How "Chains of Harrow" hits close to home.

[mindlord0013]

First and foremost, spoilers for the Chains of Harrow quest, obviously. Just a bit of a warning, this post covers some sensitive topics like mental illness, death, and suicide.

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Recently, I had a friend pass away. It came as a surprise to everyone, as he took his own life. He was an atheist, but the funeral was very Catholic (mostly for his mother, who was a practising Catholic). It's been hard, and more than anything I wish I had known. I wish I could have been there for him.

After the Plains of Eidolon was released, I took a closer look at the Warframes I hadn't yet picked up. Namely, Harrow and Gara. As I'm sure many of you do, I drop in and out of Warframe every now and again, so I was unfamiliar with their exact abilities. Taking a look at Harrow, I was instantly caught by the abilities and themes. Thurible especially reminded me very much of my friend's funeral, and the funeral of my grandfather about this time last year. I decided that I would make it my mission to farm and play Harrow. And part of this mission involved playing the Chains of Harrow quest for the first time.

At my friend's funeral, I learnt some things about him that I was unaware of before. He struggled with depression, and surprisingly he was on the autistic spectrum. The later especially was kind of a lightbulb moment, as in hindsight I could see that fact in the way he acted and some of his mannerisms. I was also reminded of some things I already knew about him, like how he was an absolute genius and wanted to be an engineer (and would have been brilliant at it). Despite the antics he got up to at times, he always went out of his way to protect his friends and bring a smile to people's faces. He was an absolute mumma's boy, and valued other people's happiness above all else.

The quest Chains of Harrow became a really personal experience for me. "He suffers while you dream" really shook me to my senses, and instantly gave me a pang of sadness. He loved horror and occult stuff like Lovecraft, but he also loved sci-fi and science-fantasy. I saw that reflected in the quest. In Rell, I saw much of my friend. He even had a verbal tick, that was not-too-dissimilar from Rell. Like Rell, I think my friend was a lost soul, confused and calling for help.

I must admit, I cried again during the last part of the quest. I wasn't just saving a character in a video game, I felt like I was ending my friend's suffering. I was helping to set him free, no longer bound to the realm of the living. It's not something easy to do, but it was something I needed to do for my own sake.

I think my friend would have loved to play Warframe. There is so much here that he would have loved. Story, the power fantasy, lore, themes. We had a long running joke, going back all the way to when we were kids. "Nonja". It's like a ninja that can't ninja - they suck at hiding, they can't throw a shuriken to save their life, and absolutely suck at parkour. My friend was the biggest nonja around. He was a big goofy klutz, he would "hide" behind pens or pencils, and fail at throwing paper shurikens (or homemade ones, the crazy bastard).

My biggest regret is not being able to be a space nonja with him, together in Warframe. Instead, I'm going to finsih farming Harrow and always remember my friend when I play as him.

Rest in peace, free from the chains of this world, Space Nonja K.P.

Edited October 22, 2017 by mindlord0013

[MrM1]

[tyrannicaltyrant]

i'm not crying, my eyes are just sweating.

[Northern_Psycho]

I haven't been in the rain... I'm just crying.

Also best of luck farming Harrow! 

[Lost_Cartographer]

Sorry for the loss.

The truth of the matter is that it's hard to talk about these problems because of the severe stigmas surrounding them. One either takes their own life, unable to bear it, or grows numb to their life and lives rather stagnantly until the end.

[(XBOX)YoungGunn82]

Was reading this at my kitchen table while drinking my coffee and those damn ninjas started cutting onions in the kitchen.. dang it.

 

Sorry for your lose, hope you both found peace.

Go then, there are other worlds than these.

Edited October 23, 2017 by (XB1)RDeschain82

[mindlord0013]

Thanks everyone for the condolences and support.

4 hours ago, (Xbox One)RDeschain82 said:

Was reading this at my kitchen table while drinking my coffee and those damn ninjas started cutting onions in the kitchen.. dang it.

 

Sorry for your lose, hope you both found peace.

Go then, there are other world's than these.

Are you sure it wasn't a nonja that was cutting onions? You can tell because they're only slightly hidden, usually behind a lamp or potted plant. :')

[(PSN)robotwars7]

dammit, who's cutting up onions in here?

sorry to hear about your friend, I myself am on the spectrum and have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. it's like a fog that never disappears, a gnawing, negative sensation impossible to fully describe unless you have been there yourself.

the quest was rather good, and they portrayed Rell very accurately. I have met people with very severe autism and they do have similar mannerisms to Rell. the important thing to remember is that Autistic people are not stupid; quite the opposite, they are extremely intelligent but can struggle to get the words out in ways other people understand.

[KelsierSurvivor]

1 hour ago, (PS4)robotwars7 said:

The important thing to remember is that Autistic people are not stupid; quite the opposite, they are extremely intelligent but can struggle to get the words out in ways other people understand.

This. Very much this. I know this through every single one of these people I have come across. One of my friend's older brothers is slightly autistic, and he is a pure genius. I know through everything he says and does.

On topic: I am very sorry to hear about your friend. I know that suicide is a very serious and real thing and should not be taken lightly, so I will not take it as so. I send my condolences. 

NOTE: This post made me cry as much as Chains of Harrow did. 

[(XBOX)YoungGunn82]

2 hours ago, (PS4)robotwars7 said:

dammit, who's cutting up onions in here?

Those damn kitchen ninjas! They always show up at my house during either  Disney Princess movies or when I read stories like this.

Edited October 23, 2017 by (XB1)RDeschain82

[(XBOX)YoungGunn82]

4 hours ago, mindlord0013 said:

Are you sure it wasn't a nonja that was cutting onions? You can tell because they're only slightly hidden, usually behind a lamp or potted plant. :')

Damn nonjas TT

Edited October 23, 2017 by (XB1)RDeschain82

[VoidMask]

What a terrible day for rain.

[Beartornado]

[tyrannicaltyrant]

15 hours ago, (Xbox One)RDeschain82 said:

Was reading this at my kitchen table while drinking my coffee and those damn ninjas started cutting onions in the kitchen.. dang it.

 

Sorry for your lose, hope you both found peace.

Go then, there are other world's than these.

Man that Dark Tower reference got me even harder.

[Miser_able]

Argh who's cutting onion in my room?! 

I can't say I know how you feel, but I can sympathize, I have several friends on the spectrum, some more severely than others. I don't know what they're lives are like all the time, but from what I can see, it's hard.

Today's society has created a stigma around those who do not fit our unrealistic standards of "normality" , and pushes them away, shuns them. I've seen first-hand how they demoralizes people, makes them shutdown emotionally until there's nothing left. Some can find something that keeps them going, but not all are as fortunate.

I hope your friend can find peace wherever he is now, and I hope you find your peace as well, for I may not have known him but I think it's what he would have wanted. 

Fight on space nonja, fight on. 

Edited October 23, 2017 by Miser_able

[BETAOPTICS]

I am so sorry of the loss of your friend. I know what its like to lose someone you deeply loved. I am too used to saying goodbyes myself, having lost my only grandparent, my uncle to heartstroke due to alcoholism, 3 of my friends committed suicide over the years and one was murderer very brutally by my former friends I knew in childhood; and I am only 25-years old.

If it helps you any, your friend will live on in those precious memories you shared with him over the years and in some respects we never die as long as someone remembers our name and who we were. There will be days and times when they are the only ones you can think of, the people who'd you do anything to meet just one more time. But then you also remember that they are now finally resting and they are no longer hurting in pain. I wish I could hug you so * internet hugs *.

" May we meet again old friend. "

As a Neuropsychology student and soon to be therapist, this is a good time to remind people to talk to someone, please, truly tell how you are doing without feeling shame or guilt about it. It's okay. And if you don't feel like there is anyone you can safely open up to, then we therapists are more than happy to listen to you. Talking helps, even if it may not always seem like it at first. It is important to know that you are not alone, that your life does matter. Everyone of us have a story to be told, and everyone deserves their story to be told.

Edited October 23, 2017 by BETAOPTICS