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Make Me Laugh, And I'll Buy Your Rare 5 Mods For 80 Plat!

Bobsplosion

By Bobsplosion,
in Trading Post

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Bobsplosion

Bobsplosion

Posted
Posted (edited)

5Jr38.png

 

At one point, I spent my entire Grandmaster Founder plat supply on Gold Mod packs. That's 8k plat or so.

No regrets.

 

Anyways, I'm not playing much today, so I thought I'd use what trades I have to be a bit generous. Here's how it works.

I will buy 3 Rare 5 Mods (you have to have 3,) but only if you can make me laugh. I'll even do 85 if you manage to do so with a clever haiku or limerick.

 

Edit: I gave the last guy a break, but what I actually meant was Rare 5 FUSION CORES. My bad for any confusion.

Super edit: Don't PM me or I'll laugh at you and swim in my plat without giving you any.

 

I only have 5 more trades for today.

Edited by Bobsplosion
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SharkWithALaserBeam

SharkWithALaserBeam

Posted
Posted (edited)

A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely". To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's grey and cloudy". Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." Finally, Billy raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So Billy replies, "Then I definitely just pooped my pants."

Edited by SharkWithALaserBeam
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Bobsplosion

Bobsplosion

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A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely". To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's grey and cloudy". Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." Finally, Billy raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So Billy replies, "Then I definitely just pooped my pants."

I can't not reward you for this.

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nintega

nintega

Posted
Posted (edited)

I sat here for a good couple of minutes trying to think of something of my own, instead of repeating a joke I heard elsewhere, so here goes:

 

William was a country kid, born and raised out where your neighbor's house is quite a long distance away. He always worked hard, both at education and around the house, so he was a good kid. However, out in the country, there's little to keep a teenager occupied when he's not working. However, once the day for William to graduate to high school came, his family moved into the city, so he'd have more options for his education. He picks out and applies to a school of his choice, and on his first day there, he sees another student in the school's band room, practicing on a saxophone. Since most of William's time as a child was spent either working or doing literally nothing, he'd never seen instruments like that, so he goes up to the other student, and asks what he's holding. The band member, with the mouthpiece of the saxophone still in his mouth, his tongue on the reed, says "saxophone" quickly, before rushing to resume the piece he was practicing. however, his words were slurred slightly, and William only was able to pick out "sex" and "phone". William, being a relatively young, sheltered child, only new sex as the way children were made, and occasionally something done for fun, and that it involved a male's penis, and a vagina. William, in all his naivete, assumed the saxophone contained the vagina part. Embarrassed that he had just walked in on something he assumed private, he quickly walked away. Yet his mind was still stuck in the same spot. A few hours later, after school, the band member from earlier walks back to the band room to retrieve his horn. What he finds, is young William, trying to have sex with the saxophone, and having difficulty, due to how a saxophone is in no way designed for sex. And in one of William's hands, holding his new phone, pointed and recording at the whole event, and uploading it online. The band member quickly chased William away, and went to work thoroughly cleaning his instrument. The next day, thousands had viewed the video recorded by William, including people in the local area, especially his school. His peers laughed at him wherever he went, and he was expelled that next day. His family moved back out to the country, yet the memory of William's actions never quite faded. When he became an adult he moved somewhere far away to move on with his life, and died many years later as a music-hating virgin.

 

And wow, this seems to have came out horribly. Oh well, hopefully someone at least reads the whole thing.

Edited by nintega
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Bobsplosion

Bobsplosion

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Posted

I sat here for a good couple of minutes trying to think of something of my own, instead of repeating a joke I heard elsewhere, so here goes:

 

William was a country kid, born and raised out where your neighbor's house is quite a long distance away. He always worked hard, both at education and around the house, so he was a good kid. However, out in the country, there's little to keep a teenager occupied when he's not working. However, once the day for William to graduate to high school came, his family moved into the city, so he'd have more options for his education. He picks out and applies to a school of his choice, and on his first day there, he sees another student in the school's band room, practicing on a saxophone. Since most of William's time as a child was spent either working or doing literally nothing, he'd never seen instruments like that, so he goes up to the other student, and asks what he's holding. The band member, with the mouthpiece of the saxophone still in his mouth, his tongue on the reed, says "saxophone" quickly, before rushing to resume the piece he was practicing. however, his words were slurred slightly, and William only was able to pick out "sex" and "phone". William, being a relatively young, sheltered child, only new sex as the way children were made, and occasionally something done for fun, and that it involved a male's penis, and a vagina. William, in all his naivete, assumed the saxophone contained the vagina part. Embarrassed that he had just walked in on something he assumed private, he quickly walked away. Yet his mind was still stuck in the same spot. A few hours later, after school, the band member from earlier walks back to the band room to retrieve his horn. What he finds, is young William, trying to have sex with the saxophone, and having difficulty, due to how a saxophone is in no way designed for sex. And in one of William's hands, holding his new phone, pointed and recording at the whole event, and uploading it online. The band member quickly chased William away, and went to work thoroughly cleaning his instrument. The next day, thousands had viewed the video recorded by William, including people in the local area, especially his school. His peers laughed at him wherever he went, and he was expelled that next day. His family moved back out to the country, yet the memory of William's actions never quite faded. When he became an adult he moved somewhere far away to move on with his life, and died many years later as a music-hating virgin.

 

And wow, this seems to have came out horribly. Oh well, hopefully someone at least reads the whole thing.

I give you an A for effort.

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Revoltado

Revoltado

Posted
Posted

The Importance of Listening Carefully
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.  A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.  "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"  

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,  "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."  

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.  She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.  Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"  

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much.  That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......  a r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

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Bobsplosion

Bobsplosion

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The Importance of Listening Carefully

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.  A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.  "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"  

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,  "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."  

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.  She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.  Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"  

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much.  That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......  a r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

 

We have our second winner.

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legionprobatio

legionprobatio

Posted
Posted

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'

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Bobsplosion

Bobsplosion

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'

A bit too morose for my tastes.

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