might have a prime. ALL FOUR: I wish... NOVA: You wish for buffs to your abilities? LOTUS: The poor girl's ultimate had been nerfed-- NOVA: You, Trinity, buffs? You wish to have some buffs? NYX: What, you, Trinity, and buffs? Buffs?! FROST: What, you wish to have some buffs?! ALL THREE: Some buffs?! Some ability buffs?! LOTUS: And the devs had buffed in her place-- NOVA: Ability buffs?! LOTUS: --some frames with powers of their own. NYX: Look at your #1! FROST: Look at your #2! NOVA: We'd be carrying you-- TRINITY: Nevertheless-- TRINITY/NYX and FROST/NOVA: I still wish for buffs/You still wish for buffs/She still wants those buffs ALL FOUR: To abilities-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: And run some Void content?! LOTUS: All three were good in a team, but vile and black of heart. Ash, on the other hand, had no nerfs, and his clanmate-- EMBER: I wish... LOTUS: Well, she was not quite a team player-- EMBER: I wish my friend knew how to play. I wish the dojo to be built. I wish the research to be done. I wish the clan was full of life--I wish a lot of things... (To Ash) You foolish newb! What are you doing wasting your Plat rushing things? ASH: The faster I get things built, the faster I can level them. EMBER: It's a waste! How many times do I have to tell you? You'll run out of resources. BANSHEE: Why, come in, little girl. MESA: I wish... It's not for me, it's for my friends inside the Void. A T1 key, please--To bring my poor beleaguered friends inside the Void... just a T1 key, please... LOTUS: Trinity's clan leader had a surprise for her. NOVA: I have unbuilt the dojo for you. If you have rebuilt it again in two hours' time, you can play with us. MESA: And perhaps a T2 one?... or four?... TRINITY: People in Regional, people in Trading, Recruiting, Alliance, in Council and Clan... MESA: ...and a few of those 3s, please... TRINITY: Come, fair people, over from Trading, and Alliance, over regions, out of Trading and Clan... ASH: No, please, guys... TRINITY: Ahhh... [A crowd enters the dojo] TRINITY: Come, fair people, please join my clan. Rush the builds, but swiftly, build all you can, and then we've got... EMBER: Listen well, Ash. You've got to stop rushing builds. ASH: But, Ember, no--I want this stuff now-- EMBER: Tough. Tough! You'll get it in three days. You'll run out of money, and we'll be no further forward than if you hadn't. ASH: But this dojo is my favourite place in this game! EMBER: Look around you! The dojo's empty of plenty, the room builds are all stilled, there's nothing researching and we're just resource searching-- ASH: But-- EMBER: Ash, we've no time to sit and grind, while other clans leave us behind--and no one wastes their Plat on rushing weapons! Sometimes I fear you're touched. MESA: Into the Void, it's time to go, I hate to leave, I have to, though. Into the Void--it's time, and so I must begin the journey. Into the Void and loading screens, to help my friends, to help my team. Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- BANSHEE: You're certain you're ready? MESA: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my friends are strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. I sort of hate to ask more, but you have a Tower 4? VOLT: Don't stray and don't be late. BANSHEE: And remember to key share! MESA: Into the Void and to my friends, defend the pod until the end. Into the Void, these keys I'll spend to get myself some prime parts. Into the Void to bring my skills to aid my team their foes I'll kill. Maybe we'll have the Stalker still. Friends at my side, that would be a thrill. But into the Void, into the Void, into the Void to fight with my friends and home before death! Trinity: Fly, friends, back to your ships, back to Recruiting And Trading and the relays and the-- NYX: Hurry up and fix my mods, Trinity! Are you really using that? FROST: Here, build my Soma up for DoTs, Trinity! I'm too busy to do that! TRINITY: There you go. NYX: About time. FROST: I'm still better. NYX: Now my secondary. FROST: How many waves? TRINITY: First they said I'm good, then I'm viable But #4's unreliable. So have nerfs, Trinity, fix, Trinity Nerf fix nerf fix-- NYX: Melee! TRINITY: What's the fix for being nerfed and never ever buffs And you're always just told "tough?" Never mind, Trinity, kind Trinity-- Nerf fix fix kind fix nerf-- NYX: [she turns and slaps TRINITY] Not crit spec! TRINITY: Sorry. NYX: Idiot. [FROST laughs.] LOTUS: Because Volt had lost his Rhino Prime in a research accident--well, at least that is what he believed--he was eager to have a prime of his own, and concerned that all efforts until now had failed. [Knock on the door] VOLT: Who might that be? BANSHEE: We have sold our last key... VOLT: It's the Valkyr from next door! [VALKYR enters] BANSHEE, VOLT: We have no keys. VALKYR: Of course you have no keys! VOLT: What do you wish? VALKYR: It's not what I wish. It's what you wish. [she points to the research terminal.] Nothing cooking in there now, is there? LOTUS: The berserker went on to tell the pair that she had cursed them with a Vault key. VOLT: What key? VALKYR: In the past, when you were no more than a newbie, your clan leader brought his friends and you to this dojo. They were decent players, but not decent people. You see, one of them built this room and she was impatient. She took one look at the colour research and told your leader that what she wanted more than anything in the world was... VALKYR: Research, to colour the walls Yellows, purples, oranges and indigos Amaranth and bittersweet and lavender and umber He said "All right," but it wasn't quite Cause I caught him poaching guildies to farm mats one night! VALKYR: He was stealing friends, for his own ends, Grinding his cerulean, Stealing all my burgundy and maxing out his mustard (I was flustered! That took ages!) I should have cursed him with that key right there. Could have crippled his speed, or his health, or his shields. But I let him have the mustard, I'd lots to spare In return, however, I said "Fair is fair; You can let me have the frame that this room will bear. And we'll call it square." VOLT: I had a Banshee? VALKYR: No. But you had a Zephyr. LOTUS: But the Valkyr refused to tell him any more of his Zephyr. Not even that she still existed. She went on: VALKYR: I thought I had been more than reasonable, and that we might all live happily ever after. But how was I to know what your leader had also stolen from my dojo?! You see, when I had inherited that dojo, my leader had warned me that I would be punished if I were ever to lose any of the... greens. VOLT, BANSHEE: Greens? VALKYR: The SPECIAL greens. I let him go, I didn't know he'd stolen my greens! I was watching him get back in his liset--! And then bang! Smash! Connection trashed! And--well, that's another story, never mind--anyway, at last The big day came and I made my claim "That took all of our oxium," they shrieked and screeched, But I did, and I hid her where she'll never be reached And your leader split, and the other quit When for extra measure--I admit it was a pleasure-- I said, "Sorry, I still want one more hit." And I used a Vault key on them. You too, son. That your mission runs would always be damageless ones [Valkyr laughs] VALKYR: So there's no more thefts and there's no more scenes All my colours done--you should see the aubergine! But I'm telling you the same I tell the devs on-stream Don't ever never ever mess around with my greens Or I'll eat your spleens! EMBER: Now listen to me, Ash. Go into Recruiting and impress people with your skills. Make them want to recruit us. Are you listening to me? ASH: Yes. EMBER: Now what are you supposed to do? ASH: Go into Trading. EMBER, ASH: Recruiting! Not Trading. EMBER: Ash Ash Ash, wasting your cash, The dojo's always empty, this is not a time for grinding My game will crash, there's bugs with the cache The mobs are getting stronger, this clan's just trash The missions taking longer, we die in a flash And you can't just sit here building only gardens To wish and wait from day to day, will never earn you Battle Pay So into the Void, the time is now, we need that gear, I don't care how Into the Void to find a clan, you must begin the journey Straight to the Void and don't delay, we have to prove more than okay Into the Void or stay alone-- ASH: Into the Void to lose my home-- EMBER: Someday you'll have a real home, Ash. ASH: With gardens? LOTUS: Meanwhile, Valkyr, for purposes of her own, explained how Volt might restore his damage: VALKYR: You wish to have the key removed? A test for you, your skills to prove. Go to the Void and bring me back: One: The forma bright as light! Two: A mod as rare as gold! Three: The Stalker's rarest item! Four: The entire Soma Prime! Bring me these before the chime of midnight in three days' time, And you'll be able to grind, I guarantee, a Prime as perfect as Prime can be. Go to the Void! NOVA: Everyone, our key share awaits. TRINITY: Now may I play with you? NOVA: With us? Darling, those weapons! Darling, those mods! The dojo is one thing but darling, with those, You'd only make us all fail And waste all our keys! OBERON: The mission countdown begins. NOVA: We must be gone. TRINITY: Good night, Oberon. I wish... VOLT: Look what I found in the Chem Lab. BANSHEE: Six green pigments. VOLT: I wonder if they are the-- BANSHEE: Valkyr's greens? We'll take them with us. VOLT: No! You are not coming. BANSHEE: I know you are fearful of the Void at night. VOLT: The key is on my frame. Only I can do this test. The key is on MY frame. BANSHEE: No, no, the key is on OUR frames. We must do the test together. The key is on OUR frames. VOLT: No. You are not to come and that is final. Now, what am I to return with? BANSHEE: You don't remember? The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime-- VOLT: The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime... LOTUS: And so Volt, reluctantly, set off to meet Valkyr's demands. As for Trinity: TRINITY/VOLT: I still wish to get to play/The forma bright as light But how am I ever to get a group?/A mod as rare as gold I know! I'll make my own group/The Stalker's rarest item TRINITY/BANSHEE: And use my own key/The entire-- TRINITY/VOLT: And I'll play Solo if need be/The entire Soma Prime TRINITY, VOLT: Into the Void, it's time to go, it may be all in vain you know. Into the Void-- But even so, I have to take the journey VOLT, TRINITY, BANSHEE: Into the Void and loading screens, maybe alone or in a team-- VOLT, BANSHEE: Into the Void to remove the key-- TRINITY: Into the Void to play the game-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to fetch the things-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To make the group-- VOLT, BANSHEE, TRINITY, ASH, EMBER: Into the Void without regret The choice is made, the task is set Into the Void but not forgetting why I'm (you're) on the journey Into the Void to get my (our) wish I don't care how, the time is now EMBER: Into the Void to get a clan-- ASH: Into the Void to make the friends-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to get the Primes-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To play the game-- MESA: Into the Void to play with my friends... Into the Void to play with my friends... ALL: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my party's strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. No need to be afraid there-- VOLT, TRINITY: Did the lights just die there? ALL: Into the Void without delay, but careful not to lose the way Into the Void, who knows what may be lurking on the journey? Into the Void to get the thing that makes it worth the journeying Into the Void-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: To share the keys-- ASH, EMBER: To get the clan-- VOLT, BANSHEE: To pass the test-- ALL: To share--to get--to pass--to bring--to play--to lift-- To run all the content!-- Into the Void! Into the Void! Into the Void, then out of the Void, and home before death! Tenno in the Void Originally: Giants in the Sky There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible tenno in the Void! When you're in the Void And you look around At Orokin tech On corrupted ground Little more than a theft Is enough to keep you In the black for years When you're in the Void And your friends are dead Cause a laser trap Caught them in the head And you shouldn't be there And you feel the dread You're caught, and caged Too scared to feel enraged Ensnared by foes you never knew And don't care to When suddenly there's A big tall terrible tenno in the Void A big tall terrible lady tenno Looking annoyed And she heals you up And gives you a gun And she helps you get Toward extraction And you know things now That you never knew before Not till the Void Only just when you think That the threat is gone And she'll get you home Back where you belong Well the lights go out And you hear a long And creepy whispering And she stops in place And she looks around And she crouches down Making not a sound... And it's then that you think Death won't be slow Cause you know the name Of your unseen foe It's time to go Your saviour starts to glow And she starts to shoot Cause she sees him there And the muzzle flare Becomes a glare His health, depleted he falls and hits the floor He's gone, though he lives and so he'll be back for more And he'll haunt you forever in your dreams Cause he knows your face and has time to scheme But you're still alive Only richer than before After the Void There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful tenno in the Void! When a Tenno Isn't Playing for Enjoyment Originally: When a Felon's Not Engaged in His Employment When a tenno isn't playing for enjoyment He's grinding for the parts to make a prime His gaming starts to feel like employment And he feels like it's all a waste of time Our Void keys we're with difficulty using When there's reputation grinding to be done But then we only get cores for the fusing And useful prime parts of course we get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When the G3 farmer sees she's wasted hours When they spawn and only drop neurodes again She shoots her half-built Brakk an angry glower And questions why she even plays this game When the content is exhausted save the hardest And the only loot that's left Rotation C Well I then find myself in need of a good rest Cause I'm sick and tired of weighted RNG When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When against your will you start to drown in forma As opposed to things you actually do need You feel the will to keep going drain from ya And you feel like you never will succeed Though we maximise our key rewards by sharing And grind all night until we see the sun The mission end screen makes us feel like swearing Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none RNG Originally: Prince Ali DE Make way For RNG! Please play Our RNG! SHELDON Hey come on guys, got more stuff for you Hey you! Play it too-- Got new things to do Oh come be the first in the game to get this gun! Make way! Here's the patch! Hotfixed! Now relax! Ah! Here comes more update fun! RNG -- don't cry it's free -- grinding old content Once again, blame it on Glen Innocent here! There's no problem with our game So log in and grind again! Then cry on the forums so I can taste your tears! RNG -- calm down, you see, it's future-proofing Makes games stay longer than they would otherwise We know what's best for all you! That's why you're not sat here too! What makes you farm till you're through? That's RNG! DE Ducat prices are rising every time Baro Ki'Teer comes out of the Void Though you think that his racket is a crime You don't gotta do All we add for you There's always stuff you can avoid! SHELDON RNG -- now I foresee, lots of complaining But your cries, for compromise, I will ignore So get yourself in the groove Through the hoops we make you'll move Until your skill you prove or quit and flee DE We've got ninety percent of all players (We've got the players!) (Let's get more players!) Grinding the Void for chances at primes (It's genius! So genius!) To RNGesus they say all their prayers Hope for better stuff-- Beg for a buff-- Leave in a huff-- They're just sick of the endless grind And of the RNG! RNG -- will never be conquered or vanquished Though you try and deny feeling anguished When yet again the end screen Makes you say words really obscene! But if you're burned out There's other games Different genres With different names There's films and books, just gotta look Don't feel trapped cause you're free! Don't break! To RNG! Play My Game Originally: Say My Name Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane Any other Tac I would try, and attack Today I've got a snack Cause this Tac, is just wack Every single mob, can kill in one shot So I'm sat at D, cause my four's got 'em trapped and caught Now I've got it done First of all, let me say There was not much there, in the way of gameplay Just sat in the same place Hitting four, nothing more Why can't I get to play In this mission properly? I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane What is going on? To these mobs, I'm a pawn One mistake and that's the entire party gone Don't try and nerf it now See this proves a point How scaling breaks apart And game systems disappoint It's hard to believe that we are supposed to beat this When doing so we need, need to do what seems amiss Just this question why, do they scale, up so high? Just tryin' to play this game But the method is so lame I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane Frame Like Me Originally: Friend Like Me Well now our Banshee has some great CC And the Rhino's got a second Shield But master you in luck, cause see that three? It's gonna level all the playin' field! You got some power from those mods of yours Got your Heavy Caliber max rank You got Intensify as well of course See all you gotta do is build to tank And I'll say Mister Excalibur It's time to press that three! Just you line it up and Let it rock You ain't never had a frame like me No no no Frost is for protection And stealth is all Loki C'mon use your skills at destruction You ain't never had a frame like me Yes sir, we pride ourselves on melee Got the stuns The sword, the moves Strike where you wish Your foes you'll squish! And with every fight your skill improves! Charge all those foes ahead Go in and mash that E And if they're behind press 2 to blind You ain't never had a frame like me Can your friends kill this? Could your friends kill that? Could your friends pull swords out their little hat? Can your friends go, poof? Well, looky here Can your friends go "Radial Javelin," let 'er rip And then make an army disappear? So doncha sit there slowing down your team I'm here to help you top the DPS Cause it's time to use that move supreme You got an ultimate ready to press You got the chance to turn this fight around So whatcha use? I really wanna know You got a list of combos, though I've found That their usefulness is just so-so Mister Excalibur, use a skill or two or three It's time to move, get in the groove You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame like me You ain't never had a frame like me, hah! Edited April 22, 2015 by Yezzik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhrekr Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I read it in the Avenue Q character's voice. Really good, really good. Congrats :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Updated the original post with (hopefully) everything I've done so far. The latest one is my entry in the carolling contest, but I don't think I'll have a chance as it's not a Christmas song. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad_Kitten Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 I never listen to any of this songGuess I'm too young :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) I never listen to any of this song Guess I'm too young :'( Surely you've heard Do You Want to Build a Snowman. Ah well, here's another song you likely have never heard of. It's from a play called Into the Woods. If all you've seen is the movie of the same name, watch the play on YouTube--so much of what makes the story important was cut for the movie. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Into the Void. LOTUS: Once upon a time-- TRINITY: I wish... LOTUS: --in a nearby galaxy-- TRINITY: More than Vandals... LOTUS: --lived a fair maiden-- TRINITY: More than Primes... LOTUS: --a sad young lad-- TRINITY: More than Wraiths... ASH: I wish... LOTUS: --and a primeless frame-- ASH: More than buffs... TRINITY, VOLT: I wish... LOTUS: --or two. ASH: More than weapons... TRINITY, VOLT, ASH: More than content... BANSHEE: I wish... TRINITY: The devs have nerfed and broken me. VOLT, BANSHEE: More than patches... ASH: I wish... TRINITY: I wish for buffs to my powers-- VOLT, BANSHEE: More than updates... TRINITY: --but mostly #4... ASH: I wish the devs would give me some love. TRINITY: BANSHEE: More than anything... VOLT: I wish we had some primes. ASH: Please, guys-- BANSHEE: I want a prime... ASH: Don't tease, guys... TRINITY: I wish for my old Blessing back. ASH: I wish you'd fix my bugs, if just one ability... VOLT, BANSHEE: I wish we might have a prime. ALL FOUR: I wish... NOVA: You wish for buffs to your abilities? LOTUS: The poor girl's ultimate had been nerfed-- NOVA: You, Trinity, buffs? You wish to have some buffs? NYX: What, you, Trinity, and buffs? Buffs?! FROST: What, you wish to have some buffs?! ALL THREE: Some buffs?! Some ability buffs?! LOTUS: And the devs had buffed in her place-- NOVA: Ability buffs?! LOTUS: --some frames with powers of their own. NYX: Look at your #1! FROST: Look at your #2! NOVA: We'd be carrying you-- TRINITY: Nevertheless-- TRINITY/NYX and FROST/NOVA: I still wish for buffs/You still wish for buffs/She still wants those buffs ALL FOUR: To abilities-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: And run some Void content?! LOTUS: All three were good in a team, but vile and black of heart. Ash, on the other hand, had no nerfs, and his clanmate-- EMBER: I wish... LOTUS: Well, she was not quite a team player-- EMBER: I wish my friend knew how to play. I wish the dojo to be built. I wish the research to be done. I wish the clan was full of life--I wish a lot of things... (To Ash) You foolish newb! What are you doing wasting your Plat rushing things? ASH: The faster I get things built, the faster I can level them. EMBER: It's a waste! How many times do I have to tell you? You'll run out of resources. BANSHEE: Why, come in, little girl. MESA: I wish... It's not for me, it's for my friends inside the Void. A T1 key, please--To bring my poor beleaguered friends inside the Void... just a T1 key, please... LOTUS: Trinity's clan leader had a surprise for her. NOVA: I have unbuilt the dojo for you. If you have rebuilt it again in two hours' time, you can play with us. MESA: And perhaps a T2 one?... or four?... TRINITY: People in Regional, people in Trading, Recruiting, Alliance, in Council and Clan... MESA: ...and a few of those 3s, please... TRINITY: Come, fair people, over from Trading, and Alliance, over regions, out of Trading and Clan... ASH: No, please, guys... TRINITY: Ahhh... [A crowd enters the dojo] TRINITY: Come, fair people, please join my clan. Rush the builds, but swiftly, build all you can, and then we've got... EMBER: Listen well, Ash. You've got to stop rushing builds. ASH: But, Ember, no--I want this stuff now-- EMBER: Tough. Tough! You'll get it in three days. You'll run out of money, and we'll be no further forward than if you hadn't. ASH: But this dojo is my favourite place in this game! EMBER: Look around you! The dojo's empty of plenty, the room builds are all stilled, there's nothing researching and we're just resource searching-- ASH: But-- EMBER: Ash, we've no time to sit and grind, while other clans leave us behind--and no one wastes their Plat on rushing weapons! Sometimes I fear you're touched. MESA: Into the Void, it's time to go, I hate to leave, I have to, though. Into the Void--it's time, and so I must begin the journey. Into the Void and loading screens, to help my friends, to help my team. Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- BANSHEE: You're certain you're ready? MESA: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my friends are strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. I sort of hate to ask more, but you have a Tower 4? VOLT: Don't stray and don't be late. BANSHEE: And remember to key share! MESA: Into the Void and to my friends, defend the pod until the end. Into the Void, these keys I'll spend to get myself some prime parts. Into the Void to bring my skills to aid my team their foes I'll kill. Maybe we'll have the Stalker still. Friends at my side, that would be a thrill. But into the Void, into the Void, into the Void to fight with my friends and home before death! Trinity: Fly, friends, back to your ships, back to Recruiting And Trading and the relays and the-- NYX: Hurry up and fix my mods, Trinity! Are you really using that? FROST: Here, build my Soma up for DoTs, Trinity! I'm too busy to do that! TRINITY: There you go. NYX: About time. FROST: I'm still better. NYX: Now my secondary. FROST: How many waves? TRINITY: First they said I'm good, then I'm viable But #4's unreliable. So have nerfs, Trinity, fix, Trinity Nerf fix nerf fix-- NYX: Melee! TRINITY: What's the fix for being nerfed and never ever buffs And you're always just told "tough?" Never mind, Trinity, kind Trinity-- Nerf fix fix kind fix nerf-- NYX: [she turns and slaps TRINITY] Not crit spec! TRINITY: Sorry. NYX: Idiot. [FROST laughs.] LOTUS: Because Volt had lost his Rhino Prime in a research accident--well, at least that is what he believed--he was eager to have a prime of his own, and concerned that all efforts until now had failed. [Knock on the door] VOLT: Who might that be? BANSHEE: We have sold our last key... VOLT: It's the Valkyr from next door! [VALKYR enters] BANSHEE, VOLT: We have no keys. VALKYR: Of course you have no keys! VOLT: What do you wish? VALKYR: It's not what I wish. It's what you wish. [she points to the research terminal.] Nothing cooking in there now, is there? LOTUS: The berserker went on to tell the pair that she had cursed them with a Vault key. VOLT: What key? VALKYR: In the past, when you were no more than a newbie, your clan leader brought his friends and you to this dojo. They were decent players, but not decent people. You see, one of them built this room and she was impatient. She took one look at the colour research and told your leader that what she wanted more than anything in the world was... VALKYR: Research, to colour the walls Yellows, purples, oranges and indigos Amaranth and bittersweet and lavender and umber He said "All right," but it wasn't quite Cause I caught him poaching guildies to farm mats one night! VALKYR: He was stealing friends, for his own ends, Grinding his cerulean, Stealing all my burgundy and maxing out his mustard (I was flustered! That took ages!) I should have cursed him with that key right there. Could have crippled his speed, or his health, or his shields. But I let him have the mustard, I'd lots to spare In return, however, I said "Fair is fair; You can let me have the frame that this room will bear. And we'll call it square." VOLT: I had a Banshee? VALKYR: No. But you had a Zephyr. LOTUS: But the Valkyr refused to tell him any more of his Zephyr. Not even that she still existed. She went on: VALKYR: I thought I had been more than reasonable, and that we might all live happily ever after. But how was I to know what your leader had also stolen from my dojo?! You see, when I had inherited that dojo, my leader had warned me that I would be punished if I were ever to lose any of the... greens. VOLT, BANSHEE: Greens? VALKYR: The SPECIAL greens. I let him go, I didn't know he'd stolen my greens! I was watching him get back in his liset--! And then bang! Smash! Connection trashed! And--well, that's another story, never mind--anyway, at last The big day came and I made my claim "That took all of our oxium," they shrieked and screeched, But I did, and I hid her where she'll never be reached And your leader split, and the other quit When for extra measure--I admit it was a pleasure-- I said, "Sorry, I still want one more hit." And I used a Vault key on them. You too, son. That your mission runs would always be damageless ones [Valkyr laughs] VALKYR: So there's no more thefts and there's no more scenes All my colours done--you should see the aubergine! But I'm telling you the same I tell the devs on-stream Don't ever never ever mess around with my greens Or I'll eat your spleens! EMBER: Now listen to me, Ash. Go into Recruiting and impress people with your skills. Make them want to recruit us. Are you listening to me? ASH: Yes. EMBER: Now what are you supposed to do? ASH: Go into Trading. EMBER, ASH: Recruiting! Not Trading. EMBER: Ash Ash Ash, wasting your cash, The dojo's always empty, this is not a time for grinding My game will crash, there's bugs with the cache The mobs are getting stronger, this clan's just trash The missions taking longer, we die in a flash And you can't just sit here building only gardens To wish and wait from day to day, will never earn you Battle Pay So into the Void, the time is now, we need that gear, I don't care how Into the Void to find a clan, you must begin the journey Straight to the Void and don't delay, we have to prove more than okay Into the Void or stay alone-- ASH: Into the Void to lose my home-- EMBER: Someday you'll have a real home, Ash. ASH: With gardens? LOTUS: Meanwhile, Valkyr, for purposes of her own, explained how Volt might restore his damage: VALKYR: You wish to have the key removed? A test for you, your skills to prove. Go to the Void and bring me back: One: The forma bright as light! Two: A mod as rare as gold! Three: The Stalker's rarest item! Four: The entire Soma Prime! Bring me these before the chime of midnight in three days' time, And you'll be able to grind, I guarantee, a Prime as perfect as Prime can be. Go to the Void! NOVA: Everyone, our key share awaits. TRINITY: Now may I play with you? NOVA: With us? Darling, those weapons! Darling, those mods! The dojo is one thing but darling, with those, You'd only make us all fail And waste all our keys! OBERON: The mission countdown begins. NOVA: We must be gone. TRINITY: Good night, Oberon. I wish... VOLT: Look what I found in the Chem Lab. BANSHEE: Six green pigments. VOLT: I wonder if they are the-- BANSHEE: Valkyr's greens? We'll take them with us. VOLT: No! You are not coming. BANSHEE: I know you are fearful of the Void at night. VOLT: The key is on my frame. Only I can do this test. The key is on MY frame. BANSHEE: No, no, the key is on OUR frames. We must do the test together. The key is on OUR frames. VOLT: No. You are not to come and that is final. Now, what am I to return with? BANSHEE: You don't remember? The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime-- VOLT: The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime... LOTUS: And so Volt, reluctantly, set off to meet Valkyr's demands. As for Trinity: TRINITY/VOLT: I still wish to get to play/The forma bright as light But how am I ever to get a group?/A mod as rare as gold I know! I'll make my own group/The Stalker's rarest item TRINITY/BANSHEE: And use my own key/The entire-- TRINITY/VOLT: And I'll play Solo if need be/The entire Soma Prime TRINITY, VOLT: Into the Void, it's time to go, it may be all in vain you know. Into the Void-- But even so, I have to take the journey VOLT, TRINITY, BANSHEE: Into the Void and loading screens, maybe alone or in a team-- VOLT, BANSHEE: Into the Void to remove the key-- TRINITY: Into the Void to play the game-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to fetch the things-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To make the group-- VOLT, BANSHEE, TRINITY, ASH, EMBER: Into the Void without regret The choice is made, the task is set Into the Void but not forgetting why I'm (you're) on the journey Into the Void to get my (our) wish I don't care how, the time is now EMBER: Into the Void to get a clan-- ASH: Into the Void to make the friends-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to get the Primes-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To play the game-- MESA: Into the Void to play with my friends... Into the Void to play with my friends... ALL: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my party's strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. No need to be afraid there-- VOLT, TRINITY: Did the lights just die there? ALL: Into the Void without delay, but careful not to lose the way Into the Void, who knows what may be lurking on the journey? Into the Void to get the thing that makes it worth the journeying Into the Void-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: To share the keys-- ASH, EMBER: To get the clan-- VOLT, BANSHEE: To pass the test-- ALL: To share--to get--to pass--to bring--to play--to lift-- To run all the content!-- Into the Void! Into the Void! Into the Void, then out of the Void, and home before death! --- [song Breakdown] The Lotus takes the role of the Narrator--partially because I keep seeing people on the forums wonder if she's really got our best interests at heart and if we'll have to fight her at any point, and that ties in neatly with what happens during the play. Trinity is Cinderella. Nova is her Stepmother, and Nyx and Frost are her stepsisters Florinda and Lucinda respectively, and Oberon is her Father. Trinity's wish for a buff is based on my own experiences playing her--namely the dramatic change to Blessing. She finds that nobody wants to group with her any more. Ash is Jack, and Ember is his Mother. Ash wants bug fixes for his abilities, but is otherwise content playing the game at his own pace and messing around with his clan's dojo. Ember, on the other hand, wants to be able to participate in the bleeding-edge contents and events she's missing out on while her empty clan is dragging her down. Volt is the Baker, and Banshee his Wife, as both are researched from the same room--as well as Zephyr. They want Primes of their own, and the discovery that there's an Extinguished Dragon Key stopping Volt from being able to do the damage required to be able to grind any future Prime for either of them is what prompts their journey. Mesa is Little Red Riding Hood, and Valkyr is the Witch. Edited January 11, 2015 by Yezzik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(XBOX)PompousNinja156 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Baby Got Brakk, read in Mixalot's voice is godly. 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 More showtunes? More showtunes. Give me ideas for songs you'd like me to parody! Bonus points if the name lends itself to a Warframe-related pun (One of the reasons why I didn't do Let It Go like everyone else ever) Tenno in the Void Originally: Giants in the Sky The original is sung by Jack. Mine would be sung by whoever we'll end up having to save in Void Rescue missions. There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible tenno in the Void! When you're in the Void And you look around At Orokin tech On the walls and ground Little more than a theft Is enough to keep you In the black for years When you're in the Void And your friends are dead Cause a laser trap Caught them in the head And you shouldn't be there And you feel the dread You're caught, and caged Too scared to feel enraged Ensnared by foes you never knew And don't care to When suddenly there's A big tall terrible tenno in the Void A big tall terrible lady tenno Looking annoyed And she heals you up And gives you a gun And she helps you get Toward extraction And you know things now That you never knew before Not till the Void Only just when you think That the threat is gone And she'll get you home Back where you belong Well the lights go out And you hear a long And creepy whispering And she stops in place And she looks around And she crouches down Making not a sound... And it's then that you think Death won't be slow Cause you know the name Of your unseen foe It's time to go Your saviour starts to glow And she starts to shoot Cause she sees him there And the muzzle flare Becomes a glare His health, depleted he falls and hits the floor He's gone, though he still lives and so he'll be back for more And he'll haunt you forever in your dreams Cause he knows your face and has time to scheme But you're still alive Only richer than before After the Void There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful tenno in the Void! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antauron Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Ever since I met my girlfriend two years ago I have had a massive spot in my heart for Into The Woods... reading and singing along to your version of the prologue was awesome, I congratulate you :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 All these showtunes, but... something's missing. Time to fix that. When a Tenno Isn't Playing for Enjoyment Originally: When a Felon's Not Engaged in His Employment When a tenno isn't playing for enjoyment He's grinding for the parts to make a prime His gaming starts to feel like employment And he feels like it's all a waste of time Our Void keys we're with difficulty using When there's reputation grinding to be done But then we only get cores for the fusing And useful prime parts of course we get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When the G3 farmer sees she's wasted hours When they spawn and only drop neurodes again She shoots her half-built Brakk an angry glower And questions why she even plays this game When the content is exhausted save the hardest And the only loot that's left Rotation C Well I then find myself in need of a good rest Cause I'm sick and tired of weighted RNG When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When against your will you start to drown in forma As opposed to things you actually do need You feel the will to keep going drain from ya And you feel like you never will succeed Though we maximise our key rewards by sharing And grind all night until we see the sun The mission end screen makes us feel like swearing Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catemonster Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 This is excellent. Hats off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintsman12 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) This is what happens when warframe players get free time Edited March 5, 2015 by saintsman12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm in a Disney mood again. That's a lie. I'm always in a Disney mood. RNG Originally: Prince Ali It's up to you if I'm poking more fun at DE/Sheldon or at players complaining about RNG. DE Make way For RNG! Please play Our RNG! SHELDON Hey come on guys, got more stuff for you Hey you! Play it too-- Got new things to do Oh come be the first in the game to get this gun! Make way! Here's the patch! Hotfixed! Now relax! Ah! Here comes more update fun! RNG -- don't cry it's free -- grinding old content Once again, blame it on Glen Innocent here! There's no problem with our game So log in and grind again! Then cry on the forums so I can taste your tears! RNG -- calm down, you see, it's future-proofing Makes games stay longer than they would otherwise We know what's best for all you! That's why you're not sat here too! What makes you farm till you're through? That's RNG! DE Ducat prices are rising every time Baro Ki'Teer comes out of the Void Though you think that his racket is a crime You don't gotta do All we add for you There's always stuff you can avoid! SHELDON RNG -- now I foresee, lots of complaining But your cries, for compromise, I will ignore So get yourself in the groove Through the hoops we make you'll move Until your skill you prove or quit and flee DE We've got ninety percent of all players (We've got the players!) (Let's get more players!) Grinding the Void for chances at primes (It's genius! So genius!) To RNGesus they say all their prayers Hope for better stuff-- Beg for a buff-- Leave in a huff-- They're just sick of the endless grind And of the RNG! RNG -- will never be conquered or vanquished Though you try and deny feeling anguished When yet again the end screen Makes you say words really obscene! But if you're burned out There's other games Different genres With different names There's films and books, just gotta look Don't feel trapped cause you're free! Don't break! To RNG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougarmint Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) Time for a Cats Moment!With Vay Hek getting his butt handed to him during the Eyes of Blight event, it would probably be a good idea to think he's been slapped down a few notches, perhaps even off the council he was so proud of being part of. So to that effect, here's a song from the Cats Musical that would probably be fitting, reworked of course to fit Warframe and Vay Hek's plight.Councilor Vay Hek the Golden Boy(Sung to the Tune of Grizabella the Glamour Cat) *Cue Grineer backing away from a rusty looking Terra Frame. Vay Hek approaches Kela De Thaym and Sargas Ruk, limping. The lights in his glowing eyes have dimmed. The look on his face is like he has lost all hope, like he doesn't care what happens to himself anymore after learning he was slapped down from Councilor to possibly a private or worse. Kela and Sargas just stare at him like he's a washed up-has been and don't care about what he has to say. The Tenno sent to kill him watch from a distance.*Vay Hek:Remark the beastWho hesitates towards youIn the light of the dawnWhich bears down on himLike a weightYou see the coating of his paint is wornAnd stained with rustAnd you see he's walking with a limp andNot a noble gaitKela De Thaym:He ruled from many an Earthen CourtIn argments he had great retortsHe tried to redeem the Earthen landsAnd in the end it fell to Tenno handsAnd Sargus Ruk sighed as he scratched his headYou really had thought he'd ought to be dead!And who would ever suppose that toy...Was Councilor Vay Hek the Golden Boy? *As Vey Hek limps away alone, with a hopeless, disheartened look on his face*ALL Grineer (Mocking voices):Councilor Vay Hek the Golden Boy!Councilor Vay Hek the Golden Boy!Who'd had ever supposed that toy...Was Councilor Vay Hek the Golden Boy? And for those unfamiliar with the original song: Edited February 23, 2015 by Cougarmint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaokasalis Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 This is awesome. Can you write a warframe version of "make a man out of you" from Mulan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morec0 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) *shamefully makes contribution* Don't Let Go parody of Let it Go, ft. Stalker https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=-BMYWc5xrsY Edited February 23, 2015 by Morec0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintsman12 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) deserves a clap or two Edited March 5, 2015 by saintsman12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat_Nom Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) Why. Why did I even do this.RhinoOriginal: Bingo There was a Tenno who was a primeAnd Rhino was his name-oR-H-I-N-OR-H-I-N-OR-H-I-N-OAnd Rhino was his name-o!There was a Tenno with a codpieceAnd Rhino was his name-o(stomp)-H-I-N-O(stomp)-H-I-N-O(stomp)-H-I-N-OAnd Rhino was his name-o!There was a Tenno who wore ironAnd Rhino was his name-o(stomp)-(stomp)-I-N-O(stomp)-(stomp)-I-N-O(stomp)-(stomp)-I-N-OAnd Rhino was his name-o!There was a Tenno who could stop timeAnd Rhino was his name-o(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-N-O(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-N-O(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-N-OAnd Rhino was his name-o!There was a Tenno who was OPAnd Rhino was his name-o(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-O(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-O(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-OAnd Rhino was his name-o!There was a Tenno who broke the groundAnd Rhino was his name-o(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp) (Grineer screaming in the background)(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)-(stomp)And Rhino was his name-o! (loud thud as Grineer hit the ground) Edited February 25, 2015 by Fat_Nom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 More submissions! More! This topic must grow! In the meantime, in honour of both the latest Prime Time and the latest Tactical Alert, I present: Play My Game Originally: Say My Name Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane Any other Tac I would try, and attack Today I've got a snack Cause this Tac, is just wack Every single mob, can kill in one shot So I'm sat at D, cause my four's got 'em trapped and caught Now I've got it done First of all, let me say There was not much there, in the way of gameplay Just sat in the same place Hitting four, nothing more Why can't I get to play In this mission properly? I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane What is going on? To these mobs, I'm a pawn One mistake and that's the entire party gone Don't try and nerf it now See this proves a point How scaling breaks apart And game systems disappoint It's hard to believe that we are supposed to beat this When doing so we need, need to do what seems amiss Just this question why, do they scale, up so high? Just tryin' to play this game But the method is so lame I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane And yes, I have managed to get it done--with exactly the method in the song. I liked it, but I would have preferred it as a permanently-available challenge node rather than a time-limited "hope you have what you need!" one, as that would give us the chance to prepare for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yezzik Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 I'm baaaaack! (Again) And yet again, it's a Disney song. Another Aladdin one. --- Frame Like Me Originally: Friend Like Me Well now our Banshee has some great CC And the Rhino's got a second Shield But master you in luck, cause see that three? It's gonna level all the playin' field! You got some power from those mods of yours Got your Heavy Caliber max rank You got Intensify as well of course See all you gotta do is build to tank And I'll say Mister Excalibur It's time to press that three! Just you line it up and Let it rock You ain't never had a frame like me No no no Frost is for protection And stealth is all Loki C'mon use your skills at destruction You ain't never had a frame like me Yes sir, we pride ourselves on melee Got the stuns The sword, the moves Strike where you wish Your foes you'll squish! And with every fight your skill improves! Charge all those foes ahead Go in and mash that E And if they're behind press 2 to blind You ain't never had a frame like me Can your friends kill this? Could your friends kill that? Could your friends pull swords out their little hat? Can your friends go, poof? Well, looky here Can your friends go "Radial Javelin," let 'er rip And then make an army disappear? So doncha sit there slowing down your team I'm here to help you top the DPS Cause it's time to use that move supreme You got an ultimate ready to press You got the chance to turn this fight around So whatcha use? I really wanna know You got a list of combos, though I've found That their usefulness is just so-so Mister Excalibur, use a skill or two or three It's time to move, get in the groove You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame like me You ain't never had a frame like me, hah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akavakaku Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 (edited) Sorry, but the idea came to me and I just had to. This base, in ice-cold First glimpse of that white/gold Could be a cryopod A rare mod, new prime frame pieces Smuggling, through the ring Get it back to cloud city Have a smooth chat with Alad V, Kiss that platinum, it's so pretty I'm too rich! (dodge tax) Hire Tenno when Grineer attack I'm too rich! (dodge tax) The cargo MOAs gonna break their backs I'm too rich! (dodge tax) Always gonna stay in the black I'm too rich! (dodge tax) It's all about that money (break it down) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (EEEGGGGH) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (GUUUYH) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (KKAAAAUUUH) 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you One day, you, too, will be on the spot Don't believe me, just watch! ~~~ Stop! Wait a minute Fill my purse, put some credits in it Take a trip, what the heck? Darvo robbed us! Call Frohd Bek! Stop by Pluto, Neptune, Venus if you're near it Gonna sell high and buy low Take the time to profiteer it! I'm too rich! (dodge tax) Hire Tenno when Grineer attack I'm too rich! (dodge tax) The cargo MOAs gonna break their backs I'm too rich! (dodge tax) Always gonna stay in the black I'm too rich! (dodge tax) It's all about that money (break it down) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (EEEGGGGH) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (GUUUYH) Crewmen, hit your hallelujah (KKAAAAUUUH) 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you 'Cause Corpus funk gonna pay it to you One day, you, too, will be on the spot Don't believe me, just watch! ~~~ Before we leave Let me tell you a little something Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Go on, lie Just con it Doesn't matter why you want it If you can make a profit on it All's fair in business and war Go on, buy Just floor it Doesn't matter how you score it One day, you, too, will be on the spot Don't believe me, just watch! ~~~ Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off [moa noise] Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off [moa noise] Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off [moa noise] Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off Corpus funk pays off, Corpus funk pays off [moa noise] Corpus funk pays off Edited May 4, 2015 by Akavakaku Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sartactics Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Using this as a home for all my songs from now on. What Do You Do With a Teammate That's Worthless/It Sucks to Be Three Originally: What Do You Do With a B.A. in English/It Sucks to Be Me FROST: What do you do with a teammate that's worthless? How bad's this run going to be? Ten seconds out and he's down for the count And his failure it might drag down me I don't have the Detron, cause everyone plays wrong The Brakk is a long way away But no I will not break, though this grind it might take A lifetime or end in a day EMBER: Morning, Rhino! RHINO: Hi, Ember. EMBER: How's the game? RHINO: Disappointing. EMBER: What's the matter? RHINO: We failed at the new event. EMBER: Oh, I'm sorry! RHINO: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm geared to the teeth and I always thought... EMBER: What? RHINO: No, it sounds stupid. EMBER: Aw, c'mon! RHINO: When this run started, we had a full team Old friends from college, we were livin' the dream But now one's DCed and you know what that means OH GOD It sucks to be three It sucks to be three It sucks to lose friends and end up with PuGs who don't even CC It sucks to be three EMBER: You think that sucks? RHINO: I think so! EMBER: Your problems aren't so bad! EMBER: I'm in the queue and I'm waiting on groups Full squads all over, but no almost-filled troupes Then I get in a game and they're all fruit-loops So why... IS EVERYONE STUPID? Damn! EMBER: It sucks to see three It sucks to see three It sucks to see someone hit that pod with the LS at ninety It sucks to see three (NOVA and LOKI appear on the scene, arguing intensely about who just cost them their latest Defense game) RHINO: Nova, Loki, can you settle something for us, do you have a second? LOKI: Ah, certainly. RHINO: Whose groups suck more, Ember's or mine? NOVA: Pfft! NOVA and LOKI: Ours! NOVA: We play together LOKI: We've done so for years NOVA: Levellin' to thirty LOKI: While knockin' back beers NOVA: But now I'm draggin' this scrub up by his ears You don't try to at least be the best! LOKI: It's a game, not a &!$$ing contest! NOVA: You waste energy, you don't forma your gun! LOKI: Oh yeah? You mash your 4 key and mistake it for fun! NOVA: You make me want to quit with every failed run! LOKI: So do you, that's why I might quit too! NOVA: It sucks with Loki! LOKI: No, it sucks to play free RHINO: It sucks to be three! EMBER: It sucks to see three! ALL: Is there any group in here it doesn't suck to see? It sucks to be three! (EXCALIBRO appears) EXCAL: Why are you all so happy? EMBER: Because our runs suck! EXCAL: Your runs suck? Am I hearing you guys correctly? HA! EXCAL: See I'm a starter, a very good pick My CC's useful and I move round so quick But when you see me you assume that I'm thick For my choice of frame! You call me a noob! But I have played others! And I prefer this one! And I just want to play for fun! EXCAL: It sucks when you're mean! It sucks when you're mean! I say it sucks when you think that you're so much better than me! It sucks when you're mean! FROST: Excuse me? EMBER: Hey there. FROST: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a clan to join. EXCAL: Why're you looking here in Region? FROST: Well, I started in Recruiting, but nobody seems to want me. But this place seems a lot friendlier! RHINO: You need to talk to the clan leader. Let me go get him. FROST: Great, thanks! RHINO: Yo, Bonedaddy! NEKROS: I'm comin', I'm comin'... FROST: Nekros? What are you doing outside of Survival? NEKROS: I don't know either! NEKROS: I main a Nekros, my 3 key's broke apart My 1 and 2 are useless, but my 4's a work of art Survival's where I shine but I don't get to take part! But I'm here! The leader! Of this little clan! RHINO: It sucks to be three EXCAL: You win! EMBER: It sucks to see three LOKI: I feel better now! NEKROS: Try having people trolling you and saying "You didn't do any damage!" It gets old! NOVA: It sucks with Loki, it sucks with Loki LOKI: It sucks to play free EMBER: It sucks to see three RHINO: It sucks to be three EXCAL: It sucks when you're mean ALL: But not when we're together We're all different and we play this game! (I cut the rest of the ending out as I couldn't think of a way to make it work) Do You Wanna Ride a Kubrow? Originally: Do You Want to Build a Snowman? Tenno? Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Come on, let's go and fight! You never log in anymore Come play some more A new patch hit last night You used to be a ninja But now you've stopped I wish you would tell me why! Do you wanna ride a kubrow? It doesn't have to be a kubrow... "Go away, Lotus." "Okay, bye..." Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Or save the Red Veil from Death's halls? To win this war I need you too Because the Grineer have The Corpus by the balls ("Hang in there, Darvo.") It gets a little lonely All these empty nodes The starmap soon will die... (tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock) Tenno? Please I know you're out there J3's been asking where you've been He says "We're back" and I fear for you They've come for me too Please help me win We're running an event With no RNG What would you like to do? Do you wanna ride a kubrow? Tenno No. 5 Originally: Mambo No. 5 Ladies and gentlemen This is Tenno No. 5! One, two, three, four, five Everybody in the ship, so come on let's ride To the mission hub around the corner The boys say they want some nerfs and buffs But I really don't wanna Freak out, like I did last week I must stay deep, 'cause Bless was cheap I like Trinity, Saryn, Zephyr and Nova And as I levelled up I'd even used the Prova So what can I do? I really beg you, Darvo To me formaing is the way to go Potatoes too, they're all good let me buy some But please just discount them A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you Tenno No. 5! Super Jump up now, and slide it all around Banshee got a Quake of Sound Heavy Impact on the ground Wallrun to the left, and then to the right Sword in my hand and guns at my side Desecrate once, and Desecrate twice And if you get a second Brakk part you're doing it right A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you Discount! The discount! Tenno No. 5! (ha ha ha) A little bit of Trinity's Blessing spam A little bit of Valkyr's Warcry can Increase all the damage that Mag does And keep Zephyr flying high above A little bit of Nova Priming rooms A little bit of Banshee's silent doom A little bit of Saryn and Ember too A little bit of Nyx controlling you I do all I do To find the next OP frame, it's true You can't run and you can't fight Dread and Stug gonna ruin your night Tenno No. 5! All of my Mods Originally: Part of Your World Look at my frame, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think that my grinding's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the one The one who's maxed everything? Look at my mods, rating untold How many Trick Mags can one Tenno hold? Sort it by dupes and you'd think Sure, they've got everything I've got Riplines and Slash Dash a-plenty I've got Spare Parts and Regens galore You want Ammo Drums? I've got thousands But who cares? No big deal. I want cores I wanna see a full page of mods I wanna max, wanna max Serration Grindin' Xini for that Whaddya call it? Oh, stance Levellin' up, you don't get too far Mods are required for killin', survivin' Makin' it look like a What's that word again? Dance Up where they farm Up where they grind Up where they run Hieracon till they're blind Dark Sectors taxed, wish I could max All of my mods How much you bet that I don't get My Shock Absorbers? What is the fee in tower keys For Spoiled Strike? Betcha in chat it's on sale for Plat Bet they don't wanna trade for my stuff Void runs goin', sick of knowin' That my loot's duff I'm ready to go with the other Tenno Pimp out my Soma and cleave some Corpus What's a Vault run, and why's the loot What's the word? Rock Where's my Shell Shock? And my damage mods? Want so much power I feel like a god Stopped in my tracks, wish I could max All of my mods I Just Can't Wait to be Primed Originally: I Just Can't Wait to Be King I'm gonna be the greatest Prime My helmet's lookin' beast (I'm afraid the Ember master race) (Has already been released) I won't be tied to an event My content stands alone Run the Void to get my parts From the comfort of your home (You know, I think I'll just buy the pack) Not being seen is the new black No one playing Nova (It wasn't a nerf!) No one playing Valkyr (She's still great!) No one playing Rhino (He's balanced!) Loki everywhere (Can't see any!) Maximum Efficiency (I knew it) Spam Invisibility (I think it's time you used more than) (Just one ability) Why would I do that? They're just a waste of Energy (If this is what the playerbase is like then) (Count me out) (Playing Solo for my sanity) (No Loki Primes about) (These people between them have just one mind) Oh, I just can't wait to be Primed! Everybody play me Everybody press 2 Best frame ever Sorry Ash, it's true (NO SKILL!) Let every Tenno 'cross the world cry out For every new Prime makes them wanna shout Phat loot is what this game is all about Want to Buy Loki Prime, price or get out Want to Sell, PST price or get out Want to Trade Loki Prime... (Loki Prime) Plat or get out! Be Our Host Originally: Be Our Guest Be our host! Be our host! Of T4 keys you've the most On the wave of your hard work, my friend We'd really love to coast Out the door Taunted by Vor Seems that he's come back for more I hope he drops Cicero mods In the meantime? Hit the pods Life Support, back to max Now resume all your attacks Cause he's soaked up all of my bullets and more Come on and use your powers Or else this might take hours Hit your four Again, hit four Hit your four! Shoot his gut Where it glows Please stop aiming for his nose Light him up with countless shots I've got my Ember burning hot Wait a second Can't be true Here's the Stalker chasing you Knowing my luck then we'll see A friendly visit from the G3 Got ourselves some parkour tricks That we'll need lest we **** bricks Cause we've gotta take these guys Down right away Come on and join our crew We're all waiting for you Please host our run It'll be fun Don't forget to pack a gun Be our host! Be our host! Be our host! Hosting is so risky Every key a costly mystery Will we lose or will we get some worthless stuff? Ah, back when the tables weren't diluted... Now getting the things you want is rough Or you could buy it with Plat And while there's nothing wrong with that The Void does not need item duplicates Most runs are just a waste of hard-earned keys Waiting in Recruiting But we wanna get to shooting! Here we go! Here we go! Second run, we've hit our flow Best loadout, I've got no doubt And this time I'll put on a show Desecrate for extra packs Now we know where to attack Vor spawns again, to his dismay An Ogris blast then wrecks his day Nearly there, half hour in This is now a certain win Our cries of joy become a frenzied toast For once, what we want drops This run's not been a flop Thanks to you, our host! You're our host! You're our host! You're our host! Be our host! Be our host! Help us get what we want most! We're just waiting for a chance to get that gear And I will roast All our foes' flesh away Chain runs till the break of day While the corpses are a-glowing Fireballs I will keep throwing Mob by mob, one by one Till you shout "The keys are gone!" In Regional we'll cheer your name and boast Tonight we'll go all out Show Vor what we're about Be our host! Be our host! Be our host! Please, be our host! Stalker's Mom Originally: Stacy's Mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker, can you send your mom my way? (mom my way) I've been farming for her all day (for her all day) Does your mom drop both of those awesome whips? (awesome whips) And that dog, got a display case back on my ship (back on my ship) You know, I'm not the newb who used to die to Captain Vor Rank 15 and growing now, ready for one more Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me I know it might take long but I've been farming Stalker's mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker's mom has got the loot I need Stalker, do you remember when I farmed for Hate? (farmed for Hate) Your mom drops loot that's 'bout twice as great (twice as great) I could tell she's deadly from the way I died (the way I died) Least I got the scan, at just the cost of my pride (the cost of my pride) And I know that you think it's just insanity But since I've got your stuff, your mom could stand to die to me Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me I know it might take long, but I've been farming Stalker's mom Stalker's mom has got the loot I need The droprate's bad, but I'll go till I succeed Stalker can't you see, you're just not the foe for me, I know it might take long but oh oh (I know it might take long) I've been farming (Stalker's mom oh oh) (Stalker's mom oh oh) I've been farming Stalker's mom My Favourite Things Originally: Er... My Favourite Things? Shooting my Brakk in the enemy's faces Killing enough to exterminate races Crafting the weapons that each new patch brings These are a few of my favourite things Scanning the Stalker and hoping I don't die Getting what I need from stuff on the first try Getting ideas whenever a host sings These are a few of my favourite things Firing my Ogris and not dying as well Hoping all of these words I manage to spell Chilling with my kubrow living like kings These are a few of my favourite things When it's Boar Prime When I can't rhyme When I'm playing bad I simply remember my favourite things And then I don't feel so sad Racing to catch up to my fellow players Hoping our targets have said all their prayers Wincing when I crit as that damage stings These are a few of my favourite things Charging through lasers with my Iron Skin on Running the Void and then finding some Argon Jumping around like Excal's wearing springs These are a few of my favourite things Levelling all of my gear to thirty Killing the Grustrags when they get too shirty Using Dread, hearing the twang of the strings These are a few of my favourite things When it's Boar Prime When I can't rhyme When I'm playing bad I simply remember my favourite things And then I don't feel so sad Baby Got Brakk Originally: Baby Got Back Oh, my, god. Megan, look at Glen's gun. It is so big. [scoff] It looks like one of those full-size shotguns. But, you know, who ever uses shotguns? [scoff] I never take them, because, my Sweeper uses those mods, 'kay? I mean, that Brakk, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so powerful, it's like, strong, I mean— gross. Look! It's just so... OP! I like shotguns and I can not lie You other tenno can't deny That when a Nyx shows up with a Boar in your face And a Pyrana just in case You get owned, wanna pull out your Dread 'Cause you're loving them crits of red Thanks to your chaining Void runs Got six forma in all your guns Oh baby, I wanna grind witcha I'll never ditch ya My clanmates love that Boltor But this Hek I got helps me to slaughter Ooh, latest Prime gear You say you gonna kill more mobs? Well, 'scuse me, 'scuse me But I ain't that average newbie I put the boot in When I get to shootin' I got style, speed Gotta keep up to succeed I'm tired of rifle types Sayin' Soma or go home Take the average shotgun and mod it right It's gonna ruin their night So, tenno! (Yeah!) Tenno! (Yeah!) Has your shotgun got the goods? (Hell yeah!) Gotta shoot it! (Shoot it!) Shoot it! (Shoot it!) Shoot your favourite gun! Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! I like to fight, up close And when it's me an' my bros I just can't help myself, I'm doin' mad parkour Check your waypoint marker I wanna run that Vault And yeah, Vicious Spread, yeah, yeah I ain't talkin' bout Heavy Cal Cause rifle mods go to my Dethcube pal I want it up close an' personal So grab your Strun or Phage And gird your rage We're gearin' up to engage So I'm lookin' at all our foes Crazy armies comin' to blows You can have them armies I'll keep killing my enemies A word to the guys like Darvo, now son you're my bro But betrayal's a no-go If you sell me out to your dad Frohd Bek Your faces I'll wreck This gun got some awesome tech From the guys sent by Vay Hek 'Cause them G3 think I'm so weak Cause I fight like hide and seek But they're wrong, cause I'm strong An' I got the gun from this song So, Grineer! (Yeah!) Grineer! (Yeah) If you still think I'm just playin' here (Yeah!) Then come along! Prove me wrong! Bring the strongest of your strong Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! So your girlfriend rolls an Ember, bringin' aerial death with Zephyr But Zephyr ain't built for melee, not like the badass Valkyr Her Hysteria will kill you Nothing you can do, to Stop all the close-range murder She hits like a steel girder Some brothers wanna play with Rhino And hide behind their skin of gold But it's just there for protection 'Fraid I have to raise an objection Some players say we're bad But I just think they're mad! See our playstyles differ so you'd better not bicker Just 'cause our damage ain't bigger To the weaker names on the lista' frames: 'Fraid you ain't my style! Give me a tank, without swank An' all the enemies I'll shank! I don't hate rifles, no Got a pimped out Soma, bro It's great but it's not my style Want a change once in a while So tenno, if you love your gun, Don't have to explain to no one Dial 0800-DPS And kick that damage out Baby got Brakk! Baby got Brakk! Flying With Archwings Originally: Flying Without Wings Everybody's looking for great content One patch that makes them want to weep And when you look at your friends' faces You see them smile at what they seek Some find it in the hard-fought battles Some find it in the grind itself Who can deny the joy it brings When your Foundry builds that thing You're flying with Archwings Some find it with their favourite weapon Some in a clan so full o' friends You'll find it in the livestreams constant Redtext there with jokes about rear ends You'll find it in your faithful kubrow In Ordis freaking out at Vor And when Update 15 goes live This game is gonna thrive You're flying with Archwings So, impossible as it may seem Devs want to make the ZoE fans scream I hope it rules, that game was so cool And the concept was neat Well, for me it's mowing down countless foes I love this fantasy of power To know that I can blow off my steam No matter what the day or hour It's when I hear the devs' excitement And see the love for their own work And it's like flying with Archwings I play, I like and sing I'm flying with Archwings We've all got what we love the most Tenno 'cross land and coast I'm flying with Archwings I hope you keep playing I'm flying with Archwings Spooky Scary Scorpions Originally: Spooky Scary Skeletons Spooky scary Scorpions Shoot snares, lasso you in Slashing strikes from sudden swords Will all but sear your skin Spooky scary Scorpions Scream 'bout tenno skoom You'll scan these soldiers constantly As you slide from room to room We're so sorry Scorpions Your stun it makes us scream And now the ancients have it too So this is a bad dream Cause spooky scary Scorpions Hate when Zephyrs soar They'll snap and try to sabotage Your spacebound search for gore Somas set up supercharged Shoot shots of scorching shock But shotguns with their multishot Are so savage they rock! Spooky scary Scorpions Are silly, makes me sigh They'll snatch up and then try to slay Squads of space samurai Saryn's Miasma it melts Stalker and Sargas Ruk Spooky scary Scorpions Will slow you cause you suck! Patch Times Originally: Blurred Lines Everybody download Everybody download Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey If you were here 'bout a year ago Vor's Prize was teased but we didn't know What it was gonna be Or when it would be live But now it's on my drive Everybody download First thing I see on load, is a brand new login screen It's finally that time, this is Update 14 Just let me get my quest on Hey, hey, hey Starter mods for fusion Hey, hey, hey A guaranteed Serration And that's why I'm gon' take it real slow I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it Cause it might go! Can't let it get Vaulted Or development halted So you've full-on assaulted I love these patch times I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it I know you'll rush it Cause you're a gamer The way you're playin' Content that's stayin' Y'know what I'm sayin' Everybody download Got my own spaceship and Spacedog at my right hand Buildin' up to fight Vor Darvo helps me out 'cause I'm poor I'm just a tenno Hey, hey, hey With a starting Lato Hey, hey, hey Want the Mk-1 Bo Hey, hey, hey I got a problem though, the ship A.I. is insane It contradicts itself, like it's got a second brain Just let me get my kubrow Hey, hey, hey And feed it po-ta-to Hey, hey, hey So my dog clone army grows Hey, hey, hey And that's why I'm gon' grind some Argon I know they won't drop I know they won't drop I know they won't drop When I want them! Gotta get this quest done Before they Argon My God that's a bad pun Everybody download I love these patch times I know you'll love it I love them times I know you'll love it I love them times I know you'll love it Cause we've got story! Now it's completed And Vor's defeated Content depleted One thing I ask, DE Want the same again 'cross all I can see Got a whole starmap full of places Lotta people as well, but they're just faces So make 'em do stuff and give us more And that's the easy way to get to write more lore Game on, 'til we've got nothing left to do Get all the mods and the weapons too And get what we need to max 'em out Forma what you plan to wave about Then there's PvP, and while it's not for me It's just the sorta change that I wanna see So I'll just do my thing And leave it to the ones who care to win Lotsa hotfixes, there was a lot to mend Crazy boss scaling brought about my end Play the game, how you, want to Repair your liset, your liset Need a kubrow vet! Bought something to heal, my dog's integrity Decaying DNA, it's a liability, uh huh No more newb taxi Hey, hey, hey Pluto's locked for thee Hey, hey, hey Best play properly I always wanted a kubrow (Everybody download) I want to ride it I want to ride it I want to ride it She's a good girl Fuzzball is a Huras Foes she will harass And knock 'em on their @$$ I love these patch times (Everybody download) You know we'll play it You know we'll rush it You know we'll clear it And then we'll want more! The way we're playin' Content that's stayin' Y'know what I'm sayin' Everybody download Everybody download Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Lo, She Comes With Patch Notes Bringing Originally: Lo, He Comes With Clouds Descending Lo! She comes with patch notes bringing Once for hated exploits slain Thousand thousand tenno singing 'board the glorious hype train "It's the Lotus! It's the Lotus! It's the Lotus!" She appears to us in-game All of chat shall now behold Red Puns of dread depravity Those who screencapped all and posted Upvotes flowing constantly Content playing, content playing, content playing Given unto us for free Every tileset, frame, and kubrow Weap'ns and mods, be buffed away All who fear nerfs must, enraged go Scream their outrage night and day Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry on Reddit! Cry away! Now balancing, long desired Shall in powers changed appear Damage mods, by devs retired Now shall turn to Cores and gear "It's about time! It's about time! It's about time!" See the work of Scott appear! Answer calls of accounts damaged Hasten, Meg, and ease their fears! The new content quickly ravaged Tenno eager for new gear "So much grinding! So much grinding! So much grinding!" Forums flooded with their tears! The dear people in the Fan Zone Singing, drawing, writing too Cause of endless inspiration To those whom their work they view 'cross the world, 'cross the world, 'cross the world Gaze we on that artwork new Come, DE! Let all support Thee By purchasing Platinum Sheldon, bring the hate upon ye For all those Tower 4 runs Not R-N-G! Not R-N-G! Not R-N-G! The Void Trader must soon come! Into the Void Originally: Act One Prologue: Into the Woods LOTUS: Once upon a time-- TRINITY: I wish... LOTUS: --in a nearby galaxy-- TRINITY: More than Vandals... LOTUS: --lived a fair maiden-- TRINITY: More than Primes... LOTUS: --a sad young lad-- TRINITY: More than Wraiths... ASH: I wish... LOTUS: --and a primeless frame-- ASH: More than buffs... TRINITY, VOLT: I wish... LOTUS: --or two. ASH: More than weapons... TRINITY, VOLT, ASH: More than content... BANSHEE: I wish... TRINITY: The devs have nerfed and broken me. VOLT, BANSHEE: More than patches... ASH: I wish... TRINITY: I wish for buffs to my powers-- VOLT, BANSHEE: More than updates... TRINITY: --but mostly #4... ASH: I wish the devs would give me some love. TRINITY: BANSHEE: More than anything... VOLT: I wish we had some primes. ASH: Please, guys-- BANSHEE: I want a prime... ASH: Don't tease, guys... TRINITY: I wish for my old Blessing back. ASH: I wish you'd fix my bugs, if just one ability... VOLT, BANSHEE: I wish we might have a prime. ALL FOUR: I wish... NOVA: You wish for buffs to your abilities? LOTUS: The poor girl's ultimate had been nerfed-- NOVA: You, Trinity, buffs? You wish to have some buffs? NYX: What, you, Trinity, and buffs? Buffs?! FROST: What, you wish to have some buffs?! ALL THREE: Some buffs?! Some ability buffs?! LOTUS: And the devs had buffed in her place-- NOVA: Ability buffs?! LOTUS: --some frames with powers of their own. NYX: Look at your #1! FROST: Look at your #2! NOVA: We'd be carrying you-- TRINITY: Nevertheless-- TRINITY/NYX and FROST/NOVA: I still wish for buffs/You still wish for buffs/She still wants those buffs ALL FOUR: To abilities-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: And run some Void content?! LOTUS: All three were good in a team, but vile and black of heart. Ash, on the other hand, had no nerfs, and his clanmate-- EMBER: I wish... LOTUS: Well, she was not quite a team player-- EMBER: I wish my friend knew how to play. I wish the dojo to be built. I wish the research to be done. I wish the clan was full of life--I wish a lot of things... (To Ash) You foolish newb! What are you doing wasting your Plat rushing things? ASH: The faster I get things built, the faster I can level them. EMBER: It's a waste! How many times do I have to tell you? You'll run out of resources. BANSHEE: Why, come in, little girl. MESA: I wish... It's not for me, it's for my friends inside the Void. A T1 key, please--To bring my poor beleaguered friends inside the Void... just a T1 key, please... LOTUS: Trinity's clan leader had a surprise for her. NOVA: I have unbuilt the dojo for you. If you have rebuilt it again in two hours' time, you can play with us. MESA: And perhaps a T2 one?... or four?... TRINITY: People in Regional, people in Trading, Recruiting, Alliance, in Council and Clan... MESA: ...and a few of those 3s, please... TRINITY: Come, fair people, over from Trading, and Alliance, over regions, out of Trading and Clan... ASH: No, please, guys... TRINITY: Ahhh... [A crowd enters the dojo] TRINITY: Come, fair people, please join my clan. Rush the builds, but swiftly, build all you can, and then we've got... EMBER: Listen well, Ash. You've got to stop rushing builds. ASH: But, Ember, no--I want this stuff now-- EMBER: Tough. Tough! You'll get it in three days. You'll run out of money, and we'll be no further forward than if you hadn't. ASH: But this dojo is my favourite place in this game! EMBER: Look around you! The dojo's empty of plenty, the room builds are all stilled, there's nothing researching and we're just resource searching-- ASH: But-- EMBER: Ash, we've no time to sit and grind, while other clans leave us behind--and no one wastes their Plat on rushing weapons! Sometimes I fear you're touched. MESA: Into the Void, it's time to go, I hate to leave, I have to, though. Into the Void--it's time, and so I must begin the journey. Into the Void and loading screens, to help my friends, to help my team. Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- Into the Void to fight the corrupt-- BANSHEE: You're certain you're ready? MESA: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my friends are strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. I sort of hate to ask more, but you have a Tower 4? VOLT: Don't stray and don't be late. BANSHEE: And remember to key share! MESA: Into the Void and to my friends, defend the pod until the end. Into the Void, these keys I'll spend to get myself some prime parts. Into the Void to bring my skills to aid my team their foes I'll kill. Maybe we'll have the Stalker still. Friends at my side, that would be a thrill. But into the Void, into the Void, into the Void to fight with my friends and home before death! Trinity: Fly, friends, back to your ships, back to Recruiting And Trading and the relays and the-- NYX: Hurry up and fix my mods, Trinity! Are you really using that? FROST: Here, build my Soma up for DoTs, Trinity! I'm too busy to do that! TRINITY: There you go. NYX: About time. FROST: I'm still better. NYX: Now my secondary. FROST: How many waves? TRINITY: First they said I'm good, then I'm viable But #4's unreliable. So have nerfs, Trinity, fix, Trinity Nerf fix nerf fix-- NYX: Melee! TRINITY: What's the fix for being nerfed and never ever buffs And you're always just told "tough?" Never mind, Trinity, kind Trinity-- Nerf fix fix kind fix nerf-- NYX: [she turns and slaps TRINITY] Not crit spec! TRINITY: Sorry. NYX: Idiot. [FROST laughs.] LOTUS: Because Volt had lost his Rhino Prime in a research accident--well, at least that is what he believed--he was eager to have a prime of his own, and concerned that all efforts until now had failed. [Knock on the door] VOLT: Who might that be? BANSHEE: We have sold our last key... VOLT: It's the Valkyr from next door! [VALKYR enters] BANSHEE, VOLT: We have no keys. VALKYR: Of course you have no keys! VOLT: What do you wish? VALKYR: It's not what I wish. It's what you wish. [she points to the research terminal.] Nothing cooking in there now, is there? LOTUS: The berserker went on to tell the pair that she had cursed them with a Vault key. VOLT: What key? VALKYR: In the past, when you were no more than a newbie, your clan leader brought his friends and you to this dojo. They were decent players, but not decent people. You see, one of them built this room and she was impatient. She took one look at the colour research and told your leader that what she wanted more than anything in the world was... VALKYR: Research, to colour the walls Yellows, purples, oranges and indigos Amaranth and bittersweet and lavender and umber He said "All right," but it wasn't quite Cause I caught him poaching guildies to farm mats one night! VALKYR: He was stealing friends, for his own ends, Grinding his cerulean, Stealing all my burgundy and maxing out his mustard (I was flustered! That took ages!) I should have cursed him with that key right there. Could have crippled his speed, or his health, or his shields. But I let him have the mustard, I'd lots to spare In return, however, I said "Fair is fair; You can let me have the frame that this room will bear. And we'll call it square." VOLT: I had a Banshee? VALKYR: No. But you had a Zephyr. LOTUS: But the Valkyr refused to tell him any more of his Zephyr. Not even that she still existed. She went on: VALKYR: I thought I had been more than reasonable, and that we might all live happily ever after. But how was I to know what your leader had also stolen from my dojo?! You see, when I had inherited that dojo, my leader had warned me that I would be punished if I were ever to lose any of the... greens. VOLT, BANSHEE: Greens? VALKYR: The SPECIAL greens. I let him go, I didn't know he'd stolen my greens! I was watching him get back in his liset--! And then bang! Smash! Connection trashed! And--well, that's another story, never mind--anyway, at last The big day came and I made my claim "That took all of our oxium," they shrieked and screeched, But I did, and I hid her where she'll never be reached And your leader split, and the other quit When for extra measure--I admit it was a pleasure-- I said, "Sorry, I still want one more hit." And I used a Vault key on them. You too, son. That your mission runs would always be damageless ones [Valkyr laughs] VALKYR: So there's no more thefts and there's no more scenes All my colours done--you should see the aubergine! But I'm telling you the same I tell the devs on-stream Don't ever never ever mess around with my greens Or I'll eat your spleens! EMBER: Now listen to me, Ash. Go into Recruiting and impress people with your skills. Make them want to recruit us. Are you listening to me? ASH: Yes. EMBER: Now what are you supposed to do? ASH: Go into Trading. EMBER, ASH: Recruiting! Not Trading. EMBER: Ash Ash Ash, wasting your cash, The dojo's always empty, this is not a time for grinding My game will crash, there's bugs with the cache The mobs are getting stronger, this clan's just trash The missions taking longer, we die in a flash And you can't just sit here building only gardens To wish and wait from day to day, will never earn you Battle Pay So into the Void, the time is now, we need that gear, I don't care how Into the Void to find a clan, you must begin the journey Straight to the Void and don't delay, we have to prove more than okay Into the Void or stay alone-- ASH: Into the Void to lose my home-- EMBER: Someday you'll have a real home, Ash. ASH: With gardens? LOTUS: Meanwhile, Valkyr, for purposes of her own, explained how Volt might restore his damage: VALKYR: You wish to have the key removed? A test for you, your skills to prove. Go to the Void and bring me back: One: The forma bright as light! Two: A mod as rare as gold! Three: The Stalker's rarest item! Four: The entire Soma Prime! Bring me these before the chime of midnight in three days' time, And you'll be able to grind, I guarantee, a Prime as perfect as Prime can be. Go to the Void! NOVA: Everyone, our key share awaits. TRINITY: Now may I play with you? NOVA: With us? Darling, those weapons! Darling, those mods! The dojo is one thing but darling, with those, You'd only make us all fail And waste all our keys! OBERON: The mission countdown begins. NOVA: We must be gone. TRINITY: Good night, Oberon. I wish... VOLT: Look what I found in the Chem Lab. BANSHEE: Six green pigments. VOLT: I wonder if they are the-- BANSHEE: Valkyr's greens? We'll take them with us. VOLT: No! You are not coming. BANSHEE: I know you are fearful of the Void at night. VOLT: The key is on my frame. Only I can do this test. The key is on MY frame. BANSHEE: No, no, the key is on OUR frames. We must do the test together. The key is on OUR frames. VOLT: No. You are not to come and that is final. Now, what am I to return with? BANSHEE: You don't remember? The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime-- VOLT: The forma bright as light, a mod as rare as gold, the Stalker's rarest item, the entire Soma Prime... LOTUS: And so Volt, reluctantly, set off to meet Valkyr's demands. As for Trinity: TRINITY/VOLT: I still wish to get to play/The forma bright as light But how am I ever to get a group?/A mod as rare as gold I know! I'll make my own group/The Stalker's rarest item TRINITY/BANSHEE: And use my own key/The entire-- TRINITY/VOLT: And I'll play Solo if need be/The entire Soma Prime TRINITY, VOLT: Into the Void, it's time to go, it may be all in vain you know. Into the Void-- But even so, I have to take the journey VOLT, TRINITY, BANSHEE: Into the Void and loading screens, maybe alone or in a team-- VOLT, BANSHEE: Into the Void to remove the key-- TRINITY: Into the Void to play the game-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to fetch the things-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To make the group-- VOLT, BANSHEE, TRINITY, ASH, EMBER: Into the Void without regret The choice is made, the task is set Into the Void but not forgetting why I'm (you're) on the journey Into the Void to get my (our) wish I don't care how, the time is now EMBER: Into the Void to get a clan-- ASH: Into the Void to make the friends-- BANSHEE: Into the Void to get the Primes-- VOLT: To pass the test-- TRINITY: To play the game-- MESA: Into the Void to play with my friends... Into the Void to play with my friends... ALL: I have the gear, it's formaed twice, my party's strong and very nice. The mobs will just die, the parts will fetch a price. No need to be afraid there-- VOLT, TRINITY: Did the lights just die there? ALL: Into the Void without delay, but careful not to lose the way Into the Void, who knows what may be lurking on the journey? Into the Void to get the thing that makes it worth the journeying Into the Void-- NOVA, NYX, FROST: To share the keys-- ASH, EMBER: To get the clan-- VOLT, BANSHEE: To pass the test-- ALL: To share--to get--to pass--to bring--to play--to lift-- To run all the content!-- Into the Void! Into the Void! Into the Void, then out of the Void, and home before death! Tenno in the Void Originally: Giants in the Sky There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible tenno in the Void! When you're in the Void And you look around At Orokin tech On corrupted ground Little more than a theft Is enough to keep you In the black for years When you're in the Void And your friends are dead Cause a laser trap Caught them in the head And you shouldn't be there And you feel the dread You're caught, and caged Too scared to feel enraged Ensnared by foes you never knew And don't care to When suddenly there's A big tall terrible tenno in the Void A big tall terrible lady tenno Looking annoyed And she heals you up And gives you a gun And she helps you get Toward extraction And you know things now That you never knew before Not till the Void Only just when you think That the threat is gone And she'll get you home Back where you belong Well the lights go out And you hear a long And creepy whispering And she stops in place And she looks around And she crouches down Making not a sound... And it's then that you think Death won't be slow Cause you know the name Of your unseen foe It's time to go Your saviour starts to glow And she starts to shoot Cause she sees him there And the muzzle flare Becomes a glare His health, depleted he falls and hits the floor He's gone, though he lives and so he'll be back for more And he'll haunt you forever in your dreams Cause he knows your face and has time to scheme But you're still alive Only richer than before After the Void There are tenno in the Void! There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful tenno in the Void! When a Tenno Isn't Playing for Enjoyment Originally: When a Felon's Not Engaged in His Employment When a tenno isn't playing for enjoyment He's grinding for the parts to make a prime His gaming starts to feel like employment And he feels like it's all a waste of time Our Void keys we're with difficulty using When there's reputation grinding to be done But then we only get cores for the fusing And useful prime parts of course we get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When the G3 farmer sees she's wasted hours When they spawn and only drop neurodes again She shoots her half-built Brakk an angry glower And questions why she even plays this game When the content is exhausted save the hardest And the only loot that's left Rotation C Well I then find myself in need of a good rest Cause I'm sick and tired of weighted RNG When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When against your will you start to drown in forma As opposed to things you actually do need You feel the will to keep going drain from ya And you feel like you never will succeed Though we maximise our key rewards by sharing And grind all night until we see the sun The mission end screen makes us feel like swearing Useful prime parts of course we will then get none When there's reputation grinding to be done, to be done Useful prime parts of course we will then get none RNG Originally: Prince Ali DE Make way For RNG! Please play Our RNG! SHELDON Hey come on guys, got more stuff for you Hey you! Play it too-- Got new things to do Oh come be the first in the game to get this gun! Make way! Here's the patch! Hotfixed! Now relax! Ah! Here comes more update fun! RNG -- don't cry it's free -- grinding old content Once again, blame it on Glen Innocent here! There's no problem with our game So log in and grind again! Then cry on the forums so I can taste your tears! RNG -- calm down, you see, it's future-proofing Makes games stay longer than they would otherwise We know what's best for all you! That's why you're not sat here too! What makes you farm till you're through? That's RNG! DE Ducat prices are rising every time Baro Ki'Teer comes out of the Void Though you think that his racket is a crime You don't gotta do All we add for you There's always stuff you can avoid! SHELDON RNG -- now I foresee, lots of complaining But your cries, for compromise, I will ignore So get yourself in the groove Through the hoops we make you'll move Until your skill you prove or quit and flee DE We've got ninety percent of all players (We've got the players!) (Let's get more players!) Grinding the Void for chances at primes (It's genius! So genius!) To RNGesus they say all their prayers Hope for better stuff-- Beg for a buff-- Leave in a huff-- They're just sick of the endless grind And of the RNG! RNG -- will never be conquered or vanquished Though you try and deny feeling anguished When yet again the end screen Makes you say words really obscene! But if you're burned out There's other games Different genres With different names There's films and books, just gotta look Don't feel trapped cause you're free! Don't break! To RNG! Play My Game Originally: Say My Name Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane Any other Tac I would try, and attack Today I've got a snack Cause this Tac, is just wack Every single mob, can kill in one shot So I'm sat at D, cause my four's got 'em trapped and caught Now I've got it done First of all, let me say There was not much there, in the way of gameplay Just sat in the same place Hitting four, nothing more Why can't I get to play In this mission properly? I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane What is going on? To these mobs, I'm a pawn One mistake and that's the entire party gone Don't try and nerf it now See this proves a point How scaling breaks apart And game systems disappoint It's hard to believe that we are supposed to beat this When doing so we need, need to do what seems amiss Just this question why, do they scale, up so high? Just tryin' to play this game But the method is so lame I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane I know you sayin' that it's an amusing day Nothin' we can do, one way to play Shouldn't be no reason why we stuck this way Abusin' CC to our dismay Cause I like how we usually do When we get to play whatever we want to Why can't it just stay that way? Why is playin' with friends now so passé? Play my game, play my game Cause no one's in the PUG queue Want the Rift Sigil too Queue times can be lame Play my game, play my game I got the stunlock Banshee Consumables for Energy Or do you want me change? Play my game, play my game I need Limbo to constrain Sound Quake's Energy drain Too bad this ain't my main Play my game, play my game Got Specters scaled to level Damage dealin' devils This match is insane Frame Like Me Originally: Friend Like Me Well now our Banshee has some great CC And the Rhino's got a second Shield But master you in luck, cause see that three? It's gonna level all the playin' field! You got some power from those mods of yours Got your Heavy Caliber max rank You got Intensify as well of course See all you gotta do is build to tank And I'll say Mister Excalibur It's time to press that three! Just you line it up and Let it rock You ain't never had a frame like me No no no Frost is for protection And stealth is all Loki C'mon use your skills at destruction You ain't never had a frame like me Yes sir, we pride ourselves on melee Got the stuns The sword, the moves Strike where you wish Your foes you'll squish! And with every fight your skill improves! Charge all those foes ahead Go in and mash that E And if they're behind press 2 to blind You ain't never had a frame like me Can your friends kill this? Could your friends kill that? Could your friends pull swords out their little hat? Can your friends go, poof? Well, looky here Can your friends go "Radial Javelin," let 'er rip And then make an army disappear? So doncha sit there slowing down your team I'm here to help you top the DPS Cause it's time to use that move supreme You got an ultimate ready to press You got the chance to turn this fight around So whatcha use? I really wanna know You got a list of combos, though I've found That their usefulness is just so-so Mister Excalibur, use a skill or two or three It's time to move, get in the groove You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame, never had a frame You ain't never had a frame like me You ain't never had a frame like me, hah! *clap* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougarmint Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) Okay, this is what happens when you get the Pokemon theme stuck in your head. It's my jab at the RNG. RNG: Gotta Craft Them All I want to have the very bestLike nothing ever wasTo find them is my real testTo craft them is my causeI will travel across the voidSearching far and wideI know that it's so hard to avoidThe obsession that's inside!RNG!(Gotta craft them all!)It's you and me!I know it's my destiny!RNG!Oh, you're my worst friendIn this world we must defendRNG (Gotta craft them all!)It's all so trueWhat grinding will put me throughYou hate me and I hate youRNG!Gotta craft them all!Gotta craft them all!RNG! Edited July 20, 2015 by Cougarmint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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